Parents of small children - how are you managing RTO?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I am a bit older so I did not have the hybrid or work from home option when my kids were young I had my kids in a daycare that was located at my office so a bit more expensive, but I did drop off and pick up. On sick days, my husband and I would take turns who would stay home and take care of the child or sometimes we would do half days I would work in the morning and he would go to the office and then he would come home at lunch and I would go into the office.

We did not make enough money for me to quit my job. And the daycare craziness was only for five years as I have two kids that are back to back.

Once they were in elementary school, we used the schools after care program. In the summers, I would coordinate summer camps with the parents of my kids friends so that we could take turns with drop off and pick up.

Millennials refuse to talk to and coordinate with other parents. There is a marked difference in this between how the parents of my 6th grader behave (and behaved 5 years ago) and the parents of my 1st grader behave.

I'm confused. The parents of sixth and first graders are both generally millennials.

I have a 6th grader and a 2nd grader and I’m (barely) genX. I see no difference between my older and younger children’s parents in terms of carpools and coordination. Where I see a marked difference is between parents whose 2nd grader is their oldest vs middle/youngest.

I was much quicker to instigate car pools and drop off activities for my younger child. Because of WFH, a lot of parents got used to being home at 4:30 or staying to watch practices. We no longer have that luxury. Parents who didn’t have school age kids pre-pandemic will get on board by fall.

Maybe this is what it is, maybe it's related to the pandemic, but parents of my younger child's kids have zero interest in carpooling, definitely don't do as many playdates as my older kid, etc.

Play dates are usually you demanding free child care. And carpools are the one family family doing all the driving. I’ll help out on occasion but not on a regular basis. I got burned too many times where play dates became too frequent as with carpools with no help when I needed it and I wanted time with my kids to do things after like dinner and not have to constantly pay for an extra kid or two.

You seem to have crappy friends. We carpooled 50-50 for 4 years with the same family. And playdates we alternate.

That’s not playdates. That’s exchanging babysitting. We did activities our kids enjoyed, not just because we could carpool. These were not friends. They were strangers whose kids were in the activities demanding rides as in we pick up from their house and drop off every time.

You sound like you have some issues. I'm guessing you don't have a lot of friends. Maybe get some help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everybody complaining about sh*tty inflexible jobs situations in the private sector should have made better choices, duh. And also care less about $$$.

I’m seriously beginning to think all the hysterical anti-RTO people are actually 12 to 13 years old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everybody complaining about sh*tty inflexible jobs situations in the private sector should have made better choices, duh. And also care less about $$$.

I’m seriously beginning to think all the hysterical anti-RTO people are actually 12 to 13 years old.

You're not actually that dense, right? My post, and the "duh" in particular, was done mockingly -- to point out the ridiculous flippant attitude of the "pro-RTO" folks who apparently think no one should ever complain about anything, ever, because poor choices are always to blame.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:In the real world 40 hours is the minimum hours worked. So workers are in the office a lot more than govt employees realize pre-covid.

If I had a Dentist Appointment or Doctors Appointment or Kids activity and I had to leave on time. Not early. I have to ask my boss usually.

Going back to office 40 yours a week is the absolute bare minimun in real worlds.

Places I worked at we often staff it based on a 50 hour week. We could hire 20 percent less workers. We be more profitable, we have less real estate rent, less people on medical plan. And even 50 hours is not a long day. If you eat at your desk and skip lunch it is 8-6pm

And in busy season when i was big four, we usually work 8-8 every day 60 hour weeks.

In summer we worked only 40 hour a week and felt like a vacation none of us knew what to do with all the free time.

When I worked at Citigroup we had a rule unless my dept was working at least 45 hours a week each we could not hire. Makes sense, how are you short staffed if no one is working OT?

Oh look, I used to work for an investment bank too so I'll chime in. In the "real world", you get market based bonuses, RSUs, etc to compensate you for that private sector work. In the Federal government, you're lucky if you get a cost of living adjustment that almost keeps up with inflation. These two are not the same and neither is your humble brag from a loser experience.

Thats executives. At my place at least 50 percent of company in cubes or admin just worked those hours and got squat.

Wow! What terrible career choices you made indeed! You should have made different ones.

For me I did my time and did get the corner office by 45. However, the fact remains. only 10 percent of company were in senior roles. 90 percent of company did their work for little pay and long hours. And where I got my break was not at my prior company. I did work.

If people were called back to work and worked 50 hours a week. I mean like a dog, then they let Dawins Law take effect there be no need this drama. By 2026 only Rock Stars will be left

Really? More like only the truly desperate will be left. Which is highly unlikely to be the highest performers.

Not true at all. At Big 4 when you make manager they always tell you 90 percent of you wont make Partner. People stay till they realize the Brass Ring is not happening. Same at FAANGMT type companies and IB. High Performers don't quit too often. Too much RSUs and bonus vesting.

