Local writer quoted in WP saying that she "plays dumb" around SAHMs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I play dumb around Hannah Rosin.

Yeah, I'm not a fan. I think she just tries to stir the pot in ways that I don't find helpful.

[Anonymous]

Many SAHMs I know, including myself, also worked in very demanding, professional jobs for many years. Because we didn't have kids until we were well into our 30s and had already achieved a considerable degree of professional success, we were more likely to say, "I've don the career thing for a while; I'm ready to do the mom thing now."'

That's me.

I also agree with the notion that in real life, friends don't always tell their friends what they really think. What would be the point?

Still, I know, because I can see it plainly in their faces, that some of my full-time WOHM neighbors think I've been deprived of oxygen for too long. Because not only can I not recite the 115 iterations of the health bill from the past 2 years, but I also don't care. Nor do I care to discuss the US's devil-you-know policy re: Afghanistan and its again-robust poppy fields.

There is a difference between being Hanna Rosin's "dumb" and just not wanting to engage on a certain level anymore. To wit, the detailed, inside baseball level. I used to be paid to do that, and now I'm off the hook, and I find it really liberating.

[Anonymous]

to the 12:15 poster, I like you, you seem very happy. Good for you!

[Anonymous]

Who CARES, WHO CARES WHO CARES?????? Get a backbone and some self-esteem---PLEASE! I waded thru the 'popular mom vs unpopular mom', etc. posts and this...and you know what I realized...I am content. Content with my choices, content with my friends...actually I should say 'happy'--not 'content'. I don't give a flying f*ck what anyone else thinks about them. My kids are happy and thriving so I know our current situation works. I am happy and thriving as is DH. If I go to a park and there are 'b*tches' who cares. It is somebody truly insecure who befirends ppl solely on appearances or professions or lack thereof.

I think I am a bit of an anamoly because I wah with reduced hours and float in and out of both worlds on a regular basis. i am not even sure some ppl know I work and then there are some ppl at the park that see my youngest with a nanny and think I am never around. I pick up and drop off my oldest at preschool and many there think i am full-time sah. The ppl I am friends with are the ppl that don't care either way and don't judge me or my kids on any simple fact. I have friends with so many different situations and backgrounds and schedules. Why bash anyone else? The bashers are the most insecure ppl and will never be happy. I don't feel the need to put somebody else down to justify my current situation. To place these stereotpyes and categorize a widely diverse group of ppl one way is absolutely absurd and ignorant.

I, personally, like to surround myself with ppl that are not my clones. I like a diverse group. I have learned fabulous tips from sahms and wahs and wohs...I am open to everyone's advice.

I just don't care about these idiotic debates. Guilt-free parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Many SAHMs I know, including myself, also worked in very demanding, professional jobs for many years. Because we didn't have kids until we were well into our 30s and had already achieved a considerable degree of professional success, we were more likely to say, "I've don the career thing for a while; I'm ready to do the mom thing now."' Since then, some have returned to work, but others, like myself, have found other pursuits to be as compelling as paid work. Many of us have extensive volunteer commitments in our kids' schools and in our communities.

That is an absurd excuse. When I see mothers practically taking over the school, I cringe, as boundaries are definitely NOT defined. How can children learn to be independent when their mothers are always present? When can they find their own space to become individuals? If you have "extensive volunteer commitments" in your child's school, shouldn't you be working if you have all of those hours "free?"

I married at 37 and had my first child at 38. I had two careers behind me and three degrees. Why would I push that aside? Saying that you've "done the career thing for a while" only marginalizes a woman's participation in the work force. You should be embarrassed by that statement.

Furthermore, being "ready to do the mom thing" is equally offensive because you're basically implying that women who work aren't ready to take on the "mommy role."

Rock on, Rosin!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've read lots of Hannah Rosin's pieces (even been interviewed by her once), and I think she's a pretty sharp and astute writer. I kind of get where she was coming from.

I can tell that makes you feel very special, but why? She used to be a sharp and astute writer, now she wastes her days writing about Tiger Woods and how scared she is of the judgments of strangers at the park who happen to be moms (see bfeeding article) or women she talks to who have given birth recently (see Post magazine). Not sure if she is just monumentally insecure, a pot stirrer, or an incredible narcisist who thinks everyone else is consumed with thoughts of her and her children. Or all 3. But what does it matter? If you are comfortable with your choices who gives a fig about what Hanna Rosin has babbled to fill print space this week?

[Anonymous]

Hannah Rosin should attend my book club. I am probably the only full time working mom in the group (other than one whose kids are college age). A couple of part-timers, but mostly full-time SAHM.

And yet, I am thrilled that I found such a smart, thoughtful group to discuss books with. They've got great educations, a love of reading, insights into human nature and willingness to discuss racism, gender issues, Afghanistan, politics, etc. And to my envy, many see current movies too.

[Anonymous]

13:31 = oh, and I live outside the beltway. Definitely classic suburbia.

