DH all of sudden a lot less interested in having sex...what to do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So maybe I need to up my game? I just never needed to do anything in the past. He was always interested and seeking sex. I will try some new things and see. Guess I just want to know if it is common for men in their late 40s to be less interested in sex

No, it's not that common. Every 40+ man I know is still a total horndog.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:44 year old DH here, my wife could write something similar. Fact is, I have gone from initiating at least a couple times a week, being flirty, fun, showing genuine desire, trying to schedule it....to, well, whatever, if she wants it we can do it, but I am not going to beg for it. Honestly, it's two factors: 1) years and years of rejection, or more accurately, lack of interest on her part. And when I say lack of interest, I mean lack of any imagination, any suggestions, rebuffing my suggestions, through words and actions making it clear sex is something she does mostly for me and to make sure I don't get pouty. 2) My libido has declined some, I used to want sex daily and now am fine with 1-2x a week.

The reality is the lack of sex, whether any of us want it or not, erodes our relationship. It's just cold between us.

Only advice is to have a conversation, don't go past, go forward. Assuming you actually want sex with him, show him. If all your missing is the feeling of being desired but you don't want the actual sex part, then don't fool him into thinking he should try and refocus his sexual energy back to you, since he has conditioned himself to direct it inward or elsewhere.

This is exactly my situation

[Anonymous]

My ex- boyfriend from 2007 is married to another woman. He started contacting me again, calls me nearly every day. I suspect his wife rejects him for sex. I live across the country and he begs me to meet him in D.C. when he is here for work or to travel to meet him.

You probably think you're all that and a bag of chips. Your DH is most likely tired of your rejections, and he has chosen to put his energy elsewhere.

You just enjoyed him begging you. That's what you miss. You both got kids out of the deal. Now it's time for you to move on and find a more compatible partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ex- boyfriend from 2007 is married to another woman. He started contacting me again, calls me nearly every day. I suspect his wife rejects him for sex. I live across the country and he begs me to meet him in D.C. when he is here for work or to travel to meet him.

You probably think you're all that and a bag of chips. Your DH is most likely tired of your rejections, and he has chosen to put his energy elsewhere.

You just enjoyed him begging you. That's what you miss. You both got kids out of the deal. Now it's time for you to move on and find a more compatible partner.

Where are you getting that from? None of that has come out in her post. Are you projecting?

[Anonymous]

This is OP. I am not turning my husband down and haven't for many years. When kids were really little I turned him down sometimes but we have never had a sexless marriage. Over the course of this past year he has gone from frequently initiating sex to just occasionally. Now I am asking more than he does and sometimes I am getting rejected. He also is not affectionate in other ways as well. I am just trying to figure out what has caused this change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH has always enjoyed having sex. Nothing crazy but expressed interest at least several times a week. Was often playful and flirty. For nearly the past year this has changed. Initiates maybe once every two weeks. Not flirty or fun. I find myself having to ask, which is something new. Sometimes he takes me up on my offer but other times he doesn't want to do anything. No other changes in habits, though he no longer gives my nice gifts for birthday or Christmas (used to give jewelry, for my last birthday I got a cookbook and nothing for mother's day). When I jokingly make a comment, he tells me he's just getting old. He is 49 years old. Is this typical for men in their late 40s?

How often did YOU initiate? Are you bored by him?

There aren't a lot of possibilties as to why. Take your pick...

1) he's overly stressed (maybe work) to the point where it consumes him
2) he's having an affair
3) he masturbates a lot
4) he does not find you physically attractive anymore, perhaps you let yourself go? (See #2).
5) he's depressed
6) he got tired of you never initiating and couple with some rejections and he's decided to stop trying

7) he's beginning to experience ED issues and is self conscious about it.

[Anonymous]

Some folks are trying hard to explain this away. ED? Maybe. But putting together the facts that he is turning you down for sex and won't share his phone is really really telling.

If you think it is possible that he could be having an affair, and you want to know, you need to start investigating. You should keep this to yourself for the time being, or he will be more cautious.

Try tracking his movements (GPS on the phone, buy a tile or similar device), looking into his email/phone if possible. Put a VAR in his car if warrented. Check the phone bills. See who he is calling & texting.