DH fear of flying + holidays
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Anonymous
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My DH used to travel for work all the time and flying was never pleasant for him but he used to be able to tolerate it okay. About 3 years ago, he got a job that requires no travel and while it’s been lovely to not have him gone for 1-2 weeks a month for half the year, it is now basically impossible for us to travel for pleasure of it involves flying. My entire family lives on the west coast and they have visited us but I have not been out to visit them since 2015 because DH’s fear of flying is so severe that he won’t go and won’t agree for me to go with our kids alone. In like April, we started talking about Christmas and going out west. He was very nervous about it but agreed to go. It is the 2nd week of November and he is already anxious about the trip such that he brings it up at least once a day (how stressed he is about flying at all, how the plane might crash, how he isn’t looking forward to it at all).
I have suggested the following: anti-anxiety meds, a stiff drink, me handling all the luggage and children. I have even suggested that if he is gat nervous about it, he does not have to go. But I am not willing to simply never see my parents and siblings again because of an irrational fear of flying that was manageable 5 years ago. He has rejected all my suggestions (meds make him groggy and unhappy, he doesn’t like drinking, he feels bad making me deal with all the kid stuff and baggage). I have tried really hard to be sympathetic but I’m out of sympathy. He would be thrilled if we just canceled the trip and never went anywhere again. I find that incredibly selfish and not fair to our kids, who are now looking forward to the trip. Have any of you managed to get over an extreme fear of flying? |
Anonymous
| Can he drive or take the train? I know it’s very long but it is a workaround in the short term |
Anonymous
| Valium |
Anonymous
We are flying from DC to Seattle. Driving or taking the train would take days. Even he thinks that is ridiculous. |
Anonymous
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I used to have a fear of flying, but I love traveling so I didn't want to let it stop me.
I often had to call my mom at the airport for a pep talk - such as, her telling me: flying is the safest way to travel, etc. My DH is not a nervous flying, so he says things like - everything is fine, etc. I suppose it helped me to think of the other things that I do that are statistically more dangerous than flying. |
Anonymous
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The deadline is probably putting him into overdrive of anxiety but you have two issues to deal with. His fears are irrational and cannot dictate your reasonable expectations. You need to do what your rational mind and heart tells you to do.
He needs to deal with his fears as its limiting his life and he has to understand that his anxiety can’t define yours. There are solutions and alternatives but you’re seeing that he’s unwilling/unable to embrace them. Marriage counseling and individual therapy is proyneeded. Whether he’ll be able to join you this year can’t be known yet but you should go. I am not a good flyer but I deal with it. I am not dismissing his anxiety but you can’t hide from life. If you had a family member have a medical crisis or worse-what is his expectation?? His job might change and travel start again-it’s possible. Don’t ignore |
Anonymous
| I would just slap him across the chops and tell him to get over it. |
Anonymous
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Hi probably needs exposure therapy to get over the fear. It has taken hold, it isn't rational and therefore solutions don't seem plausible.
Phobias are not logical. |
Anonymous
| CBT therapy + antianxiety meds. |
Anonymous
| He cleary needs help. Ask him to see a therapist. Go on your trip. Being along might spur him on get help. |
Anonymous
| There are all kinds of articles with statistics etc. about how safe flying is. How turbulence is basically the same as bumps on a street etc. The combination of knowing that, a drink or two, and/or a small dose of Xanax Is what he needs. He just has to suck this up for his family. The more he does it the easier it will get. I have been there. |
Anonymous
| He needs to seek help if it is interfering with his life. |
Anonymous
| Make him stay off the news. The recent crash in Indonesia, and even the smaller accident the other day probably aren’t helping if he is reading about that. Could you arrange to fly first class? It really is a much calmer experience up front, not to mention easier check in, etc, and perhaps worth the expense especially if you don’t fly regularly. Good luck. |
Anonymous
| Xanax works wonders for me. |