What should I do? Husband is the bread winner but....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Joint credit card.

I am dependent on my husband's visa and not allowed to work (visa work prohibitions vary, this one is strict). It took me years to persuade my husband that it was only fair to have a joint credit card account.

It's mind-boggling that men still think keeping their wives under tight financial control is OK. Not what I initially signed up for!

Are you both Indian?

Why do you ask? Is this typical of Indian men? Ugh

DP here. DH and I are both Indians. I think my DH is very much like the typical Indian male in our social class/circle both in the US and in India. He always wanted to be the provider and thus never let me contribute any of my earnings. All my money and assets remain in my name, though everything he has earned is jointly in our name. Maybe it is not equal, but I can live with this kind of inequality.

Really?

[Anonymous]

And this is not like the typical Indian male in the US. Most have evolved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Joint credit card.

I am dependent on my husband's visa and not allowed to work (visa work prohibitions vary, this one is strict). It took me years to persuade my husband that it was only fair to have a joint credit card account.

It's mind-boggling that men still think keeping their wives under tight financial control is OK. Not what I initially signed up for!

Of course it's OK to control how someone else spends your money. I bet if you were the breadwinner, you'd want a say over where every red cent of it goes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And this is not like the typical Indian male in the US. Most have evolved.

Agree.....have some Indian friends and even those who are recent arrivals do not live in this manner. I think OP is unfortunately stuck with a
traditional Indian dude.....treats wife like a kid and a servant! Run..!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I make about the same as my DH and I still can't buy a china cabinet without discussing with him. OP, stop acting like a child stomping around an ATM machine. You are partners, family financial goals should be joint. Who is going to pay for your child's tuition? "Husband will figure it out somehow"? Well, he is figuring it out - but not being a big spender. You need to stop me vs him mentality, it's family, you're not a separate entity that should be free to spend whatever whenever.

Yep, this

[Anonymous]

This is crazy to me. I work from home and my husband makes more then 3 times my salary but we’re still a team. As in, he works more so I do school pick up, pack lunches, make sure our bills get paid, make dinner for the kids. and when he’s not working he picks up the house work too. Marriage is supppsed to be a partnership and my husband always tells me how grateful he is for all the things I do. Just because your husband gets paid more doesn’t mean he’s more deserving of that money. You guys are partners. I could never be disrespected in this way.

[Anonymous]

Odds are GREAT that the OP never goes to or finishes grad school (in which case she sticks the DH with a ton of debt).

[Anonymous]

Oh and OP, your "social class/circle" is full of men like this? Really?

Is your DH an educated professional? The successful well-educated professional Indian men I know tend to be married to professional Indian women who are engineers, doctors, etc.

[Anonymous]

If you cared about being treated equally and buying a china cabinet, then...get a damn job. Not this "applying to grad school" rubbish, but a real job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Joint credit card.

I am dependent on my husband's visa and not allowed to work (visa work prohibitions vary, this one is strict). It took me years to persuade my husband that it was only fair to have a joint credit card account.

It's mind-boggling that men still think keeping their wives under tight financial control is OK. Not what I initially signed up for!

Are you both Indian?

Why do you ask? Is this typical of Indian men? Ugh

DP here. DH and I are both Indians. I think my DH is very much like the typical Indian male in our social class/circle both in the US and in India. He always wanted to be the provider and thus never let me contribute any of my earnings. All my money and assets remain in my name, though everything he has earned is jointly in our name. Maybe it is not equal, but I can live with this kind of inequality.

Really?

Sure. Chivalry is not the same as misogyny. And he has to obviously be is a high earner to not need his wife's earnings. Why is the wife who is upset about the lack of joint credit card in the relationship at all? She is obviously not able to contribute because she cannot work, but what is stopping her from kicking his ass to the curb?

[Anonymous]

Man cannot be the plan, honey. You want financial freedom then you need to have your own money. It can be earned, inherited, won, found...and once you have your money, you have to control it and make it grow.

I don't care if you are WOHM or SAHM or sold your kidney for the money, if you don't have and control your own money you are putting yourself and your children in jeopardy.

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand women like you. I’d never sign up to have separate bank accounts and live like I’m a child with an allowance. It’s your fault for agreeing to this to begin with. Best of luck in turning things around

+1. I have SAH for 28 years. My DH is the earner. He has no idea what I spend nor does he care. I've always managed the money. If anything, he asks me for spending money. Everything we have is joint. You are out of your mind for agreeing to that arrangement, OP.

[Anonymous]

I don't et the outrage at having a set amount in the budget for fun money for each person. 1k a month seems more than reasonable. OP is an adult with no job, no kids and no financial responsibilities. A marriage entitle you to unlimited spending and the breadwinner still gets a day in how money is spent. All her needs are already met as she has been putting her fun money aside.

I am team husband. Unlimited spending by a bored spouse sitting at home would make me furious too. And for the wome here who are breadwinners I doubt many of you have husbands who sit at home complaining that 1k isn't enough fun money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is crazy to me. I work from home and my husband makes more then 3 times my salary but we’re still a team. As in, he works more so I do school pick up, pack lunches, make sure our bills get paid, make dinner for the kids. and when he’s not working he picks up the house work too. Marriage is supppsed to be a partnership and my husband always tells me how grateful he is for all the things I do. Just because your husband gets paid more doesn’t mean he’s more deserving of that money. You guys are partners. I could never be disrespected in this way.

[b]


seriously? disrespected?? because he thinks that the stupid china cabinet for $800 is not a priority when you are expecting a child on 1 income and upcoming grad school loans? are you serious? you need to reevaluate your priorities. also, the OP does not work, and is not expected to work any time soon, but will incur huge college loans... on top of some existing loans apparently.

[Anonymous]

"He gives me..."

Cringe, can't read any further.