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Wedding shower - is this tacky???
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Anonymous
| I'm 19 wks pregnant with my first. I just moved here a year ago and have a few friends here, but no one close enough to host a shower for me. My sister, who is also pregnant with her first baby, has a lot of friends in DC (she lives on the west coast) and was hoping one of her friends plan a joint shower, but one of the friends is too busy with a newborn and her best friend, who lives in Alexandria, is TTC and has gone through multiple IVF cycles and I told my sister NOT to mention anything about a shower to her b/c that would be insensitive. My sister and I really wanted to have a joint shower - we are only a year apart and have always been very close. We were just going to scrap the idea altogether, and have no shower, but then I thought of an idea. I could "host" her shower (not at my apartment - at a restaurant or something) and send out invites. She could "host" mine at the same place and send out invites. We could plan it together and have all of our friends there. Is this tacky??? If so, I will forget the idea. I'm not even big on showers anyway (I didn't even want a wedding shower but my MIL insisted on hosting one for me). I just thought it would be fun to share something like that with my sister since we're having our first babies one month apart. Opinions?? |
Anonymous
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Personally, I probably wouldn't do it, because some people would think it violated the rules of etiquette. But if it were just my circle of totally sane friends, I would have no problem with it. If you hosted a celebration dinner (meaning, you and your sister footed the bill and it was not a gift giving event, just a chance to have dinner and be excited), that would probably be fine.
I'm sure you'll get LOTS of opinions on this. Good luck, and best wishes for your pregancy and your sister's as well! |
Anonymous
| Thanks!! My gut feeling was that the idea was a bad one b/c of etiquette. I was just wondering what other people thought. It's so hard to live so far away from family and friends -- I'm sure if we lived in the same city as our close friends, it wouldn't be an issue, but my sister's husband is in the Army and they move every 2-3 years, and my husband and I just moved to DC, so we just don't have that many friends yet. |
Anonymous
I feel you, and it stinks. Been there. It's lonely sometimes when you're new to the area and have this amazing event to celebrate, but you're too far from your close friends/family to celebrate with them. Just know they are celebrating with you from afar! |
Anonymous
| Yes, unfortunately, that's a no-no. You aren't supposed to throw a shower for your own sister, especially one that is also for you. I'm sure you will have a celebration of some sort, though. Congratulations on your pregnancy! |
Anonymous
| I think it is a lovely idea. Please do it. |
Anonymous
| OP here. Wait a second... it's bad etiquette for me to throw a shower for my own sister?? What if I just threw HER a shower (since several of her good friends live in DC) and none of my friends came? At least, in that situation, she would get to celebrate her first baby (after 2 years TTC) with her friends? I know it's tacky and a HUGE no-no to throw your own shower or ask someone to throw one for you... but it's a no-no for me to throw a shower for my own sister?! |
Anonymous
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11:24 here, who thinks you should do it.
Yes, the formal etiquette position is that family members are not to throw your baby shower. Perhaps it is best if friends live in the area and can do it but I have been to MANY showers where the invitations were by friends in name only. The shower was held at the sister's house or the mother-to-be's house and totally organized by the sister. Could you and your sister do the work but ask a friend to have her name on the invites, even one who lives out of town? If you have to go through some hoops to make the etiquette, fine, but please don't deprive your sister and yourself of this celebration just because of this rule. |
Anonymous
| Honestly, I don't think that I have ever been to a shower that wasn't hosted by a family member. I think that that "etiquette" rule is simply ridiculous. I say that you should throw yourselves a big party and invite whoever you want. You should be able to celebrate this time, and leave the sourpuss "etiquette" followers to cluck themselves into oblivion. |
Anonymous
| could you do one on Saturday and one on Sunday so as not to appear to have thrown yourself a shower? |
Anonymous
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Anonymous
| (Let's assume you're going to put aside the issue of whether a shower hosted by a family member does or does not violate the rules of etiquette.) If your mom is in the picture, or some aunt or other close relative, maybe she could host a joint shower for both you and your sister at an area restaurant? Even if she'd be coming from out of town, the organizing can all be done via email and phone anyway. |
Anonymous
Agree! |
Anonymous
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If you want to throw a celebration, have a luncheon or a tea or a spa day or a dinner party or a girls' night. Then you can throw it for yourself and your sister and all's well.
It's the shower (i.e., presents) parts that you're not supposed to host for yourself or your sister (or your daughter). |
Anonymous
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It is bad taste for family members to throw showers for family members. Too self serving.
"Formal etiquette dictates that a non-relative must throw the shower to avoid having it look as though the family is asking for presents." |