Wife not accepting my daughter how can I handle this situation

[Anonymous]

OP you are being totally insensitive. This isn’t what your wife signed up for. Have you tried having empathy.? Have you thought of ways to ease the transition and make you wife feel less uncomfortable

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How does your daughter treat your wife?

Is she rude to your wife?

Did your wife complain about the daughters behavior or manners early on and if so how did you respond?

I suspect we are missing something.

Given how messed up your daughter is, it’s very possible that she is manipulative and nice to your wife to your face but horrible behind your back.

Lol.
Op just said he is at home and can see the interactions.

So untrue. When my husbands family said mean things it was always when he was out of the room.

Was moving the daughter into the home a joint decision???

He’s really on the ball and sees everything....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You were estranged from your kid and your wife thought that would continue. Now this child that wasn't around at all is around all of the time and she is mad about it. You chose a dud the second go-round as you did the first time and you should divorce and stay single.

she’s probably pissed because she sees through this all as well. Divorced dad, kid out of the picture, dating and marriage.

And then WHAM!!! Kid is not healthy, kid is 24/7 in their home, and no one knows anything authentic about each other. Real $hit$how.

[Anonymous]

Kid is not healthy and never was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you haven't given any reasons as to why your wife is angry with you. Unless you blindsided her and moved your daughter in without her approval.

If my DH moved a family member into our home with consulting me you bet I'd be mad. Have you tried counseling with your wife to resolve the issues? A lot cheaper, and when you daughter
graduates she can go to college which will solve your problem. Your wife isn't angry for no reason, obviously she's said something....

My thought too that this problem will resolve itself in a year when DD moves out. Surely you guys can come up with a tolerable arrangement for one year.

You think a 17 yo with recent suicidal ideation and intermittent estrangement from *both* parents is waltzing off to UPenn next year? Folks she’s on Dad’s couch indefinitely. Second wife knows this and is understandably in full on wtf mode. I won’t even wade into how OP’s daughter got there; the question is about OP’s wife’s reaction. And it’s legit. You think OP sold his situation as a “maybe DD will live with us one day” scenario to this lady? Now she’s got a fragile teen in the house 24/7. Say what you will, but this lady didn’t sign up for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kid is not healthy and never was.

Ok sounds like 2nd wife has her claws out. He is that teen’s Dad and future Grandfather of her future children. He needs to boot Claws out. This will be multigenerational.

[Anonymous]

We actually don’t k ie what the new wife is angry about nor do we have any examples.

op likes to play the victim. It hasn’t served him well over the decades though. He’s in deep denial.

[Anonymous]

Children come first

[Anonymous]

Yeeks, OP. Your life will fall back in place if DD can get her stuff together and move along. I'd let wife know she will only be in the home another couple years, list all the crap she is doing to get her head right and see if you can hang in/want to hang in with wife.

Children come first- but this whole situation could be life-long if she can't get it together and everyone deserves happiness. Be sure you are setting firm boundaries- with everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you haven't given any reasons as to why your wife is angry with you. Unless you blindsided her and moved your daughter in without her approval.

If my DH moved a family member into our home with consulting me you bet I'd be mad. Have you tried counseling with your wife to resolve the issues? A lot cheaper, and when you daughter
graduates she can go to college which will solve your problem. Your wife isn't angry for no reason, obviously she's said something....

It’s his kid and she was in an unstable situation. If you’d be “mad,” you’d be wrong.

Don’t marry people with minor children. Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you are being totally insensitive. This isn’t what your wife signed up for. Have you tried having empathy.? Have you thought of ways to ease the transition and make you wife feel less uncomfortable

Yes, it is what she signed up for. Custody of minor children is not permanently set in stone. Don’t marry guys with kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There seems to be a pattern of your own making here, OP. Why do keep marrying monsters?

Tell your wife that your daughter will always come first, no matter what. That she is free to leave you or stay, but if she stays, she has to love and nurture your child.

Also, how is your daughter doing, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can guarantee what is going on.

You bend over backwards to treat your DD with kid gloves to make up for lost time and because you feel guilty for all the years you didn’t really try all that hard to see her and for making her leave the only home she knew.

Go ahead divorce: But you will date again and the next woman will find you run into similar issues. It will be rinse and repeat.