[Anonymous]

What is crazy to me is that Hannah Rosin associates being smart with reading the paper -- only in Washington!!! Some of my smartest friends (college professors, doctors) don't regularly read the paper regularly -- they know enough to decide who to vote for, but otherwise they just don't care that much about current events.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been both a SAHM and have WOHM (part-time) mom, and while I think the WM/SAHM mom wars are stupid (because these choices are based on such a variety of individual factors), I have to say quite honestly that I cannot recall a single nasty comment by a SAHM about WOHMs. On the other hand, I've heard several WOHMs comment that SAHMs need to "get a life" -- a particularly nasty thing to say since it's often aimed at women who volunteer extensively in their kids' schools, thus improving the school and offering opprotunities to all kids, not only their own. I've also seen WOHMs manufacture conspiracties between among SAHMs and between SAHMs and school administrators when things don't go well for their own children -- e.g., a WOHM who confided to me that the SAHMs were intentionally keeping her daughter out of a Brownie troop because she was not a SAHM; a WOHM who told me that SAHMs who volunteer in her son's school get preferential treatment for their kids from the principal. Again, I don't want to start a war here and I've been on both sides of it, but for whatever reason, in my experience the WOHMs often seem a little defensive about their choice and it comes out as nastiness toward SAHMs.

Let me guess, you are currently a SAHM.

I'm not saying this to be obnoxious, but the reality is that your viewpoint is undoubtedly colored by your own particular experience. So, you NOTICE the WOHM comments more than the SAHM comments. Also, SAHMs will tend to underplay how nasty some of their so-called "innocent" comments really are toward WOHM. I really think this goes both ways, but I also think that when you say things like - I only hear nasty comments by WOHMs - I think you are selectively hearing things, especially if you are a SAHM. Also, why do instantly discredit WOHMs complaints about being kept out of the Brownie troop, etc. Maybe there is some truth to her complaints. A lot of WOHMs feel that their kids are being unfairly treated simply b/c they aren't there to volunteer for everything, etc. Not saying that is what is happening, but you completely discredit her feelings when they could be quite legitimate.

[Anonymous]

So, in essence, what she said was along the lines of...

When I meet SAHMs or any new moms, I don't talk about newspaper articles, which is what really interests me, I talk about "anything else" which DOES NOT interest me, so that I won't have to face their judgment that I am one of those mothers who only cares about work and doesn't spend any time with my kids.

The question was something along the lines of "When is it ok to pretend that you don't know as much as you do?" or elsewhere on the WP site "When is it ok to play dumb to get ahead?" Most people talked about things like getting out of traffic tickets. Hanna's stream of consciousness answer all about her own conflict balancing her true interests and motherhood really stood out. Her "comment" is not really about SAHMs as much as it is about HER.

[Anonymous]

Proud NPR listener here, cancelled our Post subscription due to this kind of non-substantive drivel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Many SAHMs I know, including myself, also worked in very demanding, professional jobs for many years. Because we didn't have kids until we were well into our 30s and had already achieved a considerable degree of professional success, we were more likely to say, "I've don the career thing for a while; I'm ready to do the mom thing now."' Since then, some have returned to work, but others, like myself, have found other pursuits to be as compelling as paid work. Many of us have extensive volunteer commitments in our kids' schools and in our communities.

That is an absurd excuse. When I see mothers practically taking over the school, I cringe, as boundaries are definitely NOT defined. How can children learn to be independent when their mothers are always present? When can they find their own space to become individuals? If you have "extensive volunteer commitments" in your child's school, shouldn't you be working if you have all of those hours "free?"

I married at 37 and had my first child at 38. I had two careers behind me and three degrees. Why would I push that aside? Saying that you've "done the career thing for a while" only marginalizes a woman's participation in the work force. You should be embarrassed by that statement.

Furthermore, being "ready to do the mom thing" is equally offensive because you're basically implying that women who work aren't ready to take on the "mommy role."

Rock on, Rosin!

Who said you should push that aside? Not the PP you're insulting. You shouldn't! You want to keep working, keep on working. That doesn't mean the rest of us want the same things or are in the same situation.

I had a job I liked and was good at it. I didn't love it. It could have been a career but it felt like a job. Like so many of us, I was a lawyer. Now I love being at home with my kids and would rather do that than go back to work. What I love is: to be with my immediate family, to see my extended family a lot, to read, to keep up with good movies, to cook, to have time to exercise, to be really involved in my church, to travel. I liked my job less than I like all other those things, so I stay home now.

I feel really lucky that I'm able to have time for the things I love the most and I wish the same for all of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Many SAHMs I know, including myself, also worked in very demanding, professional jobs for many years. Because we didn't have kids until we were well into our 30s and had already achieved a considerable degree of professional success, we were more likely to say, "I've don the career thing for a while; I'm ready to do the mom thing now."' Since then, some have returned to work, but others, like myself, have found other pursuits to be as compelling as paid work. Many of us have extensive volunteer commitments in our kids' schools and in our communities.

That is an absurd excuse. When I see mothers practically taking over the school, I cringe, as boundaries are definitely NOT defined. How can children learn to be independent when their mothers are always present? When can they find their own space to become individuals? If you have "extensive volunteer commitments" in your child's school, shouldn't you be working if you have all of those hours "free?"

I married at 37 and had my first child at 38. I had two careers behind me and three degrees. Why would I push that aside? Saying that you've "done the career thing for a while" only marginalizes a woman's participation in the work force. You should be embarrassed by that statement.

Furthermore, being "ready to do the mom thing" is equally offensive because you're basically implying that women who work aren't ready to take on the "mommy role."

Rock on, Rosin!

Actually, I know many men who would be very happy to "drop the career thing for a while," and who would not feel at all marginalized at all.

[Anonymous]

I wonder what Hannah Rosin would think of this: shopping at Whole Foods today I overheard a fascinating conversation between two Spanish-speaking staff members about the immigration rally and the health care vote. They were very well-informed and passionate about these issues. My guess is that they play dumb when they see Hannah -- and her ilk -- coming.