How can I blow MIL out of the water?

[Anonymous]

Not sure if this is the right place, but it is family related.

For several reasons, MIL has abdicated Christmas dinner to me this year. We will have a whole house full. She’s already critiquing everything on my menu, etc. She’s very critical of everything in general, and thinks she’s the “hostess with the mostess” even though she’s really just a “hot mess” when it comes to hosting (just ask DH or FIL, they have stories to tell!)

She’s expecting me to fail. She thinks I’m not capable. She thinks she is the only one who can host. How can I blow this thing out of the water? (And I know she never will admit it if I did, nor do I need her to, but I want to feel it myself. I want that “I pulled it off” moment for myself.)

[Anonymous]

What time is the meal and how many people?

Are they generally hoity toity types or salt of the earth?

Impressive will mean very different things depending on what they are like. For example, if they are very homey simple people, too fancy will make everyone uncomfortable. Too upscale and something warm and fun would be more than they could handle.

[Anonymous]

cater and hire help to serve. lounge with a martini in hand without a care in the world, have a great time. She will be critical no matter what you do.

[Anonymous]

Prep everything beforehand. Lots of candles in the table. Beautiful dessert. Sparkling wine in large quantities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What time is the meal and how many people?

Are they generally hoity toity types or salt of the earth?

Impressive will mean very different things depending on what they are like. For example, if they are very homey simple people, too fancy will make everyone uncomfortable. Too upscale and something warm and fun would be more than they could handle.

Dinner at 6pm
The family, salt of the earth for sure. Lovely, easy going people. MIL pretends to be refined and of exceptional taste, but in reality, she’s the same as the rest of us.

[Anonymous]

What is the menu, then? Can’t answer your question because you are vague about the situation.

[Anonymous]

Frankly, having been the host, I would stress less on the menu, but in making sure everything goes smoothly. Make sure that the table is set and the serving trays/platters are all ready to go exactly when needed. Make sure that the evening starts on time and that there are appetizers and drinks before dinner. Make sure that everything comes out smoothly and you don't have people waiting 45 minutes for dinner. So, do the planning. And if you plan early, make sure to leave windows where you can actually spend some time socializing and aren't locked in the kitchen cooking while others are standing around waiting or bugging you "What can I do to help?" I like to keep small easy tasks on a list for those people so that they can feel helpful. Everything from moving gravy from the saucepan to the gravy boat and putting it on the table, to putting out butter for the rolls, or please fill the water pitcher and then fill the water glasses.

Organization will make it feel much more successful than a gourmet menu.

[Anonymous]

I recommend simple recipes so you aren't stressing in the kitchen and can spend more time on decor, offering drinks etc.

[Anonymous]

You can do individual filet mignon for everyone if you use a sous vide and then a quick sear for each one afterwords. No timing necessary- they can sit in the sous vide literally all day and then when you decide it's dinner time, sear them 5 at a time in a big pan for like a minute each and you're done. And there are some easy buche de noel recipes (yule log cake) that always look impressive and festive but are pretty easy

[Anonymous]

Relax and have fun with everyone else, because if she's anything like my mother, she'll find fault NO MATTER WHAT.

[Anonymous]

I would do a tenderloin. With bernaise sauce but with lower key sides (brussels, mashed potatoes, cranberry) and a really lovely dessert. Make a cake or do a trifle, something with visual impact. Also, and IMO this is what makes or breaks a big event like this, have LOTS of high quality good apps.

Cheese plate, veggie plate, some hot dips (crab/spinach&artichoke), a hot meat like meatballs or sausage.

Have a french baguette heated for this, that really ups the ante over crackers. Most of this you can do day before and just put it out on the counter as people arrive.

And don't skimp on the drinks, fully stocked fridge.

Are you doing present opening/breakfast as well? If so have a gift for every person and a stocking for every person. And I would just go easy pancakes/egg/sausage/coffee.

[Anonymous]

Drink some wine and enjoy yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Relax and have fun with everyone else, because if she's anything like my mother, she'll find fault NO MATTER WHAT.

Agree with this advice. Do what you want to do, assume that your MIL won't like it, and don't worry about it. Don't compete with her. Do your own thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Relax and have fun with everyone else, because if she's anything like my mother, she'll find fault NO MATTER WHAT.

+1 The only way to win is to stop caring about what she thinks. If you prioritize guest comfort (plenty of appetizers & booze at the start) and prioritize YOUR comfort, you will have a good time, and everyone else will too.

Of my happiest party remembrances, the menu doesn't even come up. It's about the atmosphere-- relaxed, comfortable, fun.

[Anonymous]

have ample quantities of blow for everyone to enjoy by the pool.