Local writer quoted in WP saying that she "plays dumb" around SAHMs

[Anonymous]

Hated her piece on gender conflicted kids, I think the family that gave her a lot of access must have felt very betrayed. I think deep down she is extremely conservative and defensive of the status quo while fancying herself a cutting edge feminist. Also think she is deeply conflicted about motherhood and it comes out over and over again in her "style" type posts. Instead of relating to someone as a human being or fellow mom, she can't handle things not being on the super surface level of "current events"? Or she is just hoping for attention. The breastfeeding piece was almost a year ago, no?

[Anonymous]

I think she meant she was afraid of the kneejerk judgmental attitude of some SAHMs, who assume that if working moms don't spend enough time with their kids and are, in effect, bad mothers.

[Anonymous]

I don't know. I just googled and read the breastfeeding piece, and it wasn't anti-breastfeeding at all. It was against all the guilt and all-or-nothing point of view of many breastfeeding proponents -- something that also bothered me. And she makes an intriguing point -- do the health benefits of long-term exclusive breast benefits outweigh the loss of professional and intellectual opportunity that the girl babies who are now breastfed will fact when/if they have children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can kind of understand it. When I go to the playground, all the Mom's talk about is what they saw on the View or Oprah that day. When the ladies of the View or Oprah say something, apparently to them, it is fact. That, or they gossip...I have yet to get any further than that with any of them.

Don't get me wrong, I am sure there are other SAHMs who don't talk about that stuff...I have just yet to meet them where we go to play.

Where do you live? I see comments like this frequently on DCUM and find it so surprising. In my four years as a SAHM, I have NEVER heard any other mom talk about Oprah or the View but lots of talk about politics, books, community, travel, culture, etc. Maybe my corner of the DC metro area is unusual. (Hyattsville/Mt. Rainier/Greenbelt/College Park)

Suburban Montgomery County. The other day I saw a Mom, her kids and the Nanny at the park. The Nanny watched and played with the kids while the Mom was on the phone most of the time. Then, she would play with the kids for a minute, the phone would ring and she would walk away and talk again.

Of course I expect small talk when first meeting someone. I however am talking about after the small talk. Either way, that is usually how it is when I see the SAHM Moms there. The rest of the time it's the Nannies and I actually have pretty decent conversations with them.

I guess it all depends on where you are and where you are taking the kids.

Looks can be decieving...I'm often that mom. I have a nanny, but I WFH and sometimes tag along at the park to get some fresh air and at least be able to watch the kids while I take a few calls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think she meant she was afraid of the kneejerk judgmental attitude of some SAHMs, who assume that if working moms don't spend enough time with their kids and are, in effect, bad mothers.

So, I'll call you dumb for not reading the newspaper (interesting definition) before you can call me a bad mother? I makes her sound a little wacky and not very bright. Read it on the WP site so not out of context. Slate is owned by the WP, so heck, Hanna Rosin BETTER be reading the paper since not so many others can stand to with all of the recent changes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:do the health benefits of long-term exclusive breast benefits outweigh the loss of professional and intellectual opportunity that the girl babies who are now breastfed will fact when/if they have children?

PP I think some words got omitted, I'm not following you?

[Anonymous]

PP, sorry, wrote too fast.

What I meant to say is that it's an interesting question, to compare the impact on society of these two things: 1. the benefits, health and cognitive, of breastfeeding, vs. 2. the detriment to society of women of all that missed productivity and diminished professional opportunity?

And when the girls who benefitted from being breastfed grow up and hit all the roadblocks society puts up for women, would it have been more beneficial to them if their mothers hadn't breastfed and had, instead, made more professional progress?

[Anonymous]

Current SAHM mom now. Find it interesting at all the hate thrown at SAHM ..usually by the WM who make some kind of assumption that you are uninteligent because you are choosing to take care of your kids. Really..I don't read a paper? Actually I read more when I got to be at home then I ever did working. I have done both by the way and I heard more of the snarky comments from the WM-it's almost like they have to justify how brilliant they are for working. Whatever. This reporter sounds like a loser. Again..whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP, sorry, wrote too fast.

