Very upset with DH... am I right to be?
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Anonymous
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I need someone to tell me whether I am crazy or I am right to be upset.
I am 30 weeks pregnant with our third baby. My parents are in town for the holidays and took our kids to museums for the day. I am working from home so stayed in and wrote (my job). DH has a super easy time at work this time a year so he went to the gym at 10:30 had lunch nearby with friends and ended up having drinks with friends and did not come home until after 6. He came home drunk. We are in a very tight financial situation because of a property that i own and we are trying to sell (with no success) that is super expensive. As a result, until We sell this place, we are routinely spending more than we make. I have not gotten anything for me (nails, hair, massage, clOthers, books, etc.) since May because I am trying to contain our expens. DH has been going out for HH and dinners, etc. At least 5 times in the last 2 weeks. Occasionally coming home drunk. I feel this is a huge slap in my face. I would love to get a massage or get a pedicure, but I don’t (I also don’t go out to lunch or dinner). Today he spent probably $80 between lunch and fancy drinks. I have been crying since he got home and told me what he did. My parents are aware and I am embarrassed about that too. Why is DH such an a$$? I feel like I deserve better... why couldn’t he have bought me a massage forChristmas instead of spending money on drinks (once again)? |
Anonymous
| I would be mad too. |
Anonymous
| Is he overwhelmed with money being so tight and a third child on the way? |
Anonymous
| So sorry to hear this OP. Your husband sounds like a complete ass. What is wrong with him? Is he aware of your budget? At home we have a clear budget and we both try to adhere to it, of course there are unplanned things sometimes (ran a nail over and need a new tire, root canal, etc.) but getting drunk at a bar is sooo out of line given the financial context you laid out. Perhaps he doesn't know the budget?? what other issues do you guys have? Maybe he is trying to escape? you have the right to be pissed. |
Anonymous
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You read him the riot act, OP. What a selfish pig. And don't be embarrassed. Scream in front of the whole lot of them if you have to. Shame HIM. And please return his gifts - you need the money for yourself. |
Anonymous
Not an excuse. |
Anonymous
| Why are you having a third kid if you can't afford it? |
Anonymous
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Given this is the holidays and everyone deserves to let loose a little, I think you need to sit down and talk about this calmly instead of reacting with anger. I also think you BOTH need an allowance, for one. Clearly you are not on the same page about money.
Does he not care/is resentful because it’s your property losing money? |
Anonymous
Actually it is. Especially since it’s her property and I assume he had to say in having a third child. |
Anonymous
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If $80 upsets you yet, you have an expensive piece of property to sell, then you need to lower the price of the property. Things cannot be this tight with your budget because a third kid is going to blow that idea to pieces. It sounds just vaguely like you are wound up a little too tight.
You talk about working from home like it’s a sacrifice and belittle your DH’s job as easy. You make a production out what you don’t spend money on but want to control his expenditures. You then bias responses by announcing that your DH is an ass. The problem is you are pregnant (again) during the holidays with house guests and you can’t go out to have a drink too. |
Anonymous
No, you don’t get to completely undermine your family’s financial security because your stressed, especially not when you have kids. |
Anonymous
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Would he begrudge you getting a manicure or pedicure?
Are your parents in town an added expense? Are you discussing the budget issues together as partners? Did you both agree on the budget? |
Anonymous
This, and I don't get complaining about luxuries like manicures, pedicures, hair done. Both of you are wrong and need to cut back. You've been spending lavishly, over spent for real estate, not managing your money well, having a third child... there is more going on here. |
Anonymous
They both have with lavish spending before this. |
Anonymous
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OP here. Thank you. I am very upset and he is sleeping on the couch tonight. Unfortunately baby calendar before we put the house on sale and we also thought we would be selling it within a couple of months max.
I never ever check what my DH spends money on. He pays the credit cards so I have no clue. I know he spent somewhere around $80 today because he had lunch at a restaurant (cheap one he says) and then told me he spent around $50 in drinks. I understand that it’s the holidays and he has many friends, but I find it so very inconsiderate. He does not have a easy job, but during this time everyone is on vacation and we are not (because I am pregnant and to save money) so basically he can come and go as he pleases and today didn’t even go in. We are not unhappy and i realize our money issue is temporary and once the place finally sells (or we rent it again) I will start spending more and won’t care if he does the same. Also, I have no control over him. I had no idea he was going to have lunch a drinks with friends... we had something at 5 that he/we missed (since he arrived home at 6) and that is when I got upset and asked where he was and what he was doing |