Play date screwup on all sides - what do I do now?

[Anonymous]

4 year old DD and her friend have had a few play dates. Our kids are onlies, I like the family, so does DH. They have always hosted, because while we all live in city apartments, ours was a harder walk up and their child has a serious allergy. We moved a little more than a month ago into an easier apartment but are still figuring out where to place and store some things.

So the other mom asked me a few weeks ago to have a play date today - she wasn’t initially clear which date, so I confirmed which Saturday she wanted by text and didn’t hear back and assumed we were good. I clarified in deference to her because I’m at home and she works and travels a lot and I wanted to fit into their schedule. Last Saturday she asked if the date was for then; it wasn’t as I’d put today’s date in the text and she’d okayed, so I just said no, next one right? No problems. Today, however, when she reached out and I reminded DH, he said he’d made an appointment with a furniture store which is literally by appointment only on Saturday and on one weekday where my DH could never make it. I asked if we could go to their place after and he was insistent that we do more apartment stuff. He is mellow and goes along with everything, but we’re trying to push to get our home set up and everything takes more time of course than it should - even with me at home it’s taken multiple appointments to be at home for things like incorrect Best Buy deliveries, the repair of a delivered piece of furniture etc. Unusual but normal for a move. DH works hard and forgot I may have had a conflict, and wanted me to be with him to buy expensive stuff for us. He’s tired and didn’t want to add to his day though he likes them and I’ve never had a drop-off date; we hung out all together before.

I was embarrassed and apologized, profusely, to my friend and asked if I could make it up but explained we couldn’t make it. She hasn’t replied. Ultimately DH was right that it couldn’t all be done. I don’t know how to make it up (I asked if they could come over later today and that didn’t work, and neither does tomorrow - I wanted to be helpful if possible) but also feel frustrated. I would never ignore someone and I don’t know what to do. I know it’s easy for me to say but I would not be icy over something like this ever, and if she was confused about when we were getting together last week that on her. So what should I do?

[Anonymous]

You’re making a mountain of a molehill.

[Anonymous]

Ha, you’re probably right. I just get the sense she’s pissed and would want to fix that.

[Anonymous]

I’m exhausted just reading this. What you should do is calm down.

Why couldn’t you go while DH waited for the delivery? You could have kept it short and then done apartment stuff later. Moving stuff really isn’t as dramatic as you’re portraying it.

You say she didn’t respond, but there must have been some response since she turned down other suggested times? What other response do you want? You flaked at the last minute, she wasn’t available to change plans, the conversation is done. Yeah, she’s probably a little annoyed, but she’ll get over it.

[Anonymous]

I wrote that out to avoid follow ups but I know, PP.

There wasn’t a delivery - we were ordering new shelves together. I was shopping for our place at the only time we could.

[Anonymous]

You sound insane.

[Anonymous]

And no, she didn’t reply when I told her we couldn’t make it. Oh well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound insane.

Thanks.

[Anonymous]

I can’t even figure out what happened.

[Anonymous]

Have you never interacted with a human before?

[Anonymous]

Can you guys quit with digs? I had a mixup with a play date and want to make it up. I’m typing on my phone and gave too much detail. I like this mom and I didn’t have that much choice in it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you guys quit with digs? I had a mixup with a play date and want to make it up. I’m typing on my phone and gave too much detail. I like this mom and I didn’t have that much choice in it.

I mean, you did actually... but she doesn’t know that. She didn’t respond another time, so maybe she doesn’t always respond to texts. Honestly, I’d be annoyed if I were her. But not a huge deal. Did today and tomorrow not work for you or her? If her, I’m confused because that means she did reply. If for you, that means you offered no makeup options? How do you expect her to respond?

[Anonymous]

Why don’t you just call and apologize and make new plans if this is really bothering you? I like texting as much as the next person but sometimes you need an actual conversation.

Also-you guys need a shared calendar app.

[Anonymous]

You should have gone to the furniture store and then gone to the play date after. Why does your DH have to come? And if it’s just that he’s insisting he wants to get more house stuff done with you, tough. You have a conflict.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you guys quit with digs? I had a mixup with a play date and want to make it up. I’m typing on my phone and gave too much detail. I like this mom and I didn’t have that much choice in it.

You had the choice to keep the play date. You chose not to.