Feeling like my parents don't care about my marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What if op’s parents reacted poorly when OP came out? Perhaps they were the types to assume it was a phase she would outgrow. Now that OP is married to a woman, she is still sensitive to their initial response and looking for slights.

Pretty sure she would have mentioned that in her million word opus, if that was the case.

[Anonymous]

Anniversaries are for the couple. My parents and ILs have never given/said anything. I think we may have gotten a happy anniversary text once from DH’s sister. I think you should adjust your expectations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DW and I have been married for a year, and together for five. My parents (more specifically, my mom) have always been a point of contention in our relationship. Part of the reason for this tension is that my mom is the kind of person who just says whatever is on her mind with no concern for how it is interpreted by anyone else, the other part is that my wife is very sensitive.

In the past few months, I've really felt that my parents don't care about my marriage as much as I would like them to. There have been alot of little things that occured that made me feel this way, mostly relating to my younger brothers wedding. The big event that really stuck out to me though, was when we bought a house. When we officially got word that our offer was accepted, I called my parents. My mom wasn't home, but my dad was, and we told him the good news, and he was happy for us. However, I never heard anything from my mom wishing us well us on getting the house. This really stuck out to me, so much so that I actually talked to my mom about it a few weeks after it happened. This talk with her went okay; it started out a bit rough with her saying that I'm being too sensitive about the situation, but ended with her saying that she'd put more effort into things. To that end, things improved a little bit; she started asking more questions about house stuff and our lives, and seemed to be taking an interest.

However, things took a turn for the worse recently. We were in Europe to celebrate our first anniversary, which my parents were well aware of, and had our itinerary for the trip. On the day of our anniversary, there was no acknowledgment from either of them about our anniversary. This upset me for a few reasons: 1) it seemed like a low hanging fruit for my parents to say something, given that I had voiced a few weeks earlier about me feeling like they didn't care about me or my marriage. 2) Birthdays, anniversaries, etc are a big deal in my family. my parents always at the least call us, and send a little gift for our birthdays, and in turn, we always do something for the anniversary, so for them to not return the favor for me really stung. 3) I had been texting with them throughout the time while we were in Europe, so they knew they could get in touch with us.

I didn't say anything to them the rest of the trip, mostly because I was enjoying being on vacation with my wife, and didn't want to focus on the negative. We returned home yesterday to find a gift from my parents. I thought "great, maybe this is their acknowledgement of our anniversary!" They wrote us a small card, and since it was our paper anniversary, they gave us ... a TIME magazine about the Science of Marriage. (By comparison, my IL's gave us a nice map of the world where we can color in the states and countries we have traveled to).

Anyways, I really don't know how to move forward from this. I'm at the point where I'm not even really mad at my parents, I'm more just sad and disappointed. Truthfully, I'm rooting for my parents to turn it around, and be the loving, caring parents I grew up with, but by pulling stuff like not acknowledging our anniversary, they make it harder for me to try to let them back in. Am I wrong in being hurt by this? What should I be doing next?

No.way.are.you.a.man. nope nope nope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DW and I have been married for a year, and together for five. My parents (more specifically, my mom) have always been a point of contention in our relationship. Part of the reason for this tension is that my mom is the kind of person who just says whatever is on her mind with no concern for how it is interpreted by anyone else, the other part is that my wife is very sensitive.

In the past few months, I've really felt that my parents don't care about my marriage as much as I would like them to. There have been alot of little things that occured that made me feel this way, mostly relating to my younger brothers wedding. The big event that really stuck out to me though, was when we bought a house. When we officially got word that our offer was accepted, I called my parents. My mom wasn't home, but my dad was, and we told him the good news, and he was happy for us. However, I never heard anything from my mom wishing us well us on getting the house. This really stuck out to me, so much so that I actually talked to my mom about it a few weeks after it happened. This talk with her went okay; it started out a bit rough with her saying that I'm being too sensitive about the situation, but ended with her saying that she'd put more effort into things. To that end, things improved a little bit; she started asking more questions about house stuff and our lives, and seemed to be taking an interest.

