Nanny resentful

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DP. My nanny likes to take my DD to her place once a week. It allows them to hang out in her environment and perhaps visit a nearby park or store. She would probably do it more often but I want DD at our house for the remainder of the week. I am puzzled that pps think OP makes her do this when clearly the nanny requested it.

She initially did it without asking and then later demanded it. This was a really a teach for me bc she lives with her boyfriend and I was not excited about an unapproved adult in their home, on top of which BF works “in agriculture” aka the cannabis industry and I didn’t want him in an environment where that might be a feature/normalized.

Reach not teach. I did stop by their home to pick kid up one day to check it out for myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Had a nanny who’s been watching 10 yo for 6 months. She has done a great job w supervising remote school, gets groceries I also for one every 2 weeks or so, does an occasional errand. She has had a few fits where she felt like she was working too much and curtailed her hours to 8/day (it was 9). She complained about various things (driving son to lessons, during which she can relax and get coffee; helping me move some light stuff when our housing situation changed); I have rectified what I could (shortened her hours three days a week (which she returned into 5 d/week), paying her for gas, saying nothing when she started having DC make his own lunch, allowing her to leave mid-day for doctors appointments, allowing her to care for DC at her house when she don’t like our temporary June lodgings; bonusing her for her birthday ($100) and for the moving help ($250). She said she would stay through Kune and then on June 1 gave me 2 weeks notice. I did not give her a hard time about quitting 2 weeks early. I seldom see her bc she arrives after I leave for work and leaves before I return. Her last day was Friday and instead of picking up her paycheck in person like I asked she came to get it when I was out, did not return my call and made zero attempt to say thank you, goodbye or otherwise close the 6 months. It has really bugged me, as she is making $20/hour and I accommodated her a lot, but she bahaved as if I exploited her. WWYD? She a a recent college grad and I feel like writing her a note on how you leave a job, even one you dislike.

I don't want to pile on but I bolded a few things that stood out to me. She's a nanny yet you have her buy your groceries, run errands, help you move (to an undesirable temporary lodging), don't pay for her gas and you are resentful when she needs to go to the doctor and still care for your son at her house. You would quit too if you were unhappy, which is her right. I don't understand the Friday situation. Did she pick up her check on a different day? If she really was that unhappy that she did not even want to see you then you might have to do some personal reflection.

[Anonymous]

OP---your nanny sounds like an entitled brat. Watching a 10 year is a cushy nannying job. You were totally within your rights to essentially make it a "nanny/household assistant" position and if that was what was advertised, then she needed to be doing the minor errands/chores and not complaining.

Your problem was in letting her get away with too much for too long. You've now learned that you need to nip behaviors early---sounds like she just continually pushed.

[Anonymous]

OP, I feel your nanny. You added things to her job description that had nothing whatsoever to do with childcare. "Helping me move some light stuff when our housing situation changed"? Argh, no. That is outright taking advantage of someone. She's not a mover, she's a nanny. You did not respect her role, her job. You took advantage of her.

I would be leaving the job, too. It's amazing you held on to her this long. Next time, you tell the nanny up front exactly what the job hours are, what the job description is. Then you stick to those hours and only those tasks and no more. Because anything more is not in her job description.

[Anonymous]

The nannies have hijacked your thread, OP. Best to move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The nannies have hijacked your thread, OP. Best to move on.

Sure, you can think that, but it's an anonymous board, and it's more likely than not, that OP is getting feedback from a broad spectrum of posters and just not liking what she hears.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team nanny here. Having the nanny help with the moving was the icing on the cake for me. Having her do that, whether you paid her or not, shows that you didn't respect her. Never in a million years would I ask a child care provider to do that.

Sadly this is the millennial attitude all around. “Not my job” whenever they are asked to do the slightest thing different or extra and the first question is always “will you pay me extra?” You will not meet anyone who did well at a job who did not occasionally do something beyond that job, and in this case it sounds like it was not that much to do.

millennial here, I will do extra and work my butt off if there is a reason to. At a job that I care about, I'll happily put in long hours and will never say no to extra work. What promotion is a nanny working towards? For a college grad, it isn't a real job at least not in the sense that there is any future in it.

