DH fear of flying + holidays

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi probably needs exposure therapy to get over the fear. It has taken hold, it isn't rational and therefore solutions don't seem plausible.

Phobias are not logical.

OP here. Yes, this is how it was when he was flying often. Unfortunately I guess it wore off.

[Anonymous]

Funny thread for me for three reasons:

-My parents live in Seattle and we are flying there Dec 20 for the first time since 2015.

- I’m currently on a plane at Dulles heading to Asia

-I have flown frequently, and on very long flights (8 of the 10 longest flights in the world, 63 countries), but about 10 years ago had an issue with fear of flying.

Specifically, our plane lost an engine during takeoff out of Kuala Lumpur. It wound up being fine, but freaked me out, and I was afraid of flying for about 2 years afterwards.

I never stopped flying, and just faced my fears. I still fly several times per month, and am a little more jittery than I used to be. But I’m 99% fine, and actually look forward to long haul business class (today’s flight is 15 hours).

I hate to say it, but if he’s a man, he needs to sack up and face his fears head on. I did...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Xanax works wonders for me.

Same. When I fly regularly, I’m not scared. But after a break of a year or so, I do get scared. Xanax helps. He needs to compromise.

[Anonymous]

Not fully, but the places we fly to more than make up for the fear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would just slap him across the chops and tell him to get over it.

This, or B.A. Baracus him.

[Anonymous]

Real talk. I have similar anxieties. (Mine have to do with mass shootings.) my therapist always explores worst case scenarios with me. I would actually find a plane less fearsome with whole family on board. If it crashes we are all together! I know that’s messed up but it brings me comfort. My only anxiety with flying is when it’s me and DH without kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Xanax works wonders for me.

Same. When I fly regularly, I’m not scared. But after a break of a year or so, I do get scared. Xanax helps. He needs to compromise.

+3
This is what people do OP. It's become a norm. You pop a xanax, you pull up your big boy pants, and you get on the airplane. He's not the first guy and certainly isnt the last one.

It is a lame excuse that anti-anxiety meds make him groggy. Big deal even if he does feel that effect. You're sitting on a plane for 6+ hrs going to Seattle. What's the problem? It isnt like he's operating heavy machinery. Just let him zone out - let him take up your offer to deal with the kids during the flight.

[Anonymous]

OP I used to fly 2-4 times a week for my job, and now that I don't, I get pretty anxious too. I think it's because when you've flown all those times, you've hit turbulance repeatedly and had to swallow it, and now that you're not flying, all of it comes to the surface. It's sort of a luxury, that you can allow it to come to the surface, because you couldn't before because your job depended on it. But it's there.

I'd just say he can stay home. If he knows he has a choice, he might chill out and then muster up the guts to do it. However; if he doesn't do it, please don't punish him for it.

My cousin had her pilot's license and she is now afraid to fly (unless she's the pilot). She actually does take the train from NY to CA every time.

[Anonymous]

Not Valium, but Xanax. A small dose of Xanax, he is still functional but will take the fear away.

[Anonymous]

Agree, this has taken over both his and your life. He definitely has issues and needs professional help that you can’t give him. It’s beyond the stage of him just manning up and dealing with it.

For me, I could never stay married if it meant I could never travel.

[Anonymous]

OP, I am also very afraid of flying and even more when I fly with my kids. My family lives in Europe so I have to fly often. What helps me is to think of the flight attendants and the pilots. They fly so much more than I do and they seem happy and relaxed. When there is a turbulence I look at the flight attendants and it helps me relax that they still look fine and relaxed. My SIL won’t fly and it’s tough. I hate that my brother won’t leave her to come and visit us ever. It is certainly creating issues in our relationship

[Anonymous]

Not all mess make you groggy. Since he has no tolerance, a small dose of Ativan or Valium should be fine. Perhaps his dosage was too high?

Ativan is pretty mild for a benzo. He should ask his dr.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am also very afraid of flying and even more when I fly with my kids. My family lives in Europe so I have to fly often. What helps me is to think of the flight attendants and the pilots. They fly so much more than I do and they seem happy and relaxed. When there is a turbulence I look at the flight attendants and it helps me relax that they still look fine and relaxed. My SIL won’t fly and it’s tough. I hate that my brother won’t leave her to come and visit us ever. It is certainly creating issues in our relationship

I do this also re: flight attendants. It’s helpful.

[Anonymous]

Book the trip for you and kids. It's really not acceptable that his anxiety, which he could overcome for his job, would keep you and kids from seeing family. He can join or not.

Then therapy for you and for him if he's willing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would just slap him across the chops and tell him to get over it.

Is this a good idea if my wife gets post partum depression?