Nanny resentful

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Had a nanny who’s been watching 10 yo for 6 months. She has done a great job w supervising remote school, gets groceries I also for one every 2 weeks or so, does an occasional errand. She has had a few fits where she felt like she was working too much and curtailed her hours to 8/day (it was 9). She complained about various things (driving son to lessons, during which she can relax and get coffee; helping me move some light stuff when our housing situation changed); I have rectified what I could (shortened her hours three days a week (which she returned into 5 d/week), paying her for gas, saying nothing when she started having DC make his own lunch, allowing her to leave mid-day for doctors appointments, allowing her to care for DC at her house when she don’t like our temporary June lodgings; bonusing her for her birthday ($100) and for the moving help ($250). She said she would stay through Kune and then on June 1 gave me 2 weeks notice. I did not give her a hard time about quitting 2 weeks early. I seldom see her bc she arrives after I leave for work and leaves before I return. Her last day was Friday and instead of picking up her paycheck in person like I asked she came to get it when I was out, did not return my call and made zero attempt to say thank you, goodbye or otherwise close the 6 months. It has really bugged me, as she is making $20/hour and I accommodated her a lot, but she bahaved as if I exploited her. WWYD? She a a recent college grad and I feel like writing her a note on how you leave a job, even one you dislike.

So you used your nanny to get groceries and help you move? Seriously?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to move on. You kept asking the nanny to do things outside of her contract - it's not her job to help you move.

Agree 100 percent. Moving furniture is not part of a nanny's job!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
OP---your nanny sounds like an entitled brat. Watching a 10 year is a cushy nannying job. You were totally within your rights to essentially make it a "nanny/household assistant" position and if that was what was advertised, then she needed to be doing the minor errands/chores and not complaining.

Your problem was in letting her get away with too much for too long. You've now learned that you need to nip behaviors early---sounds like she just continually pushed.


Then OP should have no problem attracting and retaining quality employees. Let's see how that goes.

Actually, I was that OP. I had the same nanny for over 4 years with our older kids. I was organized and fair, i.e., I had a contract with detailed responsibilities, I paid health care, and used a professional payroll service for direct deposit taxes and payment. The key is that if you expect a nanny for older kids to really be a household assistant with broader responsibilities than child care, and you make it clear at the beginning, then everybody is on the same page. Our nanny is still in touch with our family and uses me for references, which I gladly give.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I knew of one nanny whose job included taking a kid to the bus stop.
When the kid was slow on purpose and refused to rush she made him walk. He made a crying scene when finally arrived at school. He didn't get much sympathy. Surprisingly it almost seemed like the entire schools teacher community supported the nanny

She made him walk where, to school? When he missed the bus, is that right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:You consider paying her for the gas to drive your kid around, and paying her extra to do extra work related to a move “accommodations”?

She taught your kid he useful skill of making his own lunch and you didn’t thank her but think she should be grateful you didn’t complain?

+1 Many of the things you're citing as treating your nanny exceptionally well are standard practices. In fact, paying for gas to cart your kid around is not something extra, and I hope that if she used her own car, so I hope you paid her something extra for that, because often parents provide their own car for the nanny to drive., It's also not a bad thing for a 10 year old to make their own lunch. And allowing her time for doctor's appointments is also par for the course when you have a nanny. It's a person you're employing, not a daycare center, they'll need time off occasionally to go about their lives.

I paid her IRS mileage rates for her mileage/gas, totally standard. I said “adjustments” not “exceptional benefits.” “Accommodate” refers to her leaving an hour earlier than she was hired for and arriving an hour later, and letting her supervise in her own home instead of ours when she wanted to. I don’t think there are too many nanny jobs where you can do your own work 6 hours a day while a 10 year old is in remote school, and makes his own lunch, it’s a lot easier than watching a toddler or younger child.

I supervised remote school for 9 and 13 year olds. My rate was $30/hr and the kids made their own lunches. My bosses never asked me to do their errands (during a pandemic, no less!) and if they asked me to move their ‘bags by the door’ I would have told them to kick rocks.

So what did you do all day?

Just sit there?

Talk about a work ethic!

A lot of people make 30$/hr and up, particularly those with college degrees. They are not just "sitting there." I don't think OP's job was that attractive for someone with a college degree. I'm guessing OP's nanny took this job as a stop gap measure and will move to a more professional education setting shortly. So there isn't going to be a bunch of gratitude that OP is expecting. This is going to be the job she looks back on as the reason why I got my degree so I don't have to be subject to the whims of some mom again.

OP here and I totally agree with you, but that doesn’t excuse her rude behavior.

I guess you're not able to put yourself in her shoes. After reading her post, I was thinking she looks at you like that annoying mom who keeps asking her to do things that are outside of her contract. She didn't quit 2 weeks early because she loved working for you. She was clearly unhappy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to move on. You kept asking the nanny to do things outside of her contract - it's not her job to help you move.

Agree 100 percent. Moving furniture is not part of a nanny's job!

Wtf. OP didn’t make her move furniture. Read. It was just a few light bags of things she transferred in and out of her car.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to move on. You kept asking the nanny to do things outside of her contract - it's not her job to help you move.

Agree 100 percent. Moving furniture is not part of a nanny's job!

