Wife not accepting my daughter how can I handle this situation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'll go against the grain and suggest a different approach. Your DD is 17 so she should be largely self-sufficient, it's not like a toddler that needs constant supervision. Could you set it up so that your daughter comes to you for everything (rides to wherever, you prepare meals to the extent that is necessary, etc.) so she's basically co-existing with your DW with minimal interaction. I get it that's not ideal but would something like that work? Then your DW can do what she needs to do and wouldn't feel burdened by the child. IMO aside from this large issue if things are good with the DW I wouldn't throw it away if there is a viable solution to get through the next year after which presumably your DD will go off to college.

Also, how does the conversation go with your current DW, what does she say are her issues with the current arrangement? Can you resolve any of them?

Sounds like the daughter already avoids the wife by hiding in her room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can guarantee what is going on.

You bend over backwards to treat your DD with kid gloves to make up for lost time and because you feel guilty for all the years you didn’t really try all that hard to see her and for making her leave the only home she knew.

Go ahead divorce: But you will date again and the next woman will find you run into similar issues. It will be rinse and repeat.

This was my thought. The 17yr old is probably different when you weren't around. She probably puts blame on the second wife.

I work at home so I'm always around. Daughter doesn't complain about 2nd wife at all. Daughter mostly avoids here and stays in her room when wife is home. Wife is the one that complains to me. Its not what you are suggesting.

The next time your DD wants something say No and don’t cave. No matter how much whining or crying or guilting. Then see how quiet and “she stays in her room” happens 😂😂 Your DD resents you but see how easily she can manipulate with guilt and she is right. So she takes her anger out on your wife and is nasty towards your wife and makes sure to do it when you aren’t around. Do you honestly think your story is unique? I have seen this happen in friend’s families.

The problem is you are so arrogant that you actually believe you and your home are so amazing that you have not even stopped to think about it from your 17 yr old DD’s perspective. Here you are some stranger who didn’t even bother to try to hard when she was a kid and left everything on her mom. And she didn’t try and commit quicker because of her mom. Then when DD needed support you decided to swoop in and play hero and take her mom to court. Now DD has had to move to a new house and it’s not her “home”. Her home is where her bedroom is where she grew up. Her home is where her friends are. Stop being so arrogant and start realizing your view and your opinion are all that matter.

I am not on your wife’s side but I am just struck by how oblivious and dumb you are acting. Your DD is not perfect, your wife is not a monster and you are guilt ridden. Again you can get a divorce but your next relationship will run into the same issue, and the next relationship after that, and so on until you pay attention.

Jesus. What kind of sh!tty parent says no to their child just to prove a point and then laughs about it??

OP don’t listen to this psycho.

[Anonymous]

OP, you have been given lots of good advice here and to sum it up:

Divorce your wife. Immediately. Go to a lawyer today and file. There is absolutely no discussion needed. Your daughter will need you for the rest of her life.

Do not engage in any further relationships until you are sure your daughter (no matter her age) is 100% healthy and happy and has fully recovered psychologically from all the damage you and this stepmonster have caused her.

If it takes decades for your daughter to get to that stage so be it. You should provide a home and sustenance to her until she does.

You gave up your right to have a relationship (marriage or not) once you became a parent. Deal with it like an adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you have been given lots of good advice here and to sum it up:

Divorce your wife. Immediately. Go to a lawyer today and file. There is absolutely no discussion needed. Your daughter will need you for the rest of her life.

Do not engage in any further relationships until you are sure your daughter (no matter her age) is 100% healthy and happy and has fully recovered psychologically from all the damage you and this stepmonster have caused her.

If it takes decades for your daughter to get to that stage so be it. You should provide a home and sustenance to her until she does.

You gave up your right to have a relationship (marriage or not) once you became a parent. Deal with it like an adult.

Wanted to add that the repercussions of this will remain with your DD for the rest of her life. Even if she has long periods where she appears to be well, this experience WILL rear its head again and she will need you to support her no matter her stage of life. You must be 100% free in order to do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can guarantee what is going on.

You bend over backwards to treat your DD with kid gloves to make up for lost time and because you feel guilty for all the years you didn’t really try all that hard to see her and for making her leave the only home she knew.

Go ahead divorce: But you will date again and the next woman will find you run into similar issues. It will be rinse and repeat.

This was my thought. The 17yr old is probably different when you weren't around. She probably puts blame on the second wife.

I work at home so I'm always around. Daughter doesn't complain about 2nd wife at all. Daughter mostly avoids here and stays in her room when wife is home. Wife is the one that complains to me. Its not what you are suggesting.

