Girlfriend Is Lazy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's her cup size?

[Anonymous]

This would be a red flag for me. Most of the time, the cleaning doesn’t get better. You just learn to tolerate mess or you end up cleaning things to your standards (and you learn to be okay with that). Factor in kids and a stressful job and you’ll start resenting that you’re doing the lion’s share of the chores (while she waits for the maid to come every 2 weeks). Marriage is a marathon. Think about the qualities you want in a person for the long term (not just those for right now).

[Anonymous]

Two slobs are happy together. Two clean freaks are happy together. A slob and a clean freak not so much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am messy and DH is not and it is definitely the most difficult thing in our relationship. Every other point of conflict pales in comparison to this one. At one point he wanted to divorce me over it. I have gotten much better about cleaning and he has gotten a lot less judgmental and has been able to relax more so things are okay, but had I known he cared so much about cleanliness I wouldn’t have married him (it’s not like he didn’t know I was messy before he pursued me, I don’t know why he thought I would suddenly change).

NP. I’d like to add that I am not messy and super neat but my DH has super high expectations of cleanliness, and most of our arguments are about little things he nitpicks me on and it’s super frustrating. It has taken a lot of time for me to meet his expectations and for him to lower his expectations just to meet in the middle somewhere and even then, it’s very challenging. I cannot imagine being in a relationship with an even greater disparity, especially as the person who cares a lot more about cleanliness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am messy and DH is not and it is definitely the most difficult thing in our relationship. Every other point of conflict pales in comparison to this one. At one point he wanted to divorce me over it. I have gotten much better about cleaning and he has gotten a lot less judgmental and has been able to relax more so things are okay, but had I known he cared so much about cleanliness I wouldn’t have married him (it’s not like he didn’t know I was messy before he pursued me, I don’t know why he thought I would suddenly change).

Same here. Except mine has also expected me to clean after him because I am a woman.

[Anonymous]

I often (half) joke that the reason I got divorced was because my XH couldn’t be bothered to put his dirty dishes in the dishwasher. 19 years of cleaning up after him caused so much built up resentment and it got to the point where I was doing so much and he was doing so little that I lost all respect for him. I felt that he valued his time over mine since he couldn’t take the extra two seconds to actually move his dirty dishes from the sink to the dishwasher. Ultimately the last thing I wanted to do was have sex with a man-child who I didn’t respect. And no, he was not that bad initially, things just got progressively worse a the years went on. Crystal ball OP- these things don’t get better.

[Anonymous]

NP. This is such an interesting post. I'm wondering where OP will end up long term.

We often hear men on here that they would prefer someone who is sex positive over other things that are considered important by some (maintaining life skills like cooking/cleanliness etc.). This guy has listed all of the things in his gf that men on here post about wanting in a wife and that they would de-prioritize everything else (cooking/cleaning/kids/community) if the wife was sex positive. Wondering what is the reality in the trade off discussion. Would the men then dump this type of wife when she's older because she may not be as hot/young etc.?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My girlfriend is incredibly lazy. She doesn’t cook and barely cleans. She is very messy. I cook and clean. I grew up with a military dad who taught me it was important to be independent and able to handle those responsibilities. I grew up doing my own laundry and cooking many of my own meals ( after school) since I was like 12. She grew up with a mom who did her laundry and always cleaned up after her. I do love her but I’m starting to really worry about being with someone who is so messy. I can look past the cooking, but never cleaning up after herself is irritating.

This problem is so easily solved. Break up. this is not somebody you want to be tethered to.

[Anonymous]

If she grew up with or got used to a full time housekeeper then it will feel really strange to her to pick up after herself. It’s an adjustment. Maybe both of you are coming from two different household situations and not compatible. If there are women in your circle from military families or with military dads they will be more suitable I think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My girlfriend is incredibly lazy. She doesn’t cook and barely cleans. She is very messy. I cook and clean. I grew up with a military dad who taught me it was important to be independent and able to handle those responsibilities. I grew up doing my own laundry and cooking many of my own meals ( after school) since I was like 12. She grew up with a mom who did her laundry and always cleaned up after her. I do love her but I’m starting to really worry about being with someone who is so messy. I can look past the cooking, but never cleaning up after herself is irritating.

Run!

[Anonymous]

Why are you living with her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My girlfriend is incredibly lazy. She doesn’t cook and barely cleans. She is very messy. I cook and clean. I grew up with a military dad who taught me it was important to be independent and able to handle those responsibilities. I grew up doing my own laundry and cooking many of my own meals ( after school) since I was like 12. She grew up with a mom who did her laundry and always cleaned up after her. I do love her but I’m starting to really worry about being with someone who is so messy. I can look past the cooking, but never cleaning up after herself is irritating.

Run!

+1 How will you feel when she doesn't pick up after your kids either? Kids are far messier btw, so imagine current messy state x10. Then imagine her losing her hotness (will happen in middle age if not sooner since she's lazy) and think about whether that's a marriage you want.

[Anonymous]

I had a lt boyfriend who was a total slob. Bathroom always disgusting, papers everywhere, never cleaned. When we eventually broke up, I felt a tremendous sense of relief that I didn't have to live like that anymore and do believe I dodged a bullet. I can't imagine what a nightmare it would have been with kids factored in. I married a wonderfully neat, organized, and disciplined man and he partnered with a similarly slovenly woman. All's well that ends well!

[Anonymous]

This is what dating is for

You aren't married Op. You are entitled to your preferences. You are an idiot, though, to complain and then not have the guts to seek a better match.

[Anonymous]

I knew I’d found “the one” because I realized we perfectly complimented one another when it came to chores. I have no issue doing laundry and floors. He obsessed over the kitchen and lawn. We each have a bathroom we’re responsible for. It was completely unspoken and started when he was staying over a couple nights a week. He moved in a few months after that and now it’s been years.

The thing is, you will have chores to do the rest of your life. You’ll never get to stop picking up and cleaning the house unless you get a live-in housekeeper to look after you daily. If this bothers you now, imagine it down the line when you have a kid or two making a mess, a wife making a mess, a busy life.