What should I do? Husband is the bread winner but....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Awesome story, bro! Bored in English class today?

Not paying attention in english class, that's for sure.

[Anonymous]

It's really easy to spend money someone else is earnomg. When you get a job you will likely feel the way your husband does. 1k a month is a lot of money for a housewife. You dont have to take care of a kid just yet. Use that money to buy your cabinet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's really easy to spend money someone else is earnomg. When you get a job you will likely feel the way your husband does. 1k a month is a lot of money for a housewife. You dont have to take care of a kid just yet. Use that money to buy your cabinet.

+1. $1K per month is a lot of fun money. It's just semantics whether you call it an allowance or the budgeted amount for random stuff you want to buy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Joint credit card.

I am dependent on my husband's visa and not allowed to work (visa work prohibitions vary, this one is strict). It took me years to persuade my husband that it was only fair to have a joint credit card account.

It's mind-boggling that men still think keeping their wives under tight financial control is OK. Not what I initially signed up for!

Are you both Indian?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One more who does not get married couples who have "my" money and "your" money. You're married. Start living like it, or you're going to have major problems down the road.

One bank account, both partners have full access, budget decides where the money goes, and purchases over an agreed limit are discussed first.

And personally I would put a china cabinet at the bottom of the list if I was still in grad school and expecting.

She’s not even in grad school. She’s “applying.” She’s a stay at home wife.

Who applies to grad school while expecting their first child?

[Anonymous]

I'd warn you to figure out if this is going to be the way it is with him, regardless of the income you make. Is it the situation, or is it him?

My husband has been equally frugal when I've made 150K and when I was a SAHM for a few years. He just doesn't like spending money. Like yours, our house is almost paid off (700K), and he has 500K in his retirement alone (another 400 in mine). He makes about 250K so while very good nothing like some of the folks on this board. Our assets are over 2 million yet just this morning he told me not to order the kids school pictures, just the class pics because the school pics are such a rip-off, and asked me how i'd let the kids ipad case rip (it was bought in 2010).

Please figure it out if its the situation or if its him. Otherwise you will be in my hell.

[Anonymous]

I make about the same as my DH and I still can't buy a china cabinet without discussing with him. OP, stop acting like a child stomping around an ATM machine. You are partners, family financial goals should be joint. Who is going to pay for your child's tuition? "Husband will figure it out somehow"? Well, he is figuring it out - but not being a big spender. You need to stop me vs him mentality, it's family, you're not a separate entity that should be free to spend whatever whenever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is the bread winner and I’m currently applying to graduate schools. He makes a very good living but he is not excessive with his spending.
He gives me 1k a month and I usually do not touch that money as I’m trying to save to pay off my loans.

Currently we are expecting and so I’ve been working around the house and nesting, purging so we make room for baby things inbetween dealing with graduate school deadlines.

He has a lot of money and different assets I have not been pushy about it but I feel like he should give me more spending money.

I can’t buy expensive things without asking him and I’m usually fine with it but there’s a really nice china cabinet I want that costs
$800 but due to saving for the baby he has said “not right now”

I have a credit card to use at my disposal from him so he’s not all cheap but I do not like feeling strained due to finances

He has enough saves to pay our house out right and over 600k in retirement
I don’t like this judaxposition I feel sometimes.

There’s money yet he can be cheap.
Someday I’ll make income but I need to finish graduate school and secure a job but it’s not like I’m not trying to do my part



Help!

I don’t understand women like you. I’d never sign up to have separate bank accounts and live like I’m a child with an allowance. It’s your fault for agreeing to this to begin with. Best of luck in turning things around.

Maybe she's being treated like a child with an allowance because otherwise she'd buy the china cabinet. And the china. And the baby gear ("But our baby deserves the best items! New items! Expensive items!"). And grad school tuition while unemployed.

I'd like to hear her husband's POV before choosing a side here.

As for the title of the thread, my answer is "Suck it up buttercup." If you had been asking for a microwave or a car so you're not stuck in the house all day or anything that could be considered essential, I might have had sympathy. But a china cabinet?