My last Rodeo at a Hyper Growth start up where I was on SMT I was kicking it. But at year two Father time was catching up with me and I decided I am jumping rather than sliding. Which is something Musk and Dimon would be proud of. Put in the work and if you decide you no longer want to then leave.

Hence the problem. The young hungry people are getting kicked out and folks like me are not leaving. And I am humble. I knew I was reaching Point I could not pretend to keep us so why bother. I think a lot of people need to do this but they are not.

Yeah, except Federal government was never supposed to be "putting in the work" like a FAANG or IB with the hope of significant payoff in bonuses or equity. The mission, quality of life, stability and long term benefits were the draw and that's going, going and almost gone.

Faang doesn’t always have bonuses or equity. My spouse has never gotten either.

It is with a catch. I got a 180K RSU sign on but it vests over four years with cliffs and then worry if it will be refreshed and with one year cliffs you get nervous before cliff date and quarterly reviews you have four times a year to get fired.

I seen lots of people canned prior to year one so got zero of sign-on. Just worked like a dog 3-10 months and out the door.

Very true. We don’t consider it income and don’t plan financially with it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That was the entire intent of RTO, to get women out of the workforce and make more jobs for high school, educated men.

Be thankful your husband has a secure job, a lot of people don’t right now

NP here. I have always worked since college days. Once I immigrated to USA in my late 20s, I was shocked to discover that every.single.policy and tradition in this country was to keep women out of the workplace. So, I did. I became a SAHM after years of college education. However, I will never allow my children to not be fulfilled because of inflexibility regarding work-life balance when they become parents. I am determined that I will do whatever is necessary to support them to raise their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That was the entire intent of RTO, to get women out of the workforce and make more jobs for high school, educated men.

Be thankful your husband has a secure job, a lot of people don’t right now

NP here. I have always worked since college days. Once I immigrated to USA in my late 20s, I was shocked to discover that every.single.policy and tradition in this country was to keep women out of the workplace. So, I did. I became a SAHM after years of college education. However, I will never allow my children to not be fulfilled because of inflexibility regarding work-life balance when they become parents. I am determined that I will do whatever is necessary to support them to raise their kids.

I guess some European countries have the long maternity leave, free or cheap and high quality nursery schools. Is that what you are referring to? Asian countries don’t have that, but they have more servants and parents helping out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That was the entire intent of RTO, to get women out of the workforce and make more jobs for high school, educated men.

Be thankful your husband has a secure job, a lot of people don’t right now

NP here. I have always worked since college days. Once I immigrated to USA in my late 20s, I was shocked to discover that every.single.policy and tradition in this country was to keep women out of the workplace. So, I did. I became a SAHM after years of college education. However, I will never allow my children to not be fulfilled because of inflexibility regarding work-life balance when they become parents. I am determined that I will do whatever is necessary to support them to raise their kids.

Yessss! I have had almost no support from my Boomer parents, who couldnt care less, which has resulted in years of income loss and then years of extra childcare expenses and logistical difficulties. That's their perogative, however I have already committed in my mind to helping my own children out significantly in this regard when they get to this stage in life.

[Anonymous]

Luckily, my spouse is fully remote in a private sector job so now they have to do all drop offs. Kids are in after care so I do a few pick ups and activities if I am able to get in early and leave early. With the way things are going with RIFs, RTO is a headache but unfortunately, not my primary stressor and concern.

[Anonymous]

This thread did not age well. RTO should be the least of anyone's concerns. Having a job to RTO for is the real issue.

[Anonymous]

Does anyone do a 6am - 2 pm schedule? I’m wondering if it will be manageable with a 1 hour commute. I’ll miss seeing my kids in the morning but it would be nice to have the entire afternoon and evening off and have focused time with them.

Right now, I’m often on calls until 5:30 (even though my schedule ends at 4:30) and then finishing up emails until about 6. I am hoping to get on a 6-2 schedule and actually follow it. Not sure how realistic this is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone do a 6am - 2 pm schedule? I’m wondering if it will be manageable with a 1 hour commute. I’ll miss seeing my kids in the morning but it would be nice to have the entire afternoon and evening off and have focused time with them.

Right now, I’m often on calls until 5:30 (even though my schedule ends at 4:30) and then finishing up emails until about 6. I am hoping to get on a 6-2 schedule and actually follow it. Not sure how realistic this is.

It's doable if you're not expected to be available for afternoon meetings, but it sounds like you are. Also check your office's core hours policy.

I'm really hoping to negotiate 7-3 but I am on frequent calls with people from NM to HI so I may not be allowed.

[Anonymous]

Core hours are 10-2. I think I’m going to try to be as strict as possibl and only join calls absolutely necessary after 2.

I do think that schedules will be all over the place and it will make it harder to schedule calls and meetings. I work in a prosecutorial position though so many we won’t be working much anymore anyways.

[Anonymous]

Govt people are the worst. Don’t take that the wrong way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Govt people are the worst. Don’t take that the wrong way.

thread not about govt people. OP is not a fed.

[Anonymous]

Core hours should be 9-5