Play date screwup on all sides - what do I do now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You flaked on her at the last minute and she's miffed. I'd be too. If she works then her weekend time is also precious and she set aside time to spend for a play date as opposed to doing other things she can't get done on a weekend. I get it, you moved and are clearly not that organized. It's ok for you but not when it affects other people.

Yes to all of this. I’d be annoyed too. I’m sure it’ll be fine but I’d give her some space and let her come back to you in a few days or so.

[Anonymous]

None of this makes sense.

You had plans.

Your husband had to go to a furniture store today? And you had to go? And it had to do with his chill personality and... what?

Why did you cancel?

[Anonymous]

OP, I think alot of the responses here are overly harsh, very self righteous and a few are downright just bitchy. Plus, the people who said they couldn't understand the issue because you posted too much are not very bright. I had no problem whatsoever following what you were describing. You don't sound like an inconsiderate or flighty person.

I understand your dilemma, but also get where the other mom is miffed. Honestly, wait a few days and then call and apologize again. If she seriously can't get over one miscommunication snafu then that's her problem and not someone you probably want to stay close with. If you are usually a considerate and responsible friend she should be able to chalk this up to "one of those things" and move on. I mean, seriously this is ONE playdate for a 4 year old. If she can't cut someone some slack for a one time flub on something like this, or understand that you also need to keep a little peace in your marriage cuz your husband is stressed out, she's way more uptight than all these nasty responses have accused you of being.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think alot of the responses here are overly harsh, very self righteous and a few are downright just bitchy. Plus, the people who said they couldn't understand the issue because you posted too much are not very bright. I had no problem whatsoever following what you were describing. You don't sound like an inconsiderate or flighty person.

I understand your dilemma, but also get where the other mom is miffed. Honestly, wait a few days and then call and apologize again. If she seriously can't get over one miscommunication snafu then that's her problem and not someone you probably want to stay close with. If you are usually a considerate and responsible friend she should be able to chalk this up to "one of those things" and move on. I mean, seriously this is ONE playdate for a 4 year old. If she can't cut someone some slack for a one time flub on something like this, or understand that you also need to keep a little peace in your marriage cuz your husband is stressed out, she's way more uptight than all these nasty responses have accused you of being.

But how is it a miscommunication? Because the other mom thought it was last week but they confirmed a week ago it was today?

[Anonymous]

I lost a friend once because I flaked in her like this twice in a row. She flat out said that she did not want to be friends with someone whose commitments for plans she couldn’t rely upon. I felt like that was overly harsh at the time.

Now I admire her for it, 20 years later. I AM flaky. I hardly ever commit to anything anymore because I pull shit like this on people and I now understand that it is extremely frustrating to others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You flaked on her at the last minute and she's miffed. I'd be too. If she works then her weekend time is also precious and she set aside time to spend for a play date as opposed to doing other things she can't get done on a weekend. I get it, you moved and are clearly not that organized. It's ok for you but not when it affects other people.

Yes to all of this. I’d be annoyed too. I’m sure it’ll be fine but I’d give her some space and let her come back to you in a few days or so.

Another yes. And (sorry) but the fact that other mom works and you SAH makes the cancellation even more ridiculous. You have all the time in the world to go shelf shopping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You flaked on her at the last minute and she's miffed. I'd be too. If she works then her weekend time is also precious and she set aside time to spend for a play date as opposed to doing other things she can't get done on a weekend. I get it, you moved and are clearly not that organized. It's ok for you but not when it affects other people.

Yes to all of this. I’d be annoyed too. I’m sure it’ll be fine but I’d give her some space and let her come back to you in a few days or so.

Another yes. And (sorry) but the fact that other mom works and you SAH makes the cancellation even more ridiculous. You have all the time in the world to go shelf shopping.

Yes. PLUS you sound like you defer completely to your husband (who also sounds like an asshole - to her - for insisting you break your plans).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You went shopping instead of staying put for a scheduled play date?

This question sums it up. If you flake out on people for silly reasons or no reason, you should not expect them to want to spend time with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Today, however, when she reached out and I reminded DH, he said he’d made an appointment with a furniture store which is literally by appointment only on Saturday and on one weekday where my DH could never make it. I asked if we could go to their place after and he was insistent that we do more apartment stuff. He is mellow and goes along with everything, but we’re trying to push to get our home set up and everything takes more time of course than it should - even with me at home it’s taken multiple appointments to be at home for things like incorrect Best Buy deliveries, the repair of a delivered piece of furniture etc. Unusual but normal for a move. DH works hard and forgot I may have had a conflict, and wanted me to be with him to buy expensive stuff for us. He’s tired and didn’t want to add to his day though he likes them and I’ve never had a drop-off date; we hung out all together before.

OP if you got a do-over, would you make the same call to cancel the play date to shop with DH?

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry op, try to do something to take your mind off the stress. The worst that happens is she is upset and put out but like you said it shouldn’t be a big deal and her non response is rude and that’s on her. I wouldn’t pursue any more contact with an adult that wants to be catty. Hopefully, she is just busy and take note if it’s the case so you don’t panic at her next lack of response. Practice letting things slide in general, so you don’t get so worked up.

[Anonymous]

It’s really difficult to be held responsible for things planned in someone else’s head without notifying you. She is partially at fault for not being upfront ASAP with her plans and expecting you to be on board. Why is it ok for her to be irked and not you?

[Anonymous]

Whhhhaaa?

[Anonymous]

I’m a SAHM and would think you were a flake. Your long winded excuse is lame.

We just moved and have a shit ton of stuff to do. I would not cancel on a friend for a house appointment. You move the house appointment.

It sounds like she wanted you to come after the shelf appointment and you said no.

[Anonymous]

I just reread the OP. oP is even worse. She could have gone after the furniture appt that is only available once per weekend.

Why did your husband have to come? Why couldn’t you do the other house stuff on Sunday since you already had plans?

I want my 5 min back.

[Anonymous]

You don't cancel scheduled plans with another family because your husband wants to go furniture shopping.

Sorry OP, but I wouldn't reply to your text and I wouldn't make future plans with you either. At least not unless it was the very last minute and I had nothing better to do. I certainly wouldn't be blocking my schedule. You pretty much made it clear that anything in the entire world is more important than her and you have no hesitation dropping plans at the drop of a hat.

I'm not sure how you want to make it right with her. Seems like you want her to tell you "no biggie" but the fact is that it IS a biggie to normal people to be dropped at the last minute over nothing.

Sounds like you need to move on to try to find other friends and this time think long and hard about how you want to treat people.