This was my thought. The 17yr old is probably different when you weren't around. She probably puts blame on the second wife.

I work at home so I'm always around. Daughter doesn't complain about 2nd wife at all. Daughter mostly avoids here and stays in her room when wife is home. Wife is the one that complains to me. Its not what you are suggesting.

The next time your DD wants something say No and don’t cave. No matter how much whining or crying or guilting. Then see how quiet and “she stays in her room” happens 😂😂 Your DD resents you but see how easily she can manipulate with guilt and she is right. So she takes her anger out on your wife and is nasty towards your wife and makes sure to do it when you aren’t around. Do you honestly think your story is unique? I have seen this happen in friend’s families.

The problem is you are so arrogant that you actually believe you and your home are so amazing that you have not even stopped to think about it from your 17 yr old DD’s perspective. Here you are some stranger who didn’t even bother to try to hard when she was a kid and left everything on her mom. And she didn’t try and commit quicker because of her mom. Then when DD needed support you decided to swoop in and play hero and take her mom to court. Now DD has had to move to a new house and it’s not her “home”. Her home is where her bedroom is where she grew up. Her home is where her friends are. Stop being so arrogant and start realizing your view and your opinion are all that matter.

I am not on your wife’s side but I am just struck by how oblivious and dumb you are acting. Your DD is not perfect, your wife is not a monster and you are guilt ridden. Again you can get a divorce but your next relationship will run into the same issue, and the next relationship after that, and so on until you pay attention.

Jesus. What kind of sh!tty parent says no to their child just to prove a point and then laughs about it??

OP don’t listen to this psycho.

Agree. Children in this situation are not capable of manipulation and should not be judged by any standard. It is a cry for help.

Oh please - no she is not a “child”

And do you truly believe that a 17 yr old has no idea how to manipulate ? Are you really that dumb?

The problem with so many posters is they are responding based on their own situations of in tact family and I can tell have little kids because the response read like something parents of little kids would write.

The problem is OP and he needs to get himself together. I have no doubts at all that he has come to realize parenting wasn’t easy and that his DD has exactly the issues his ex-wife said she did. Except OP spent years blaming her and believing the issue was his ex wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you haven't given any reasons as to why your wife is angry with you. Unless you blindsided her and moved your daughter in without her approval.

If my DH moved a family member into our home with consulting me you bet I'd be mad. Have you tried counseling with your wife to resolve the issues? A lot cheaper, and when you daughter
graduates she can go to college which will solve your problem. Your wife isn't angry for no reason, obviously she's said something....

My thought too that this problem will resolve itself in a year when DD moves out. Surely you guys can come up with a tolerable arrangement for one year.

You think a 17 yo with recent suicidal ideation and intermittent estrangement from *both* parents is waltzing off to UPenn next year? Folks she’s on Dad’s couch indefinitely. Second wife knows this and is understandably in full on wtf mode. I won’t even wade into how OP’s daughter got there; the question is about OP’s wife’s reaction. And it’s legit. You think OP sold his situation as a “maybe DD will live with us one day” scenario to this lady? Now she’s got a fragile teen in the house 24/7. Say what you will, but this lady didn’t sign up for that.

Prob not U Penn but maybe community College and they get her an apartment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you haven't given any reasons as to why your wife is angry with you. Unless you blindsided her and moved your daughter in without her approval.

If my DH moved a family member into our home with consulting me you bet I'd be mad. Have you tried counseling with your wife to resolve the issues? A lot cheaper, and when you daughter
graduates she can go to college which will solve your problem. Your wife isn't angry for no reason, obviously she's said something....

My thought too that this problem will resolve itself in a year when DD moves out. Surely you guys can come up with a tolerable arrangement for one year.

You think a 17 yo with recent suicidal ideation and intermittent estrangement from *both* parents is waltzing off to UPenn next year? Folks she’s on Dad’s couch indefinitely. Second wife knows this and is understandably in full on wtf mode. I won’t even wade into how OP’s daughter got there; the question is about OP’s wife’s reaction. And it’s legit. You think OP sold his situation as a “maybe DD will live with us one day” scenario to this lady? Now she’s got a fragile teen in the house 24/7. Say what you will, but this lady didn’t sign up for that.

Totally this! Kid is not a healthy kid going off to college next year.