Wedding shower - is this tacky???

[Anonymous]

I'd be excited to go if you and your sister did that!

[Anonymous]

Extremely tacky.

I was in a similar boat being new to the area. Friends hosted a shower in my hometown.

[Anonymous]

OP here - to the PP, I don't have a hometown. My family moved every 2-3 years when I was growing up, and my father died 9 years ago so my mom moved across the country to a state where I've never lived and eventually remarried. My sisters and I are all spread out in different states. We have no home base. It's not as if I have a hometown full of friends from childhood where someone could throw my sister and I a baby shower. I don't. I think my best friends (all spread out in different places) would come to DC for the occasion to celebrate, along with my other sister and my mom, and my pregnant sister and I have several friends in this area who would probably love to celebrate. I don't care about the gifts.

[Anonymous]

Who cares about whats proper? It would never occur to me to even think about these issues ifyou were one of my friends.

If this is really an issue for you, one thing you could do is plan the shower for your sister. Then your sister could tell people that she is going to make the party also a surprise for you. That way, people will know they are celebrating both of your babies but you are not "throwing" your own shower. She could bring out a surpise cake with a congrats to you. I dont really know how it works bc I've never been to a baby shower (I'm jewish and we usually dont have them). But I am sure there is a way for you to share this day with your sister and friends.

I say do whatever makes you happy. Your friends will all probably get a gift for both babies anyway and who doesnt like a party?

[Anonymous]

It's tacky if you call it a shower. If you host a party with your friends, and don't mention the baby part, then it's not. Everyone knows you're having a baby, they will likely give you gifts once the baby shows up anyway. If you really don't care about the gifts, no point in having a "shower". Just have a party, not a shower. If you call it a shower, nobody will believe you don't want gifts.

[Anonymous]

Why is the subject "Wedding Shower" anyway? Aren't we talking about a baby shower??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

If this is really an issue for you, one thing you could do is plan the shower for your sister. Then your sister could tell people that she is going to make the party also a surprise for you. That way, people will know they are celebrating both of your babies but you are not "throwing" your own shower. She could bring out a surpise cake with a congrats to you.

So your advice to OP is to lie to the friends she invites? That seems pretty strange.

[Anonymous]

Ugh. Don't get caught up in the hype. I think your idea is DARLING and so will your friends. I think you should go for it!

[Anonymous]

Do you want the presents or do you just want to celebrate? If you just want to celebrate, don't call it a shower.
If you want the presents, call it a shower and realize that some people will think you're tacky. Decide whether you'd rather be tackiness-proof or presentless.
I admit that I am one of those people who doesn't think people or their families should throw their own showers, to the extent that when a bride-to-be's mother invited me to a lunch for the b-to-b, I didn't bring a shower present. I brought a present, but it was a decidedly un-shower-y book. Oops.

[Anonymous]

I'm curious why families aren't supposed to throw your baby shower but they do throw bridal showers and birthday parties where gifts are given? What makes baby showers different?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm curious why families aren't supposed to throw your baby shower but they do throw bridal showers and birthday parties where gifts are given? What makes baby showers different?

Because some sad old hen with nothing better to do determined in her mind what was "proper" and what wasn't. She then used this as an excuse to judge people and make herself feel superior. Her ideas were written into several "etiquette" guides and clueless young things bought into it for fear of offending their grandmothers.

[Anonymous]

PP - your family's not supposed to host your wedding shower either... same principle applies.

[Anonymous]

"Do you want the presents or do you just want to celebrate? If you just want to celebrate, don't call it a shower.
If you want the presents, call it a shower and realize that some people will think you're tacky. Decide whether you'd rather be tackiness-proof or presentless.
I admit that I am one of those people who doesn't think people or their families should throw their own showers, to the extent that when a bride-to-be's mother invited me to a lunch for the b-to-b, I didn't bring a shower present. I brought a present, but it was a decidedly un-shower-y book. Oops. "

OMG do you have any idea how snotty you behaved and completely opposite from the kindness that etiquette is intended to create?? You sound proud of yourself. If your friend is nice she probably did not even notice your slight and thanked you graciously for bringing a present even though your intent was to tick her off. Its very ironic that some of the people most into etiquette are also the rudest and nastiest.

[Anonymous]

Even emily post's website now says it's perfectly fine for family to host showers these days. So the hard-liners are exactly that. Hard liners. OP, your idea sounds supercute. How about doing it very informally, with an evite instead of formal written invitations, and on the evite say "we are so excited to share our delight with you that we are (gasp) shocking the etiquette police!" Some tongue in cheek nod to the fact that you are charting your own path should preempt the hens. BTW to all of you eagle scouts of etiquette: the point of etiquette is to help us interact with one another without hurting feelings or making somebody feel slighted. The biggest faux pas of all is to lord it over someone else when they make a faux pas. Above all else, etiquette is about being polite to one another. Point maker / stingy giver of a book, trust me, you were the one people were talking about at that shower.

[Anonymous]

When someone asks "is this tacky," people are allowed to respond "yes, it is." Obviously OP had some misgivings or she wouldn't have asked.

I wholeheartedly agree that the purpose of etiquette is to be gracious and to make people feel at ease, so I would never withhold a gift out of spite or tell a hostess or guest of honor that she's done something wrong. Obviously. Never, ever. That would be terrible. That would be much worse than throwing your own baby shower.

But if someone flat-out asks -- even in person, but especially on a message board -- I'm going to say that no, you should not throw a shower for yourself or your wife or your sister or your daughter. The etiquette mavens on here aren't all mean old biddies. I'm just southern and traditional and some things are ingrained, that's all.