Help! DD14 does not want to come with us on family trip

[Anonymous]

Every year during winter break my family takes a few days to visit family who live 8 hours away. This year my daughter 14 (almost 15) does not want to go. Our oldest child is 19 and staying home so she wants to stay with her. I am so worried about leaving DD14. I feel like she will have nothing to do for 4 days while we are away. She has been very moody lately and possibly depressed.

I am considering not going on our trip because I don't want to leave DD14. Any advice?

[Anonymous]

I would insist on her joining us. 14 is still too young to be allowed to pout off on her separate way.

[Anonymous]

When did oldest dd start backing out? That's when the next one can too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When did oldest dd start backing out? That's when the next one can too.

My first instinct was "who cares what a 14 y/o wants; you're the parent" but this is the fair answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would insist on her joining us. 14 is still too young to be allowed to pout off on her separate way.

I tried this and she is doing the "I refuse to go." "I refuse to get in the car." thing. She is very strong willed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When did oldest dd start backing out? That's when the next one can too.

Older DD has to work.

[Anonymous]

I am almost never in this camp, but agree "Who cares what she wants?" Family obligations are not optional: you go along, get along and make the best of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would insist on her joining us. 14 is still too young to be allowed to pout off on her separate way.

I tried this and she is doing the "I refuse to go." "I refuse to get in the car." thing. She is very strong willed.

Then you refuse to let her have a cell phone, or wifi, or whatever is her currency. That's not how families work.

But WHY is she so insistent? Is there a reason (good or not so good)?

[Anonymous]

Fourteen year old alone while older daughter works and hangs out with her friends. HELL TO THE NO.

[Anonymous]

The fact that you sense she may be depressed is the real issue with not leaving her alone. 14 is a very impulsive age. I'm speaking from experience (my daughter went from depressed to actively suicidal). As a parent, I try to live such that I don't regret my actions. I definitely wouldn't leave a depressed 14 year old alone.

[Anonymous]

Why would she possibly be given an option? She is 14.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would insist on her joining us. 14 is still too young to be allowed to pout off on her separate way.

I tried this and she is doing the "I refuse to go." "I refuse to get in the car." thing. She is very strong willed.

Do you always alolow your children to dictate to you what they will and will not do? I think you may have waited a bit late, but you can still grow a spine and learn to use it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would insist on her joining us. 14 is still too young to be allowed to pout off on her separate way.

I tried this and she is doing the "I refuse to go." "I refuse to get in the car." thing. She is very strong willed.

Then you refuse to let her have a cell phone, or wifi, or whatever is her currency. That's not how families work.

But WHY is she so insistent? Is there a reason (good or not so good)?

She has been really out of sorts lately. So moody. She does not want to be around anyone except her friends. Really pushing me away.

[Anonymous]

If she refuses, then all extras for her stop. Room and board. She can do her own laundry. No extracurriculars etc.

You refuse to do extras for a minor CHILD who does not comply.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would insist on her joining us. 14 is still too young to be allowed to pout off on her separate way.

I tried this and she is doing the "I refuse to go." "I refuse to get in the car." thing. She is very strong willed.

Two questions:

-Why does she not want to go?
-What is your major worry if she does not go?