However, things took a turn for the worse recently. We were in Europe to celebrate our first anniversary, which my parents were well aware of, and had our itinerary for the trip. On the day of our anniversary, there was no acknowledgment from either of them about our anniversary. This upset me for a few reasons: 1) it seemed like a low hanging fruit for my parents to say something, given that I had voiced a few weeks earlier about me feeling like they didn't care about me or my marriage. 2) Birthdays, anniversaries, etc are a big deal in my family. my parents always at the least call us, and send a little gift for our birthdays, and in turn, we always do something for the anniversary, so for them to not return the favor for me really stung. 3) I had been texting with them throughout the time while we were in Europe, so they knew they could get in touch with us.

I didn't say anything to them the rest of the trip, mostly because I was enjoying being on vacation with my wife, and didn't want to focus on the negative. We returned home yesterday to find a gift from my parents. I thought "great, maybe this is their acknowledgement of our anniversary!" They wrote us a small card, and since it was our paper anniversary, they gave us ... a TIME magazine about the Science of Marriage. (By comparison, my IL's gave us a nice map of the world where we can color in the states and countries we have traveled to).

Anyways, I really don't know how to move forward from this. I'm at the point where I'm not even really mad at my parents, I'm more just sad and disappointed. Truthfully, I'm rooting for my parents to turn it around, and be the loving, caring parents I grew up with, but by pulling stuff like not acknowledging our anniversary, they make it harder for me to try to let them back in. Am I wrong in being hurt by this? What should I be doing next?

No.way.are.you.a.man. nope nope nope.

She never said she was a man and not married to another woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DW and I have been married for a year, and together for five. My parents (more specifically, my mom) have always been a point of contention in our relationship. Part of the reason for this tension is that my mom is the kind of person who just says whatever is on her mind with no concern for how it is interpreted by anyone else, the other part is that my wife is very sensitive.

In the past few months, I've really felt that my parents don't care about my marriage as much as I would like them to. There have been alot of little things that occured that made me feel this way, mostly relating to my younger brothers wedding. The big event that really stuck out to me though, was when we bought a house. When we officially got word that our offer was accepted, I called my parents. My mom wasn't home, but my dad was, and we told him the good news, and he was happy for us. However, I never heard anything from my mom wishing us well us on getting the house. This really stuck out to me, so much so that I actually talked to my mom about it a few weeks after it happened. This talk with her went okay; it started out a bit rough with her saying that I'm being too sensitive about the situation, but ended with her saying that she'd put more effort into things. To that end, things improved a little bit; she started asking more questions about house stuff and our lives, and seemed to be taking an interest.

However, things took a turn for the worse recently. We were in Europe to celebrate our first anniversary, which my parents were well aware of, and had our itinerary for the trip. On the day of our anniversary, there was no acknowledgment from either of them about our anniversary. This upset me for a few reasons: 1) it seemed like a low hanging fruit for my parents to say something, given that I had voiced a few weeks earlier about me feeling like they didn't care about me or my marriage. 2) Birthdays, anniversaries, etc are a big deal in my family. my parents always at the least call us, and send a little gift for our birthdays, and in turn, we always do something for the anniversary, so for them to not return the favor for me really stung. 3) I had been texting with them throughout the time while we were in Europe, so they knew they could get in touch with us.

I didn't say anything to them the rest of the trip, mostly because I was enjoying being on vacation with my wife, and didn't want to focus on the negative. We returned home yesterday to find a gift from my parents. I thought "great, maybe this is their acknowledgement of our anniversary!" They wrote us a small card, and since it was our paper anniversary, they gave us ... a TIME magazine about the Science of Marriage. (By comparison, my IL's gave us a nice map of the world where we can color in the states and countries we have traveled to).

Anyways, I really don't know how to move forward from this. I'm at the point where I'm not even really mad at my parents, I'm more just sad and disappointed. Truthfully, I'm rooting for my parents to turn it around, and be the loving, caring parents I grew up with, but by pulling stuff like not acknowledging our anniversary, they make it harder for me to try to let them back in. Am I wrong in being hurt by this? What should I be doing next?

No.way.are.you.a.man. nope nope nope.

