Play date screwup on all sides - what do I do now?

[Anonymous]

OP, there is SO much to respond to in your whole post, but the one statement that really rankles me is the passive aggressive “I would never ignore someone”.

No, you would not ignore them, but you also see no real problem with cancelling a play date that has been planned for WEEKS, so you could go shop at an expensive store with your husband. You know, the appointment that you could have had last week when your play date wasn’t. It sounds as though many Saturdays where you could have been “by appointment only” have passed.

She’s not sitting around on her day off to wait for your texts and anxiety - sounds like she has a life of her own and is out there living it. You chose shelving over her, at a moments notice after YOU confirmed the date... I’d be less than enthused to respond to you quickly, either.

You had other options today. Your kids know each other, and although you’ve never done a drop off date, you could have asked if dropping off your child was an option.

I know your husband works so many hours, but it sounds like this woman does as well... and your household burden isn’t hers to carry.

Oh and to reiterate - you cancelled. You have NO IDEA what else she had on her plate. Her lack of response might be about you - or it might be because, just like you, she is out living her own damn life and not getting sucked into flakey drama over play dates.

Oh, and you weren’t being “helpful” by bombarding her immediately with other dates and time. You were trying to mop up alleviate your own guilt. You wouldn’t be icy, becaus it seems you don’t even have the backbone to tell your husband that no, you have plans until 1pm, but would love to go shelf shopping then.

As an aside... are you normally pretty flaky? I don’t even understand being home and note being able to handle deliveries, etc. I WAH AND watch our toddler; when we moved into our house we started completely fresh, and it didn’t cause that much disruption in our life.

[Anonymous]

Just curious, if she seemed to want to do the play date last weekend and you SAH and didn’t have other plans and you always go to her house anyway, why didn’t you offer to switch it to that day if it suits her better?

[Anonymous]

I have 3 kids and recently renovated our very large home. We had nonstop deliveries and contractors in and out of the house.

I don’t cancel on my friends. I schedule the home appointments when I am available.

Of course there were times when times shifted and I would change the time of plans with friends. This would usually be on the same day. Sounds like you could have easily gone to the oh so important shelving appointment with your husband and then have gone to the play date after. That is what you should have done. Instead you chose to run errands with your husband because he didn’t want to go or didn’t want you to go to the play date.

The other mom has every right to blow you off and she should. Why would she try to make future plans with you when you cancelled on her with a bad excuse and then a non excuse for a slightly later play date on the same day.

[Anonymous]

Seems like FaceTime would have solved this problem. Husband is picky about furniture so he can go to fancy exclusive store; when he decides what he likes, he can FaceTime oP, who then says “Looks great, DH! Just make sure they screw it into the walls so it doesn’t crush Larlo!” The end.
I’ve never heard of a furniture store that is appointment only and only open two days a week though. I am constantly amazed at what I learn on this forum.

[Anonymous]

These things happen. You should plan better but hey, its life. anyone whose life is so rigid that they are completely thrown by a missed play date is going to be an exhausting friend.

We've had last minute cancellations may times, all kinds of things happen in people's lives. Tis life.

And sure the kid will be disappointed for a bit but that's life too and good to learn to deal with disappointment when you are young. Good to learn how to get over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These things happen. You should plan better but hey, its life. anyone whose life is so rigid that they are completely thrown by a missed play date is going to be an exhausting friend.

We've had last minute cancellations may times, all kinds of things happen in people's lives. Tis life.

And sure the kid will be disappointed for a bit but that's life too and good to learn to deal with disappointment when you are young. Good to learn how to get over it.

Sounds like they are indeed over it (that is, over the OP). And she doesn’t like it.

[Anonymous]

I really don't understand why you couldn't go look at the special, expensive shelves, and then do the play date. So what if your husband wanted to do more apartment stuff. "Sorry, honey, I made plans with Mary and it would be rude to cancel at the last minute." So yes, I would be annoyed and think you were a flake. And I wouldn't have texted you that it was "no biggie," and I wouldn't have been in a rush to make plans again, either. You want her to say that so that you don't have to feel bad, but that's not her job. You flaked so you could go look at shelves. Seriously, that's not even close to an emergency.

It's also possible that she had other stuff going on and couldn't get back to you right away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think alot of the responses here are overly harsh, very self righteous and a few are downright just bitchy. Plus, the people who said they couldn't understand the issue because you posted too much are not very bright. I had no problem whatsoever following what you were describing. You don't sound like an inconsiderate or flighty person.

I understand your dilemma, but also get where the other mom is miffed. Honestly, wait a few days and then call and apologize again. If she seriously can't get over one miscommunication snafu then that's her problem and not someone you probably want to stay close with. If you are usually a considerate and responsible friend she should be able to chalk this up to "one of those things" and move on. I mean, seriously this is ONE playdate for a 4 year old. If she can't cut someone some slack for a one time flub on something like this, or understand that you also need to keep a little peace in your marriage cuz your husband is stressed out, she's way more uptight than all these nasty responses have accused you of being.

But how is it a miscommunication? Because the other mom thought it was last week but they confirmed a week ago it was today?

Yeah, there's no "miscommunication" here. The fact that she thought it was the prior weekend has nothing to do with OP's decision to blow off the play date this weekend. This is not a "screwup on all sides." It's a screwup on OP's side. And OP wants to say both sides are somehow responsible, when it's 100 percent on her.

There's not much you can do but apologize, but I would be really annoyed if you made plans, confirmed them, and then told me you had to bail so you could go shelf-shopping with your husband. Like, really? That's the lamest excuse. But people flaking on plans drives me nuts. Her time is just as valuable as yours.

[Anonymous]

So what happened OP, did your friend ever get back to you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So what happened OP, did your friend ever get back to you?

bump because I'm curious too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you guys quit with digs? I had a mixup with a play date and want to make it up. I’m typing on my phone and gave too much detail. I like this mom and I didn’t have that much choice in it.

You had the choice to keep the play date. You chose not to.

No, I really didn’t. I got into a minor argument with DH about it. He works enough weekday hours that he wanted to spend time with us. He is very laid back and this was aberrant. Just a bad day and crap timing.

Yes, you did. It goes like this “no honey, I have prior plans”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you guys quit with digs? I had a mixup with a play date and want to make it up. I’m typing on my phone and gave too much detail. I like this mom and I didn’t have that much choice in it.

You had the choice to keep the play date. You chose not to.

No, I really didn’t. I got into a minor argument with DH about it. He works enough weekday hours that he wanted to spend time with us. He is very laid back and this was aberrant. Just a bad day and crap timing.

Yes, you did. It goes like this “no honey, I have prior plans”

I actually feel bad for OP that she couldn’t say that. At first I thought she was clueless and completely rude but now I wonder if she’s just a weak woman in a somewhat abusive relationship. The fact that “getting into a minor argument” with her husband is such a notable event suggests that too. She’s still a bit clueless, but perhaps not as inherently rude as I first thought.