Feeling like my parents don't care about my marriage

[Anonymous]

DW and I have been married for a year, and together for five. My parents (more specifically, my mom) have always been a point of contention in our relationship. Part of the reason for this tension is that my mom is the kind of person who just says whatever is on her mind with no concern for how it is interpreted by anyone else, the other part is that my wife is very sensitive.

In the past few months, I've really felt that my parents don't care about my marriage as much as I would like them to. There have been alot of little things that occured that made me feel this way, mostly relating to my younger brothers wedding. The big event that really stuck out to me though, was when we bought a house. When we officially got word that our offer was accepted, I called my parents. My mom wasn't home, but my dad was, and we told him the good news, and he was happy for us. However, I never heard anything from my mom wishing us well us on getting the house. This really stuck out to me, so much so that I actually talked to my mom about it a few weeks after it happened. This talk with her went okay; it started out a bit rough with her saying that I'm being too sensitive about the situation, but ended with her saying that she'd put more effort into things. To that end, things improved a little bit; she started asking more questions about house stuff and our lives, and seemed to be taking an interest.

However, things took a turn for the worse recently. We were in Europe to celebrate our first anniversary, which my parents were well aware of, and had our itinerary for the trip. On the day of our anniversary, there was no acknowledgment from either of them about our anniversary. This upset me for a few reasons: 1) it seemed like a low hanging fruit for my parents to say something, given that I had voiced a few weeks earlier about me feeling like they didn't care about me or my marriage. 2) Birthdays, anniversaries, etc are a big deal in my family. my parents always at the least call us, and send a little gift for our birthdays, and in turn, we always do something for the anniversary, so for them to not return the favor for me really stung. 3) I had been texting with them throughout the time while we were in Europe, so they knew they could get in touch with us.

I didn't say anything to them the rest of the trip, mostly because I was enjoying being on vacation with my wife, and didn't want to focus on the negative. We returned home yesterday to find a gift from my parents. I thought "great, maybe this is their acknowledgement of our anniversary!" They wrote us a small card, and since it was our paper anniversary, they gave us ... a TIME magazine about the Science of Marriage. (By comparison, my IL's gave us a nice map of the world where we can color in the states and countries we have traveled to).

Anyways, I really don't know how to move forward from this. I'm at the point where I'm not even really mad at my parents, I'm more just sad and disappointed. Truthfully, I'm rooting for my parents to turn it around, and be the loving, caring parents I grew up with, but by pulling stuff like not acknowledging our anniversary, they make it harder for me to try to let them back in. Am I wrong in being hurt by this? What should I be doing next?

[Anonymous]

You are way overreacting. I feel sorry for your parents....your expectations are bizarre and out of touch.

[Anonymous]

Just...what?

My parents say Happy Anniversary if we happen to speak that day; my in laws would, too. But we don’t get—or expect—gifts or cards.

A married couple celebrates their anniversary. No one else needs to throw them a freaking parade.

You sound pretty entitled and attention-seeking. Grow up and stop being so needy. Beyond being civil and cordial to your wife, your parents owe your marriage exactly no special attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just...what?

My parents say Happy Anniversary if we happen to speak that day; my in laws would, too. But we don’t get—or expect—gifts or cards.

A married couple celebrates their anniversary. No one else needs to throw them a freaking parade.

You sound pretty entitled and attention-seeking. Grow up and stop being so needy. Beyond being civil and cordial to your wife, your parents owe your marriage exactly no special attention.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Holy cow - stop including your parents in so much of your married life , it’s inappropriate. Your anniversary is for you and your wife to celebrate. Your parents are not part of your anniversary celebration. Or your house purchase or most anything else. Sure, socialize some with your parents but get them ‘out of your marital relationship’. You need some serious counseling to set some limits and boundaries in your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just...what?

My parents say Happy Anniversary if we happen to speak that day; my in laws would, too. But we don’t get—or expect—gifts or cards.

A married couple celebrates their anniversary. No one else needs to throw them a freaking parade.

You sound pretty entitled and attention-seeking. Grow up and stop being so needy. Beyond being civil and cordial to your wife, your parents owe your marriage exactly no special attention.

+1.

+2, the only person who needs to acknowledge your anniversary is your spouse.

[Anonymous]

You sound absolutely exhausting and immature. They acknowledged your anniversary but you didn’t like how they acknowledged it. I honestly expect better behavior from my 11 year old.

[Anonymous]

Anniversaries are for the couple. It is not unusual or out of bounds for your parents to not wish you a happy anniversary, and you should not expect a gift or card or anything else on that date. Your expectations are completely unreasonable here. Your mother's response on the phone indicates to me that these type of inappropriate expectations about attention aren't unusual for you. Focus on your husband and enjoy your marriage and please try to release these feelings towards your parents - they aren't healthy.

[Anonymous]

You parents though you became an adult.

[Anonymous]

08:14 again. Also, it's completely different for children - I absolutely DO call to wish my parents a happy anniversary. Because I am the result of that union. It's a different situation. I don't send cards or gifts though, nor would I expect that from them for my anniversary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just...what?

My parents say Happy Anniversary if we happen to speak that day; my in laws would, too. But we don’t get—or expect—gifts or cards.

A married couple celebrates their anniversary. No one else needs to throw them a freaking parade.

You sound pretty entitled and attention-seeking. Grow up and stop being so needy. Beyond being civil and cordial to your wife, your parents owe your marriage exactly no special attention.

+1.

+2, the only person who needs to acknowledge your anniversary is your spouse.

+3 Wow. Get over yourself.

[Anonymous]

OP are you a man or woman?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just...what?

My parents say Happy Anniversary if we happen to speak that day; my in laws would, too. But we don’t get—or expect—gifts or cards.

A married couple celebrates their anniversary. No one else needs to throw them a freaking parade.

You sound pretty entitled and attention-seeking. Grow up and stop being so needy. Beyond being civil and cordial to your wife, your parents owe your marriage exactly no special attention.

+1.

+2, the only person who needs to acknowledge your anniversary is your spouse.

+3 Wow. Get over yourself.

+4. I would also encourage you to keep a watch for your mother saying "whatever comes into her mind" about your DW. That is your job.

[Anonymous]

Set your expectations lower. Aim to be respected, not celebrated.

[Anonymous]

My in laws always send a card and a small gift for our anniversary and I find it a little off and even uncomfortable. To me, the only people who should be celebrating an anniversary are the two people in the couple.