Ha! Life has a way of bringing pompous people like you down. There is a reason to do a good job anywhere, you took the jshouldob, no? You are working at that job, not towards some future job. A reference letter for a young student, even from a mom that she babysat for, is worth a lot when you fresh out of school and have no other experience! Do you think that jobs that offer huge salaries and promotions appear for lazy out fo school young people? I can see that you do think that.
The job you should care for is any job that pays the bills and puts food on your table and a roof over your head! You sound like a clueless trust fund baby or a kept woman!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The nannies have hijacked your thread, OP. Best to move on.

Your posts are getting very repetitive.

[Anonymous]

OP, it's a relationship not likely to last, or thrive. Just let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team nanny here. Having the nanny help with the moving was the icing on the cake for me. Having her do that, whether you paid her or not, shows that you didn't respect her. Never in a million years would I ask a child care provider to do that.

Sadly this is the millennial attitude all around. “Not my job” whenever they are asked to do the slightest thing different or extra and the first question is always “will you pay me extra?” You will not meet anyone who did well at a job who did not occasionally do something beyond that job, and in this case it sounds like it was not that much to do.

millennial here, I will do extra and work my butt off if there is a reason to. At a job that I care about, I'll happily put in long hours and will never say no to extra work. What promotion is a nanny working towards? For a college grad, it isn't a real job at least not in the sense that there is any future in it.

Ha! Life has a way of bringing pompous people like you down. There is a reason to do a good job anywhere, you took the jshouldob, no? You are working at that job, not towards some future job. A reference letter for a young student, even from a mom that she babysat for, is worth a lot when you fresh out of school and have no other experience! Do you think that jobs that offer huge salaries and promotions appear for lazy out fo school young people? I can see that you do think that.
The job you should care for is any job that pays the bills and puts food on your table and a roof over your head! You sound like a clueless trust fund baby or a kept woman!

apparently this nanny managed to move on without the mom reference

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team nanny here. Having the nanny help with the moving was the icing on the cake for me. Having her do that, whether you paid her or not, shows that you didn't respect her. Never in a million years would I ask a child care provider to do that.

Sadly this is the millennial attitude all around. “Not my job” whenever they are asked to do the slightest thing different or extra and the first question is always “will you pay me extra?” You will not meet anyone who did well at a job who did not occasionally do something beyond that job, and in this case it sounds like it was not that much to do.

millennial here, I will do extra and work my butt off if there is a reason to. At a job that I care about, I'll happily put in long hours and will never say no to extra work. What promotion is a nanny working towards? For a college grad, it isn't a real job at least not in the sense that there is any future in it.

Ha! Life has a way of bringing pompous people like you down. There is a reason to do a good job anywhere, you took the jshouldob, no? You are working at that job, not towards some future job. A reference letter for a young student, even from a mom that she babysat for, is worth a lot when you fresh out of school and have no other experience! Do you think that jobs that offer huge salaries and promotions appear for lazy out fo school young people? I can see that you do think that.
The job you should care for is any job that pays the bills and puts food on your table and a roof over your head! You sound like a clueless trust fund baby or a kept woman!

yes, the mom is absolutely going to open doors for her nanny. More likely, that nanny was working after hours doing all that they could to get a job. Plenty of people have to find something to pay the bills while they scramble to find a real job. Eventually people do find the real job and that enables them to quit the crappy retail/food service/gig economy or in this case nanny job and never look back on it. This nanny isn't unique, plenty of places put off or scaled back hiring during the pandemic and those opportunities are starting to come back

[Anonymous]

OP,

Ignore the nasty posters.

Neither you nor the nanny sound like terrible people. But she feels this job was beneath her, clearly. My friends had exactly the same problem with their college student nannies. I think it’s generational.

Just let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team nanny here. Having the nanny help with the moving was the icing on the cake for me. Having her do that, whether you paid her or not, shows that you didn't respect her. Never in a million years would I ask a child care provider to do that.

Sadly this is the millennial attitude all around. “Not my job” whenever they are asked to do the slightest thing different or extra and the first question is always “will you pay me extra?” You will not meet anyone who did well at a job who did not occasionally do something beyond that job, and in this case it sounds like it was not that much to do.

millennial here, I will do extra and work my butt off if there is a reason to. At a job that I care about, I'll happily put in long hours and will never say no to extra work. What promotion is a nanny working towards? For a college grad, it isn't a real job at least not in the sense that there is any future in it.