Wtf. OP didn’t make her move furniture. Read. It was just a few light bags of things she transferred in and out of her car.

Move on OP. You're not going to change your mind, and others aren't either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to move on. You kept asking the nanny to do things outside of her contract - it's not her job to help you move.

Agree 100 percent. Moving furniture is not part of a nanny's job!

Wtf. OP didn’t make her move furniture. Read. It was just a few light bags of things she transferred in and out of her car.

Since OP claims she paid nanny $250 for the moving help I sorta think that’s BS but only OP knows the truth.

[Anonymous]

Why is OP so obsessed with this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No work ethic. Sorry OP. Move on and forget her.

Hi, OP! Thanks for your third "work ethic" post/response to yourself.

P.S. if you're going to sock puppet, you should work harder at hiding your distinctive, non native English speaker manner of writing. Just a tip!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$20 is a low rate, which is probably reasonable for a cushy job like yours, but you can’t expect her to love it.

OH PLEASE $20 an hour for watching a 10 year old do virtual learning is great. This isn't changing diapers, dealing with whiny toddlers, etc etc. Come on people! Don't believe the nannies here.

Sure, OP, whatever you say. You hired a college graduate with relatively higher credentials than most nannies in a booming job market, and asked her to do stuff outside her scope of work. I'm not a nanny, and I have the employer tax software to prove it. But if you're going to be so defensive about what people are trying to tell you, I'm not sure why you bothered to post here. Just bask in your supreme righteousness and move on.

OP and that wasn’t me above, nor were any of the other “team OP” posts.. Interesting how the opinions here are so divided.

LOL! Oh, stop. Your word choices and syntax give you away every time. You're not as clever as you think you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Had a nanny who’s been watching 10 yo for 6 months. She has done a great job w supervising remote school, gets groceries I also for one every 2 weeks or so, does an occasional errand. She has had a few fits where she felt like she was working too much and curtailed her hours to 8/day (it was 9). She complained about various things (driving son to lessons, during which she can relax and get coffee; helping me move some light stuff when our housing situation changed); I have rectified what I could (shortened her hours three days a week (which she returned into 5 d/week), paying her for gas, saying nothing when she started having DC make his own lunch, allowing her to leave mid-day for doctors appointments, allowing her to care for DC at her house when she don’t like our temporary June lodgings; bonusing her for her birthday ($100) and for the moving help ($250). She said she would stay through Kune and then on June 1 gave me 2 weeks notice. I did not give her a hard time about quitting 2 weeks early. I seldom see her bc she arrives after I leave for work and leaves before I return. Her last day was Friday and instead of picking up her paycheck in person like I asked she came to get it when I was out, did not return my call and made zero attempt to say thank you, goodbye or otherwise close the 6 months. It has really bugged me, as she is making $20/hour and I accommodated her a lot, but she bahaved as if I exploited her. WWYD? She a a recent college grad and I feel like writing her a note on how you leave a job, even one you dislike.

You're complaining is coming across badly.

1. You should have been paying federal mileage from the start.
2. She was picking up your groceries, which is not typical. Moving is way outside the boundaries that most nannies set, and $250 may have felt like not enough, given everything.
3. There's no reason a 10yo should be so incapable that they can't make a sandwich, unless there are SN.
4. $100 for her birthday is nothing special.
5. The appointments should have come out of sick or pto, and it's normal to take a half day, if possible.
6. There's no reason for a massive thing for closure. She's within her rights to pick up the check whenever she can.

Now, she was in the wrong too. She should have quit instead of taking your 10yo to her house. And there's no reason for the hours to be cut, because she knew what she signed up to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$20 is a low rate, which is probably reasonable for a cushy job like yours, but you can’t expect her to love it.

OH PLEASE $20 an hour for watching a 10 year old do virtual learning is great. This isn't changing diapers, dealing with whiny toddlers, etc etc. Come on people! Don't believe the nannies here.

Sure, OP, whatever you say. You hired a college graduate with relatively higher credentials than most nannies in a booming job market, and asked her to do stuff outside her scope of work. I'm not a nanny, and I have the employer tax software to prove it. But if you're going to be so defensive about what people are trying to tell you, I'm not sure why you bothered to post here. Just bask in your supreme righteousness and move on.

OP and that wasn’t me above, nor were any of the other “team OP” posts.. Interesting how the opinions here are so divided.

LOL! Oh, stop. Your word choices and syntax give you away every time. You're not as clever as you think you are.

+1 Agreed. I'd ask Jeff to prove her sock puppeting, but this thread isn't worth the effort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What did you want from this poor girl? For her to tell you what an amazing employer you are? I really can't tell what you wanted that you did not get.

At any rate, it sounds to me like she was reliable, accommodating, and took good care of your kid in exchange for money. That was the deal you made. She is not required to show you gratitude, to show up a particular time to get her paycheck (I assume you were not paying for her time to pick up the check), and to otherwise genuflect to you.

1) you assume wrong, she picked up the check during her paid work hours and left my kid home alone to do it.
2) Lordy, how rude. No I’m not looking for adoration, just normal goodbye good luck thanks for helping my kid w school and lmk if you need a reference. parting words. Not ghosting.

Where was the check that it wasn't with you and wasn't at home?

[Anonymous]

She’ll learn. Say nothing.