DH all of sudden a lot less interested in having sex...what to do?
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Anonymous
| My DH has always enjoyed having sex. Nothing crazy but expressed interest at least several times a week. Was often playful and flirty. For nearly the past year this has changed. Initiates maybe once every two weeks. Not flirty or fun. I find myself having to ask, which is something new. Sometimes he takes me up on my offer but other times he doesn't want to do anything. No other changes in habits, though he no longer gives my nice gifts for birthday or Christmas (used to give jewelry, for my last birthday I got a cookbook and nothing for mother's day). When I jokingly make a comment, he tells me he's just getting old. He is 49 years old. Is this typical for men in their late 40s? |
Anonymous
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Is he depressed? Stressed at work? Issues with money/kids/aging parents?
Also, don’t really want to go there, but have to ask if you suspect an affair. |
Anonymous
Not unless we're now getting it somewhere else. |
Anonymous
| No. How many times did you take him up on his offer when he expressed interest several times a week? My guess is he's given up and you have to some extent withheld sex in the past. You've broken him, like a horse. Congratulations. |
Anonymous
| He's having an affair. |
Anonymous
| There are simply way to many things that can explain a loss of libido ranging from emotional to medical. |
Anonymous
How often did YOU initiate? Are you bored by him? There aren't a lot of possibilties as to why. Take your pick... 1) he's overly stressed (maybe work) to the point where it consumes him 2) he's having an affair 3) he masturbates a lot 4) he does not find you physically attractive anymore, perhaps you let yourself go? (See #2). 5) he's depressed 6) he got tired of you never initiating and couple with some rejections and he's decided to stop trying |
Anonymous
| When the kids were younger I was not as interested but for the last several years have been very open to his offers. Some weeks we both could be busy but then would make up for the next week. I am thin but not toned. I don't think I am that bad (but who knows?) DH is stressed at work but work stress has been an on going steady kind of stress. He might be depressed but I know he will refuse treatment/medication. |
Anonymous
| Define "very open" - why not just ask him directly and say you're calling BS on the getting old excuse... |
Anonymous
| How do you initiate? If it's like my DW, "hey, we should probably have sex tonight" that's not exactly going to get his motor running if something is stressing him to the point that his sex drive has changed. |
Anonymous
Man here. Even if it's true, he doesn't have to accept it. Tell him to get his T levels checked, and if necessary go on TRT. That'll put the lead right back in his pencil. |
Anonymous
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44 year old DH here, my wife could write something similar. Fact is, I have gone from initiating at least a couple times a week, being flirty, fun, showing genuine desire, trying to schedule it....to, well, whatever, if she wants it we can do it, but I am not going to beg for it. Honestly, it's two factors: 1) years and years of rejection, or more accurately, lack of interest on her part. And when I say lack of interest, I mean lack of any imagination, any suggestions, rebuffing my suggestions, through words and actions making it clear sex is something she does mostly for me and to make sure I don't get pouty. 2) My libido has declined some, I used to want sex daily and now am fine with 1-2x a week.
The reality is the lack of sex, whether any of us want it or not, erodes our relationship. It's just cold between us. Only advice is to have a conversation, don't go past, go forward. Assuming you actually want sex with him, show him. If all your missing is the feeling of being desired but you don't want the actual sex part, then don't fool him into thinking he should try and refocus his sexual energy back to you, since he has conditioned himself to direct it inward or elsewhere. |
Anonymous
I’d be okay with that. |
Anonymous
| I'd really assess your situation and consider if your DH is having an affair. Don't let him know you suspect though. |
Anonymous
| So maybe I need to up my game? I just never needed to do anything in the past. He was always interested and seeking sex. I will try some new things and see. Guess I just want to know if it is common for men in their late 40s to be less interested in sex |