Ha! Life has a way of bringing pompous people like you down. There is a reason to do a good job anywhere, you took the jshouldob, no? You are working at that job, not towards some future job. A reference letter for a young student, even from a mom that she babysat for, is worth a lot when you fresh out of school and have no other experience! Do you think that jobs that offer huge salaries and promotions appear for lazy out fo school young people? I can see that you do think that.
The job you should care for is any job that pays the bills and puts food on your table and a roof over your head! You sound like a clueless trust fund baby or a kept woman!

apparently this nanny managed to move on without the mom reference

Working for her family’s business. No reference (or effort or qualifications) needed. Sounds like she is going far.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team nanny here. Having the nanny help with the moving was the icing on the cake for me. Having her do that, whether you paid her or not, shows that you didn't respect her. Never in a million years would I ask a child care provider to do that.

Sadly this is the millennial attitude all around. “Not my job” whenever they are asked to do the slightest thing different or extra and the first question is always “will you pay me extra?” You will not meet anyone who did well at a job who did not occasionally do something beyond that job, and in this case it sounds like it was not that much to do.

millennial here, I will do extra and work my butt off if there is a reason to. At a job that I care about, I'll happily put in long hours and will never say no to extra work. What promotion is a nanny working towards? For a college grad, it isn't a real job at least not in the sense that there is any future in it.

Ha! Life has a way of bringing pompous people like you down. There is a reason to do a good job anywhere, you took the jshouldob, no? You are working at that job, not towards some future job. A reference letter for a young student, even from a mom that she babysat for, is worth a lot when you fresh out of school and have no other experience! Do you think that jobs that offer huge salaries and promotions appear for lazy out fo school young people? I can see that you do think that.
The job you should care for is any job that pays the bills and puts food on your table and a roof over your head! You sound like a clueless trust fund baby or a kept woman!

yes, the mom is absolutely going to open doors for her nanny. More likely, that nanny was working after hours doing all that they could to get a job. Plenty of people have to find something to pay the bills while they scramble to find a real job. Eventually people do find the real job and that enables them to quit the crappy retail/food service/gig economy or in this case nanny job and never look back on it. This nanny isn't unique, plenty of places put off or scaled back hiring during the pandemic and those opportunities are starting to come back

You sound really foolish. As an employer I would wonder what this college grad did with a year of her life that she isn’t willing to provide a reference for. Much better to have a letter from a working professional who can comment on her responsibility, accountability, people skills, teaching ability, than an empty space on her very short CV. Besides you never know who the mom know who could help her if she wanted to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You consider paying her for the gas to drive your kid around, and paying her extra to do extra work related to a move “accommodations”?

She taught your kid he useful skill of making his own lunch and you didn’t thank her but think she should be grateful you didn’t complain?

+1 Many of the things you're citing as treating your nanny exceptionally well are standard practices. In fact, paying for gas to cart your kid around is not something extra, and I hope that if she used her own car, so I hope you paid her something extra for that, because often parents provide their own car for the nanny to drive., It's also not a bad thing for a 10 year old to make their own lunch. And allowing her time for doctor's appointments is also par for the course when you have a nanny. It's a person you're employing, not a daycare center, they'll need time off occasionally to go about their lives.

I paid her IRS mileage rates for her mileage/gas, totally standard. I said “adjustments” not “exceptional benefits.” “Accommodate” refers to her leaving an hour earlier than she was hired for and arriving an hour later, and letting her supervise in her own home instead of ours when she wanted to. I don’t think there are too many nanny jobs where you can do your own work 6 hours a day while a 10 year old is in remote school, and makes his own lunch, it’s a lot easier than watching a toddler or younger child.

I supervised remote school for 9 and 13 year olds. My rate was $30/hr and the kids made their own lunches. My bosses never asked me to do their errands (during a pandemic, no less!) and if they asked me to move their ‘bags by the door’ I would have told them to kick rocks.

So what did you do all day?

Just sit there?

Talk about a work ethic!