The next time your DD wants something say No and don’t cave. No matter how much whining or crying or guilting. Then see how quiet and “she stays in her room” happens 😂😂 Your DD resents you but see how easily she can manipulate with guilt and she is right. So she takes her anger out on your wife and is nasty towards your wife and makes sure to do it when you aren’t around. Do you honestly think your story is unique? I have seen this happen in friend’s families.

The problem is you are so arrogant that you actually believe you and your home are so amazing that you have not even stopped to think about it from your 17 yr old DD’s perspective. Here you are some stranger who didn’t even bother to try to hard when she was a kid and left everything on her mom. And she didn’t try and commit quicker because of her mom. Then when DD needed support you decided to swoop in and play hero and take her mom to court. Now DD has had to move to a new house and it’s not her “home”. Her home is where her bedroom is where she grew up. Her home is where her friends are. Stop being so arrogant and start realizing your view and your opinion are all that matter.

I am not on your wife’s side but I am just struck by how oblivious and dumb you are acting. Your DD is not perfect, your wife is not a monster and you are guilt ridden. Again you can get a divorce but your next relationship will run into the same issue, and the next relationship after that, and so on until you pay attention.

Jesus. What kind of sh!tty parent says no to their child just to prove a point and then laughs about it??

OP don’t listen to this psycho.

Agree. Children in this situation are not capable of manipulation and should not be judged by any standard. It is a cry for help.

[Anonymous]

It is not fair to put your daughter through this very unfair treatment.

You are her Father, her advocate.

Divorce your 2ND wife.
Her insane jealousy will negatively impact your daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How does your daughter treat your wife?

Is she rude to your wife?

Did your wife complain about the daughters behavior or manners early on and if so how did you respond?

I suspect we are missing something.

Given how messed up your daughter is, it’s very possible that she is manipulative and nice to your wife to your face but horrible behind your back.

Lol.
Op just said he is at home and can see the interactions.

So untrue. When my husbands family said mean things it was always when he was out of the room.

Was moving the daughter into the home a joint decision???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How does your daughter treat your wife?

Is she rude to your wife?

Did your wife complain about the daughters behavior or manners early on and if so how did you respond?

I suspect we are missing something.

Given how messed up your daughter is, it’s very possible that she is manipulative and nice to your wife to your face but horrible behind your back.

Lol.
Op just said he is at home and can see the interactions.

So untrue. When my husbands family said mean things it was always when he was out of the room.

Was moving the daughter into the home a joint decision???

Joint decision?

It was a court order!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How does your daughter treat your wife?

Is she rude to your wife?

Did your wife complain about the daughters behavior or manners early on and if so how did you respond?

I suspect we are missing something.

Given how messed up your daughter is, it’s very possible that she is manipulative and nice to your wife to your face but horrible behind your back.

Lol.
Op just said he is at home and can see the interactions.

So untrue. When my husbands family said mean things it was always when he was out of the room.

Was moving the daughter into the home a joint decision???

Joint decision?

It was a court order!!!

He was estranged from the daughter the entire time he was with his wife. Then abruptly he files for full custody and basically moves a stranger into their home.

My question is: OP was the full custody a joint decision?? What was the feedback from your wife at the time?

[Anonymous]

OP you haven't given any reasons as to why your wife is angry with you. Unless you blindsided her and moved your daughter in without her approval.

If my DH moved a family member into our home with consulting me you bet I'd be mad. Have you tried counseling with your wife to resolve the issues? A lot cheaper, and when you daughter
graduates she can go to college which will solve your problem. Your wife isn't angry for no reason, obviously she's said something....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Divorce. Be glad you see her true colors so soon. Why do you keep getting involved with these types of women? I would find a therapist to talk through it.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you haven't given any reasons as to why your wife is angry with you. Unless you blindsided her and moved your daughter in without her approval.

If my DH moved a family member into our home with consulting me you bet I'd be mad. Have you tried counseling with your wife to resolve the issues? A lot cheaper, and when you daughter
graduates she can go to college which will solve your problem. Your wife isn't angry for no reason, obviously she's said something....

My thought too that this problem will resolve itself in a year when DD moves out. Surely you guys can come up with a tolerable arrangement for one year.

[Anonymous]

Shocked by the posters claiming that teenagers at this age and in this situation don’t manipulate.

Seriously?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Shocked by the posters claiming that teenagers at this age and in this situation don’t manipulate.

Seriously?!

I worked with families, they do it as young as 2 lol. The bottom line is as a married couple it would need to be a united decision to move anyone into their home.

He didn't really know his own daughter, yet is surprised at the turmoil going on inside the home. I find it incredulous he claims not to know why his wife is angry.

[Anonymous]

You were estranged from your kid and your wife thought that would continue. Now this child that wasn't around at all is around all of the time and she is mad about it. You chose a dud the second go-round as you did the first time and you should divorce and stay single.