What I meant to say is that it's an interesting question, to compare the impact on society of these two things: 1. the benefits, health and cognitive, of breastfeeding, vs. 2. the detriment to society of women of all that missed productivity and diminished professional opportunity?

And when the girls who benefitted from being breastfed grow up and hit all the roadblocks society puts up for women, would it have been more beneficial to them if their mothers hadn't breastfed and had, instead, made more professional progress?

Completely idiotic point for her to makes and with her negative spin, sets women up thinking before they start that they will fail.

I'm a working mom and breastfed my son and worked. I nursed him for a year and managed to never open a can of formula. I now have another baby, 4 mos old and am nursing him as well. I am the director of operations for a mid sized company and have quite a successful career. My mentor and someone who I deeply respect and admire is a mom of 4, who nursed all her babies, runs operations has 1,000 plus people under her. She kicks ass and takes names.

Yes, it is incredibly difficult to nurse your babies and work a demanding career. However, the hands free bra works wonders and with lots of organization and being blessed with a good supply, it can be done and often my male colleagues are in amazement at how many hats I wear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP, sorry, wrote too fast.

What I meant to say is that it's an interesting question, to compare the impact on society of these two things: 1. the benefits, health and cognitive, of breastfeeding, vs. 2. the detriment to society of women of all that missed productivity and diminished professional opportunity?

And when the girls who benefitted from being breastfed grow up and hit all the roadblocks society puts up for women, would it have been more beneficial to them if their mothers hadn't breastfed and had, instead, made more professional progress?

I'm sorry, I just don't see what one has to do with the other.

[Anonymous]

PP: You have been very lucky, particularly with your mentor and her support.

There are many careers where this just isn't possible though, so I don't think it's an idiotic point.

I'm thinking about scientists, for example, and a long interview I heard with Carol Greider (Nobel Prize for Medicine). Despite her success, she talked a lot about how few women there are in science and how so many drop out post-doc because it's just so hard to have a family and do the work at the same time.

It made me think of all the potential contributions to society that are lost because women drop out of the process.

And it's a vicious cycle because then there are fewer women mentors for the next generation of girls.

So I think it's quite provocative to pose the question: what if a cadre of women had chosen not to breastfeed so that they could stay at work longer and pave the way for future careers in science for more women? Would that sacrifice be a net plus for society as a whole?

I think the point is, to me, that it doesn't have to be so all or nothing. Some women can choose to formula feed and their contributions to their children and to society might be just as beneficial.

[Anonymous]

Again, how does breastfeeding mean you need to drop out of the process. Is "breastfeeding" shorthand for something else? I fed the babies when I was with them, pumped twice at work and once before bed. I understand that some workplaces are not as accomodating and I think that the more truly feminist stance is to push for laws making it easier for working moms to pump so that they really have a choice. Breastfeeding was not popular in the 70s when things were much more difficult for women, to set it up as some kind of strawman now (a favorite device of HR), like the foot of the BABY is on the neck of women seems silly.

[Anonymous]

New poster here. PP, I agree and think it is an interesting point and one that is often overlooked.

[Anonymous]

I think HR's point wasn't that you shouldn't breastfeed, but that it's a legitimate choice not to, and that groups like La Leche League create unnecessary guilt and bad feelings between groups of women who've made disparate choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I SAH during maternity leave, I NEVER read the paper and I felt bad about it.

But I get what the author is saying, and I don't think when she said, "dumb" she meant "stupid" -- I think she meant that she didn't want to give away that she was a WOHM.

Once (during maternity leave) a group of SAHMs asked me out for a girl's night out. Things were moving along swimmingly, until I revealed that I would be heading back to work soon. The change in demeanor was instantaneous. Nobody ever asked me out again, and when I even took off work to take my child to play groups, I was virtually ignored. So if I were to do it all again, I might have "played dumb" as well.

Ok, but did you ever watch the news or read online?

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2009/04/the-case-against-breast-feeding/7311/