DS did something wonderful, yet I am a bit upset

[Anonymous]

16 yr old DS went on school trip to NY last week. When he came back he described me a event where he apparently almost got into a fight with a man in NY metro. I was surprised and upset. DS is quite mild manner and never into fighting with anyone. He would never even raise his voice againt agnyone.

He explained that when their group of friends were returning from somewhere in the night in the metro and a middle age man took out his phone and started taking pictures of the girls in their group. It made the girls uncomfortable and DS walked up to this man and asked him to show his photos. The man resisted and my DS insisted on seeing the pictures. Apparently the man eventually opened the phone and DS scrolled through the pictures and found several of his friends'. He deleted the pictures and handed the phone back to the man with an warning not to do this again.

I should be happy that he stood up for his friends. But somehow it upset me when DS explained he would gotten into physical fight if the man had not given him the phone. My DS said he had back up since there were other boys in their group who were ready to jump in - it kind of irked me why they all did not interact with this man together.

I know this is already over, and I should be proud of him. But I am conflicted with fear that the man could have had a weapon with him and could have hurt my DS.

[Anonymous]

That’s how you get killed. Deleted pics can easily recovered too. Dumb kid.

[Anonymous]

You should tell him that you are proud of him but caution him about what could have happened. Getting into a fight or worse over innocent photos simply isn't worth it. Don't lecture him, just provide some cautionary perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That’s how you get killed. Deleted pics can easily recovered too. Dumb kid.

Yes.

I'm with you OP. I'd be proud that your son knew it was wrong and stood up for his friends; however, he should've called the police/security for assistance. If the man hadn't cooperated and punched your son in the head or, worse, pulled out a weapon, your son could be dead.

I'm thankful for you both that it didn't turn out that way, but your DS needs to be warned that he's not the hero in some movie. He needs to leave the cowboy shit at home and call for law enforcement in the future.

[Anonymous]

You raised an upstanding young man, but next time show him how to alert the station attendant instead.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP. I’m an adult and parent that’s been doing martial arts for a very long time...and I would not have done this. While your son had noble intentions, and I think this is what you’re struggling with, this was a very naive and unwise thing to do. You don’t invite crazy. This situation could have escalated. You don’t fight unless you absolutely have to. Authorities should have been called instead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That’s how you get killed. Deleted pics can easily recovered too. Dumb kid.

Yes.

I'm with you OP. I'd be proud that your son knew it was wrong and stood up for his friends; however, he should've called the police/security for assistance. If the man hadn't cooperated and punched your son in the head or, worse, pulled out a weapon, your son could be dead.

I'm thankful for you both that it didn't turn out that way, but your DS needs to be warned that he's not the hero in some movie. He needs to leave the cowboy shit at home and call for law enforcement in the future.

Interestingly he is not a cowboy-like at all. He is quite calm and measured in his responses all the time. So, this incident surprised me and worried me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That’s how you get killed. Deleted pics can easily recovered too. Dumb kid.

Yes.

I'm with you OP. I'd be proud that your son knew it was wrong and stood up for his friends; however, he should've called the police/security for assistance. If the man hadn't cooperated and punched your son in the head or, worse, pulled out a weapon, your son could be dead.

I'm thankful for you both that it didn't turn out that way, but your DS needs to be warned that he's not the hero in some movie. He needs to leave the cowboy shit at home and call for law enforcement in the future.

Interestingly he is not a cowboy-like at all. He is quite calm and measured in his responses all the time. So, this incident surprised me and worried me.

Come on mom. He is a 16 yo young man with girls with his hormones running wild. Are you really surprised? Tell him to think with his head but his hormones. Consider himself lucky.

[Anonymous]

If someone is crazy enough to take pics of strangers I would not be trying to grab their phone! Scary, glad he's ok.

[Anonymous]

His intentions were noble, but execution is dumb. This is indeed how you get killed or injured. Talk to him about strategies to address this: ask to stop taking pictures, move to another train car, etc. Engaging in an open confrontation with a stranger should never be the first option if other options exist. This ended up being harmless, but there will be plenty of other situations when it's not. Some crazy people look for confrontations - playing into that is dangerous, especially solo, when the rest of the group is passive.

(btw, I presume the females in his group were all fully dressed, so what do you think was going to happen with the pictures? photoshop them to naked bodies or something?).

[Anonymous]

It's not illegal to take pictures of strangers in public. Agree that your DS was acting dangerously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not illegal to take pictures of strangers in public. Agree that your DS was acting dangerously.

Agreed. Though what that guy did is weird and gross, it likely wasn't illegal. And it sounds like your son was possibly trying to impress the girls in his group as much as any other motivation.

[Anonymous]

Am I the only one who thinks he's a badass and a mensch? I would be SUPER proud if my 16 year old did that.

[Anonymous]

Agree with PPs - dumb and dangerous, but his intentions were good. I'd like to know if he was truly standing up for his friends because he thought the guy was wrong, or if he was trying to impress one of the girls.

This is a teachable moment. Many 16yos think they are invincible and that adults worry too much about stupid things, but I think you need to be explicit with him about how this situation could have turned out and how this particular situation isn't worth the risk. He has to know when to walk away, even if that means the other guy "wins." He has to assume that he has a lot more to lose in a situation like that than the other person does.

You should also discuss with him other ways of handling the situation. Couldn't they just move away from the guy? Maybe exit and hop back on the train in a different car? Confrontation should be the last option in this situation - and maybe most situations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That’s how you get killed. Deleted pics can easily recovered too. Dumb kid.

Yes.

I'm with you OP. I'd be proud that your son knew it was wrong and stood up for his friends; however, he should've called the police/security for assistance. If the man hadn't cooperated and punched your son in the head or, worse, pulled out a weapon, your son could be dead.

I'm thankful for you both that it didn't turn out that way, but your DS needs to be warned that he's not the hero in some movie. He needs to leave the cowboy shit at home and call for law enforcement in the future.

Interestingly he is not a cowboy-like at all. He is quite calm and measured in his responses all the time. So, this incident surprised me and worried me.

Come on mom. He is a 16 yo young man with girls with his hormones running wild. Are you really surprised? Tell him to think with his head but his hormones. Consider himself lucky.

+1. Maybe he even likes one of the girls, further fueling his confrontational attitude? It doesn’t really matter, what matters is that he understands that he thinks with his head, not his hormones (or anything else) in situations like these. This will stand him in good stead in MANY instances to come.