[Anonymous]

I can't imagine the need for an allowance unless a person is financially irresponsible and needs spending help and discipline. Sit with your husband and tell him that you are responsible and show him over a period of a few months. Spending $800 on a china cabinet will not help your cause.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband is the bread winner and I’m currently applying to graduate schools. He makes a very good living but he is not excessive with his spending.
He gives me 1k a month and I usually do not touch that money as I’m trying to save to pay off my loans.

Currently we are expecting and so I’ve been working around the house and nesting, purging so we make room for baby things inbetween dealing with graduate school deadlines.

He has a lot of money and different assets I have not been pushy about it but I feel like he should give me more spending money.

I can’t buy expensive things without asking him and I’m usually fine with it but there’s a really nice china cabinet I want that costs
$800 but due to saving for the baby he has said “not right now”

I have a credit card to use at my disposal from him so he’s not all cheap but I do not like feeling strained due to finances

He has enough saves to pay our house out right and over 600k in retirement
I don’t like this judaxposition I feel sometimes.

There’s money yet he can be cheap.
Someday I’ll make income but I need to finish graduate school and secure a job but it’s not like I’m not trying to do my part



Help!

I'm most curious about these loans. Are they not joint loans? Why do you have to use your monthly allowance for loans?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Joint credit card.

I am dependent on my husband's visa and not allowed to work (visa work prohibitions vary, this one is strict). It took me years to persuade my husband that it was only fair to have a joint credit card account.

It's mind-boggling that men still think keeping their wives under tight financial control is OK. Not what I initially signed up for!

Are you both Indian?

Why do you ask? Is this typical of Indian men? Ugh

[Anonymous]

Get a job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is the bread winner and I’m currently applying to graduate schools. He makes a very good living but he is not excessive with his spending.
He gives me 1k a month and I usually do not touch that money as I’m trying to save to pay off my loans.

Currently we are expecting and so I’ve been working around the house and nesting, purging so we make room for baby things inbetween dealing with graduate school deadlines.

He has a lot of money and different assets I have not been pushy about it but I feel like he should give me more spending money.

I can’t buy expensive things without asking him and I’m usually fine with it but there’s a really nice china cabinet I want that costs
$800 but due to saving for the baby he has said “not right now”

I have a credit card to use at my disposal from him so he’s not all cheap but I do not like feeling strained due to finances

He has enough saves to pay our house out right and over 600k in retirement
I don’t like this judaxposition I feel sometimes.

There’s money yet he can be cheap.
Someday I’ll make income but I need to finish graduate school and secure a job but it’s not like I’m not trying to do my part



Help!

I don’t understand women like you. I’d never sign up to have separate bank accounts and live like I’m a child with an allowance. It’s your fault for agreeing to this to begin with. Best of luck in turning things around.

Maybe she's being treated like a child with an allowance because otherwise she'd buy the china cabinet. And the china. And the baby gear ("But our baby deserves the best items! New items! Expensive items!"). And grad school tuition while unemployed.

I'd like to hear her husband's POV before choosing a side here.

As for the title of the thread, my answer is "Suck it up buttercup." If you had been asking for a microwave or a car so you're not stuck in the house all day or anything that could be considered essential, I might have had sympathy. But a china cabinet?

This. Also, LOANS? And no job, and a baby and more schooling? This has to be a troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Joint credit card.

I am dependent on my husband's visa and not allowed to work (visa work prohibitions vary, this one is strict). It took me years to persuade my husband that it was only fair to have a joint credit card account.

It's mind-boggling that men still think keeping their wives under tight financial control is OK. Not what I initially signed up for!

Are you both Indian?

Why do you ask? Is this typical of Indian men? Ugh

DP here. DH and I are both Indians. I think my DH is very much like the typical Indian male in our social class/circle both in the US and in India. He always wanted to be the provider and thus never let me contribute any of my earnings. All my money and assets remain in my name, though everything he has earned is jointly in our name. Maybe it is not equal, but I can live with this kind of inequality.

[Anonymous]

Christ.

Arranged marriage?

And he's never going to let you work. Not sure I even see the point of grad school as you seem content being a kept woman. And nice delusions that you'll pull school off with a baby anyway.