How can I blow MIL out of the water?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Frankly, having been the host, I would stress less on the menu, but in making sure everything goes smoothly. Make sure that the table is set and the serving trays/platters are all ready to go exactly when needed. Make sure that the evening starts on time and that there are appetizers and drinks before dinner. Make sure that everything comes out smoothly and you don't have people waiting 45 minutes for dinner. So, do the planning. And if you plan early, make sure to leave windows where you can actually spend some time socializing and aren't locked in the kitchen cooking while others are standing around waiting or bugging you "What can I do to help?" I like to keep small easy tasks on a list for those people so that they can feel helpful. Everything from moving gravy from the saucepan to the gravy boat and putting it on the table, to putting out butter for the rolls, or please fill the water pitcher and then fill the water glasses.

Organization will make it feel much more successful than a gourmet menu.

x1000

I've been hosting for years and some years have been fabulous, others just felt overwhelming and hectic.

On the years I've killed it, I've simplified the menu, prepped EVERYTHING ahead of time and am able to enjoy a glass of wine with my guests when they arrive instead of being too crazed trying to get it all done to enjoy any of it. My guests always have a much better time when I'm relaxed and things are smooth than if the food is more complicated and fancy.

[Anonymous]

The key is--whether you serve pizza or Coquilles St. Jaques--is for you to smile, be calm and laugh and have fun no matter what. And I mean even if you drop the beef tenderloin on the kitchenn floor.

Even if she criticizes the menu or the decor or anything, if you are smiling and joyous, and your guests have a good time, you've won.

Repeat her criticisms in a way that engages others to shout them down.

[A shade louder than is necessary:]

"Oh, Susan, I'm so sorry you don't like the goat cheese mashed potatoes. I thought everyone would enjoy something a little different."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Relax and have fun with everyone else, because if she's anything like my mother, she'll find fault NO MATTER WHAT.

Agree with this advice. Do what you want to do, assume that your MIL won't like it, and don't worry about it. Don't compete with her. Do your own thing.

Ditto.

[Anonymous]

Speaking from experience, don’t serve any new dishes you’ve never tried before.

[Anonymous]

You can blow her out of the water by not caring!

[Anonymous]

Start and finish with a bang, and then you can coast a bit in the middle to make sure everything is simple/achievable.

Very fresh and steamed large shrimp with good cocktail sauce. A hot dip like crab dip or artichoke dip, purchased if you want. Good-quality crackers and baguette. A beautiful vegetable tray. Champagne or the best white you can afford to wash it down.

Then, downshift:

Beef tenderloin, ham or some other fairly easy protein
Mashed potatoes or potatoes au gratin
Cranberry sauce (boiled cranberries/water/sugar)
Yeast rolls
Burgundy mushrooms

Dessert: Fanciest thing at the bakery, alongside a homemade pecan pie and good-quality vanilla ice cream. Serve with fancy chocolates, and offer to make coffee.
Simple green beans or asparagus

[Anonymous]

Serve nothing that needs to be hovered over or timed precisely

Really good soup (you could buy this)

Beef tenderloin, slow-roasted at a low temp like on the Serious Eats website
Bearnaise butter, which is as delicious as a hollandaise-y thing, but much less sensitive
Sauteed spinach (blanche ahead of time, saute in a couple of minutes while someone clears the soup plates) or asparagus (microwave during soup plate clearing)
Yorkshire pudding (batter should be at room temperature; trim fat from your tenderloin the day before and render it so you have fat for the pan -- heat oven while roast sits)

Do you like to bake? If not, buy dessert(s). Otherwise, tiramisu and off-dry champagne or something chocolate-y or nutty, plus port (Martha Stewart has a recipe for port caramel chocolate tarts)

[Anonymous]

Do what works and what makes you happy.

Don't give a flying fig about what MIL thinks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Prep everything beforehand. Lots of candles in the table. Beautiful dessert. Sparkling wine in large quantities.

* and write a prepping schedule that includes time for you to shower so that you look good at dinner.

* make sure the kitchen is clean before the first course is served so the kitchen doesn't end up a wreck.

* if you can afford it, hire someone for the kitchen.

[Anonymous]

Plan your menu carefully and write out all the timing ahead of time to make sure all the food is on the table on time. Use post-it’s or a diagram to plan out your serving dishes and table placement.

Have lovely appetizers/ cheese plate and drinks in a room that is NOT the dining room or kitchen to keep people out of your space. Serve warm spiced or herbed mixed nuts.

Recruit 1-2 designated helpers and give them specific jobs.

Make rolls ahead of time from dough - shape them like wreaths. Have place cards? A bakery by me makes adorable sugar cookie place cards with guests’ names on them.

Serve a gorgeous array of cookies for dessert. Buy some and make some. If they are not fancy, they will not recognize the “by the pound” cookies from Whole FOods.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not sure if this is the right place, but it is family related.

For several reasons, MIL has abdicated Christmas dinner to me this year. We will have a whole house full. She’s already critiquing everything on my menu, etc. She’s very critical of everything in general, and thinks she’s the “hostess with the mostess” even though she’s really just a “hot mess” when it comes to hosting (just ask DH or FIL, they have stories to tell!)

She’s expecting me to fail. She thinks I’m not capable. She thinks she is the only one who can host. How can I blow this thing out of the water? (And I know she never will admit it if I did, nor do I need her to, but I want to feel it myself. I want that “I pulled it off” moment for myself.)

Why are you 100% responsible for the dinner? Where is your DH during this? This should be a JOINT effort. Work together. Don’t hold women back and take on unpaid labor. You’re just going to be criticized anyway. Have your husband do half and when she says something tell her it must have been hard when men weren’t expected to contribute to the household.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:have ample quantities of blow for everyone to enjoy by the pool.

There’s a lot of good advice on this thread, but this is definitely my favorite!

[Anonymous]

I'd get Popeye's and call it a day. That'll blow her hair back.

[Anonymous]

No matter what you do, you're not going to get the reaction you are looking for.

So do what you want and stop caring about her. That is the thing that will upset her the most. If you genuinely, deep down, no pretending do not give one single shit what she thinks.

Also, it will feel liberating and amazing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:have ample quantities of blow for everyone to enjoy by the pool.

There’s a lot of good advice on this thread, but this is definitely my favorite!

Right? Just when I think I should quite DCUM, something like this makes me laugh so hard.