Play date screwup on all sides - what do I do now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you guys quit with digs? I had a mixup with a play date and want to make it up. I’m typing on my phone and gave too much detail. I like this mom and I didn’t have that much choice in it.

Is your DH abusive in other ways as well, OP?

Am I right to understand that your DH accompanied you on the previous play dates? And he refused to postpone his shopping plans and demanded that you were there even though it meant canceling on other people AND you see it that you “didn’t have a choice” but to submit to his demands?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you guys quit with digs? I had a mixup with a play date and want to make it up. I’m typing on my phone and gave too much detail. I like this mom and I didn’t have that much choice in it.

Is your DH abusive in other ways as well, OP?

Am I right to understand that your DH accompanied you on the previous play dates? And he refused to postpone his shopping plans and demanded that you were there even though it meant canceling on other people AND you see it that you “didn’t have a choice” but to submit to his demands?

PP here again. Is there any chance you and your DH are from another culture where the man is the boss and not to be questioned?

[Anonymous]

In reading the original post, I think the OP had to do the shopping and then had to go home after. The husband would not let her go to the play date after the shopping.

OP there’s a lot to unpack there. I mean, it’s your life. You have free will. Your husband cannot ban you from going places. Next time say “I understand you want me to help you build this book case, but I made a commitment to someone else”.

We host a lot. I clean the house and time the day around the play date. So I would be SUPER annoyed.

[Anonymous]

With a four year old and a familiar family, I'd just ask to drop off. And if I was the hosting family, I'd be psyched because then I don't have to entertain someone and can just let the kids play.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, if I’m the other mom you maybe have one more shot and then I’m done with you. I’m a single parent who works full time so if I’m making plans with you I have scheduled around that time and that’s our planned see other humans activity so I don’t go insane. You flake on me and then at the last minute you don’t show up because you have to go shelf shopping and tell me about five minutes before, I am really pissed. I’m keeping a million balls in the air and I can figure out how to show up to an activity, so when you blow me and my child off for a piece of wood that you could,have gone to visit during the week, you just come off as completely flaky and self centered. If your husband works full time so you can stay at home, he doesn’t give a crap about the shelf style - go pick it out. Stop insisting that you “share all the moments together”. And if he cares that much, he can go pick out the shelf himself and get it set up.

Don’t forgive yourself for “feeling bad”. Do the right thing the first time. It’s really not that hard.

[Anonymous]

Let me also point out that you let down the other 4 year old child. Another reason she may be annoyed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let me also point out that you let down the other 4 year old child. Another reason she may be annoyed.

This was my first thought too?

The kids seem to be old enough for a drop-off playdate especially since you're close to the mom and you had all this furniture shopping to do. Why didn't you do that instead?

[Anonymous]

This wasn’t a “play date screwup on all sides.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This wasn’t a “play date screwup on all sides.”

I’m surprised she called it that too. Maybe she meAnt her and her DH??? No idea how she could call it a screw up by the innocent other mom or child.

[Anonymous]

Something is off here having to do with your husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think alot of the responses here are overly harsh, very self righteous and a few are downright just bitchy. Plus, the people who said they couldn't understand the issue because you posted too much are not very bright. I had no problem whatsoever following what you were describing. You don't sound like an inconsiderate or flighty person.

I understand your dilemma, but also get where the other mom is miffed. Honestly, wait a few days and then call and apologize again. If she seriously can't get over one miscommunication snafu then that's her problem and not someone you probably want to stay close with. If you are usually a considerate and responsible friend she should be able to chalk this up to "one of those things" and move on. I mean, seriously this is ONE playdate for a 4 year old. If she can't cut someone some slack for a one time flub on something like this, or understand that you also need to keep a little peace in your marriage cuz your husband is stressed out, she's way more uptight than all these nasty responses have accused you of being.

You clearly didn’t understand the Op. there was no communication snafu this weekend. OP clearly communicated to her friend that she is not a priority over house shopping. A list of valid reasons to cancel a play date would include sickness, emergency, etc, but definitely would not include “needed to go shelf shopping”!

[Anonymous]

I don't get why your DH can't go shelf shopping alone. I honestly can't wrap my head around that....shelf shopping. I'd much rather go alone than drag a 4 year old!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think alot of the responses here are overly harsh, very self righteous and a few are downright just bitchy. Plus, the people who said they couldn't understand the issue because you posted too much are not very bright. I had no problem whatsoever following what you were describing. You don't sound like an inconsiderate or flighty person.

I understand your dilemma, but also get where the other mom is miffed. Honestly, wait a few days and then call and apologize again. If she seriously can't get over one miscommunication snafu then that's her problem and not someone you probably want to stay close with. If you are usually a considerate and responsible friend she should be able to chalk this up to "one of those things" and move on. I mean, seriously this is ONE playdate for a 4 year old. If she can't cut someone some slack for a one time flub on something like this, or understand that you also need to keep a little peace in your marriage cuz your husband is stressed out, she's way more uptight than all these nasty responses have accused you of being.

You clearly didn’t understand the Op. there was no communication snafu this weekend. OP clearly communicated to her friend that she is not a priority over house shopping. A list of valid reasons to cancel a play date would include sickness, emergency, etc, but definitely would not include “needed to go shelf shopping”!

Yup, and according to the OP, the other mom works really hard, travels for work, and has at least one child with serious allergies. She doesn’t have the time or energy to deal with someone like OP who will cancel everything the second her husband wants someone to hold his hand shopping for the day.

[Anonymous]

Dh is probably jealous that op gets to spend her days with Dd and he gets only the weekends. So he wants family time with them, which for him includes going all together as a family to choose shelves. Having op and dd host a play date, while he shleps for shelf duty probably seemed too unfair for him. Op, you just dropped the woman and her child at the drop of a hat. No big deal, but the woman has no incentive to make plans with you again. Would you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let me also point out that you let down the other 4 year old child. Another reason she may be annoyed.

This was my first thought too?

The kids seem to be old enough for a drop-off playdate especially since you're close to the mom and you had all this furniture shopping to do. Why didn't you do that instead?

This really might be a big deal for the other family.

Anonymous wrote:I don't get why your DH can't go shelf shopping alone. I honestly can't wrap my head around that....shelf shopping. I'd much rather go alone than drag a 4 year old!

It sounds like DH booked an appointment for the furniture thing but didn't check with OP first. Fine. Why not have him keep the appointment he made, and he can scout out for his opinion of what's best out there. Then he could have booked a follow-up appointment to take you. That would've left you to carry through on your commitments.

If he didn't clear it with you, then he didn't clear it with you.