What should I do? Husband is the bread winner but....

[Anonymous]

My husband is the bread winner and I’m currently applying to graduate schools. He makes a very good living but he is not excessive with his spending.
He gives me 1k a month and I usually do not touch that money as I’m trying to save to pay off my loans.

Currently we are expecting and so I’ve been working around the house and nesting, purging so we make room for baby things inbetween dealing with graduate school deadlines.

He has a lot of money and different assets I have not been pushy about it but I feel like he should give me more spending money.

I can’t buy expensive things without asking him and I’m usually fine with it but there’s a really nice china cabinet I want that costs
$800 but due to saving for the baby he has said “not right now”

I have a credit card to use at my disposal from him so he’s not all cheap but I do not like feeling strained due to finances

He has enough saves to pay our house out right and over 600k in retirement
I don’t like this judaxposition I feel sometimes.

There’s money yet he can be cheap.
Someday I’ll make income but I need to finish graduate school and secure a job but it’s not like I’m not trying to do my part



Help!

[Anonymous]

Awesome story, bro! Bored in English class today?

[Anonymous]

If he gives you $1000 a month and you aren't spending it, then you have $800 for a china cabinet. Not sure what the problem is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband is the bread winner and I’m currently applying to graduate schools. He makes a very good living but he is not excessive with his spending.
He gives me 1k a month and I usually do not touch that money as I’m trying to save to pay off my loans.

Currently we are expecting and so I’ve been working around the house and nesting, purging so we make room for baby things inbetween dealing with graduate school deadlines.

He has a lot of money and different assets I have not been pushy about it but I feel like he should give me more spending money.

I can’t buy expensive things without asking him and I’m usually fine with it but there’s a really nice china cabinet I want that costs
$800 but due to saving for the baby he has said “not right now”

I have a credit card to use at my disposal from him so he’s not all cheap but I do not like feeling strained due to finances

He has enough saves to pay our house out right and over 600k in retirement
I don’t like this judaxposition I feel sometimes.

There’s money yet he can be cheap.
Someday I’ll make income but I need to finish graduate school and secure a job but it’s not like I’m not trying to do my part



Help!

I don’t understand women like you. I’d never sign up to have separate bank accounts and live like I’m a child with an allowance. It’s your fault for agreeing to this to begin with. Best of luck in turning things around.

[Anonymous]

I understand the idea of a monthly "allowance" because it is her discretionary spending money. But OP it has to be in the context of a larger budget discussion. Every dollar that he earns should have a destination. So, make a budget with him. Start easy - start with the fixed costs of the mortgage and the bills. Say he has 10k per month and you guys are spending 3k on the bills. Then 1k is going to retirement. 1k as going to college savings. 1k is the entertainment budget. He needs 2k for discretionary things like his haircuts and gadgets. Then you also get 2k for your discretionary things.

You should both know where the money is going so that you are not eyeing his new Versace jacket while you could not afford your china cabinet.

[Anonymous]

My husband and I have a rule that we don't spend more than $75 on anything without us both agreeing on it, unless it's a gift for the other person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I have a rule that we don't spend more than $75 on anything without us both agreeing on it, unless it's a gift for the other person.

This seems to be an obvious loophole, e.g. "I bought you a new china cabinet!".

[Anonymous]

He sounds more like your parent than your partner.

[Anonymous]

You are not his property. You shouldn't be on an "allowance" unless you have a problem with irresponsible spending. I'm mostly a SAHM even though children are grown. I spend what I like though any purchase of more than, say $1,000, is usually discussed in advance.

[Anonymous]

Who under age 60 wants a china cabinet? Go find one on Craigslist. People can't give those things away these days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are not his property. You shouldn't be on an "allowance" unless you have a problem with irresponsible spending. I'm mostly a SAHM even though children are grown. I spend what I like though any purchase of more than, say $1,000, is usually discussed in advance.

You're not a SAHM if your kids are grown. You're a housewife. Or unemployed.

[Anonymous]

One more who does not get married couples who have "my" money and "your" money. You're married. Start living like it, or you're going to have major problems down the road.

One bank account, both partners have full access, budget decides where the money goes, and purchases over an agreed limit are discussed first.

And personally I would put a china cabinet at the bottom of the list if I was still in grad school and expecting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One more who does not get married couples who have "my" money and "your" money. You're married. Start living like it, or you're going to have major problems down the road.

One bank account, both partners have full access, budget decides where the money goes, and purchases over an agreed limit are discussed first.

And personally I would put a china cabinet at the bottom of the list if I was still in grad school and expecting.

She’s not even in grad school. She’s “applying.” She’s a stay at home wife.

[Anonymous]

Joint credit card.

I am dependent on my husband's visa and not allowed to work (visa work prohibitions vary, this one is strict). It took me years to persuade my husband that it was only fair to have a joint credit card account.

It's mind-boggling that men still think keeping their wives under tight financial control is OK. Not what I initially signed up for!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who under age 60 wants a china cabinet? Go find one on Craigslist. People can't give those things away these days.

Right??? Thousands of them online in DC area for pennies.