+1000. Waaaaaaaay to sensitive...darn...and I'm a woman...

[Anonymous]

We had parties for my parents 25 and 50th anniversaries.

This year I sent a text. Some years I forget.

That is a normal amount of attention.

OP is cray.

[Anonymous]

I’ll be the dissenting opinion. As OP said, birthdays and ampnniversaries are big in their family. It doesn’t matter if everyone else on DCUM doesn’t care about them - in OP’s family, they are a big deal. Given that, the fact that (presumably) only OP’s big news events are ignored is a departure from their norm, and therefore a reason to feel disappointment. OP, you’ve already talked to your mom. There isnt much else you can do but pull back and focus on your own new family. Maybe they will come around. But it does sound like they have some issue with your wife/relationship. If they acknowledge your sibling’s news and not yours, it’s a bit passive aggressive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DW and I have been married for a year, and together for five. My parents (more specifically, my mom) have always been a point of contention in our relationship. Part of the reason for this tension is that my mom is the kind of person who just says whatever is on her mind with no concern for how it is interpreted by anyone else, the other part is that my wife is very sensitive.

In the past few months, I've really felt that my parents don't care about my marriage as much as I would like them to. There have been alot of little things that occured that made me feel this way, mostly relating to my younger brothers wedding. The big event that really stuck out to me though, was when we bought a house. When we officially got word that our offer was accepted, I called my parents. My mom wasn't home, but my dad was, and we told him the good news, and he was happy for us. However, I never heard anything from my mom wishing us well us on getting the house. This really stuck out to me, so much so that I actually talked to my mom about it a few weeks after it happened. This talk with her went okay; it started out a bit rough with her saying that I'm being too sensitive about the situation, but ended with her saying that she'd put more effort into things. To that end, things improved a little bit; she started asking more questions about house stuff and our lives, and seemed to be taking an interest.

However, things took a turn for the worse recently. We were in Europe to celebrate our first anniversary, which my parents were well aware of, and had our itinerary for the trip. On the day of our anniversary, there was no acknowledgment from either of them about our anniversary. This upset me for a few reasons: 1) it seemed like a low hanging fruit for my parents to say something, given that I had voiced a few weeks earlier about me feeling like they didn't care about me or my marriage. 2) Birthdays, anniversaries, etc are a big deal in my family. my parents always at the least call us, and send a little gift for our birthdays, and in turn, we always do something for the anniversary, so for them to not return the favor for me really stung. 3) I had been texting with them throughout the time while we were in Europe, so they knew they could get in touch with us.

I didn't say anything to them the rest of the trip, mostly because I was enjoying being on vacation with my wife, and didn't want to focus on the negative. We returned home yesterday to find a gift from my parents. I thought "great, maybe this is their acknowledgement of our anniversary!" They wrote us a small card, and since it was our paper anniversary, they gave us ... a TIME magazine about the Science of Marriage. (By comparison, my IL's gave us a nice map of the world where we can color in the states and countries we have traveled to).

Anyways, I really don't know how to move forward from this. I'm at the point where I'm not even really mad at my parents, I'm more just sad and disappointed. Truthfully, I'm rooting for my parents to turn it around, and be the loving, caring parents I grew up with, but by pulling stuff like not acknowledging our anniversary, they make it harder for me to try to let them back in. Am I wrong in being hurt by this? What should I be doing next?

No.way.are.you.a.man. nope nope nope.

She never said she was a man and not married to another woman.

"She" never said "she" was a "she". You all are just thinking the same thing I am. No. Way.in. hell.is.this.a.man.

[Anonymous]

Your parents sound normal, you are the one (or maybe your wife is feeding this to you) that sounds abnormal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What if op’s parents reacted poorly when OP came out? Perhaps they were the types to assume it was a phase she would outgrow. Now that OP is married to a woman, she is still sensitive to their initial response and looking for slights.

Pretty sure she would have mentioned that in her million word opus, if that was the case.

OP wanted us to feel like bigots for assuming she was a male. FAIL

[Anonymous]

You sound greedy. You wanted your parents to acknowledge your anniversary, WHICH THEY DID, but their card was "small" and their gift inadequate. Grow up.