Feeling like my parents don't care about my marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DW and I have been married for a year, and together for five. My parents (more specifically, my mom) have always been a point of contention in our relationship. Part of the reason for this tension is that my mom is the kind of person who just says whatever is on her mind with no concern for how it is interpreted by anyone else, the other part is that my wife is very sensitive.

In the past few months, I've really felt that my parents don't care about my marriage as much as I would like them to. There have been alot of little things that occured that made me feel this way, mostly relating to my younger brothers wedding. The big event that really stuck out to me though, was when we bought a house. When we officially got word that our offer was accepted, I called my parents. My mom wasn't home, but my dad was, and we told him the good news, and he was happy for us. However, I never heard anything from my mom wishing us well us on getting the house. This really stuck out to me, so much so that I actually talked to my mom about it a few weeks after it happened. This talk with her went okay; it started out a bit rough with her saying that I'm being too sensitive about the situation, but ended with her saying that she'd put more effort into things. To that end, things improved a little bit; she started asking more questions about house stuff and our lives, and seemed to be taking an interest.

However, things took a turn for the worse recently. We were in Europe to celebrate our first anniversary, which my parents were well aware of, and had our itinerary for the trip. On the day of our anniversary, there was no acknowledgment from either of them about our anniversary. This upset me for a few reasons: 1) it seemed like a low hanging fruit for my parents to say something, given that I had voiced a few weeks earlier about me feeling like they didn't care about me or my marriage. 2) Birthdays, anniversaries, etc are a big deal in my family. my parents always at the least call us, and send a little gift for our birthdays, and in turn, we always do something for the anniversary, so for them to not return the favor for me really stung. 3) I had been texting with them throughout the time while we were in Europe, so they knew they could get in touch with us.

I didn't say anything to them the rest of the trip, mostly because I was enjoying being on vacation with my wife, and didn't want to focus on the negative. We returned home yesterday to find a gift from my parents. I thought "great, maybe this is their acknowledgement of our anniversary!" They wrote us a small card, and since it was our paper anniversary, they gave us ... a TIME magazine about the Science of Marriage. (By comparison, my IL's gave us a nice map of the world where we can color in the states and countries we have traveled to).

Anyways, I really don't know how to move forward from this. I'm at the point where I'm not even really mad at my parents, I'm more just sad and disappointed. Truthfully, I'm rooting for my parents to turn it around, and be the loving, caring parents I grew up with, but by pulling stuff like not acknowledging our anniversary, they make it harder for me to try to let them back in. Am I wrong in being hurt by this? What should I be doing next?

You are too sensitive. Men have to suppress feelings. If you were a women, all the poster would hold your hand and tell you you have been wronged. It’s a woman privilege thing. So as a men you have to ignore stuff like this. The best thing to do is to limit your contract with your family(specially your mother). Just stop expecting them to care about your emotions. For most males there is a time in your life when your family tells you you are a man now and it time for you to become self-sufficient(both emotionally and financially). This usually happen in your late teens. Your parents have let you down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound absolutely exhausting and immature. They acknowledged your anniversary but you didn’t like how they acknowledged it. I honestly expect better behavior from my 11 year old.

+1

[Anonymous]

Is this a wife pretending to be a DH? If not a troll, you are acting like a little whiny kid.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are just weird. Stop being so self-centered. You've grown up, gotten married, travel the world. How about asking what is going on in your parents' lives? What new interests, hobbies, responsibilities, health issues, worries, etc do they have?

I cannot even believe this is a real post.

[Anonymous]

Man up, bro! This is the lamest post I've ever read.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My in laws always send a card and a small gift for our anniversary and I find it a little off and even uncomfortable. To me, the only people who should be celebrating an anniversary are the two people in the couple.

I agree. I don't get expecting other people to acknowledge an anniversary.

You were already taking a big trip to celebrate just a one year anniversary. One year is nice, but it is only a beginning. My neighbors, who are very nice, simple people just celebrated their 35th anniversary by going out to dinner. Thirty five years is a much bigger accomplishment than one, yet this couple felt no need to make a big deal and call attention to themselves. Maybe that's part of the reason they have had such a successful marriage.

[Anonymous]

Cut them out of your life. They’re obviously terrible people!

My parents probably don’t even know when our anniversary is...why should they?! Your expectations are completely outrageous. Grow up and focus on your marriage.

[Anonymous]

DH’s grandmother always sends us a card for our anniversary. It’s very sweet but no one else has ever been aware or acknowledged it. When it arrives each year I’m always surprised.

Half the time DH or I forget our own anniversary, haha.

[Anonymous]

Doesn’t matter whether you are a man or woman: you have a lot of growing up to do. Everything just isn’t all about you.

[Anonymous]

I can't believe you are all being so hard on the OP. He's disappointed in his parents--I would be too if this was a deviation from how they celebrate all other milestones.

I don't have much advice, except to keep building your life with your wife, and hope that things eventually smooth out with your family.

[Anonymous]

Trying to give OP the benefit of the doubt here:

Do your parents ask about DW when you talk to them? Do they include her in conversations and family events? Are they critical of her?

It could be you chose a bad example to illustrate your point. The examples you chose don’t strike me as showing anything worrisome or unkind on the part of your parents, but if your family generally is not warm, welcoming, and interested in your DW, then you might have a point.

[Anonymous]

A woman wrote this. If I raised a son like you I would be terribly disappointed.

[Anonymous]

Whoever the OP is sounds very very needy. The thing that sticks out for me the most is that the OP needs therapy to separate him/herself from the parents. OP, The amount of validation about your life that you serm to need from your parents is excessive and odd to say the least. You’re married now. You don’t need mommy and daddy to validate you. You basically need to grow up.

[Anonymous]

Where is OP???

[Anonymous]

Therapy.

You are feeling what you are feeling. However, you need to deal with it too. So - Therapy.