Wife not accepting my daughter how can I handle this situation
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Anonymous
How old is the daughter? 15? 25? |
Anonymous
17 |
Anonymous
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Divorce her immediately
Your daughters life (literally) depends on it |
Anonymous
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This is so extreme that I'm really wondering about you OP. Did you do the work to help your daughter and your current wife build a positive relationship? Did you, at any point, indicate to your current wife that there was a possibility that your daughter might end up living with you full time -- even as an option? If you didn't do these things, and your current wife was led to believe that it would be just the two of you in your household for the most part, and you changed things without warning, then this makes sense. It's not kind, it's not mature, and it's not appropriate, but it does make sense. I'm thinking that you too might have been less than kind, mature and appropriate in the way that you've handled things. You've described one "old trope". There are others. One possibility is that the "crazy" comes from you. That you're repeatedly setting up untenable situations for others to deal with -- and started calling them out when they can't. Question: If your daughter has a therapist, why are you asking a bunch of anonymous people on a chat board where the "crazy" in your life comes from? And why do you describe it as though you had no responsibility for any of it -- or even involvement?
I agree that your daughter should be your priority over your second wife. I also agree that individual and family therapy would be a good idea. But I notice that you don't mention your daughter's age, your wife's age, what they might or might not have in common, or anything at all that you might have done to facilitate forming a family or even positive interactions between your daughter and your current wife. You're not describing either one of them as individuals, and you seem to have little empathy or fondness for anyone in the midst of this disarray. |
Anonymous
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I can guarantee what is going on.
You bend over backwards to treat your DD with kid gloves to make up for lost time and because you feel guilty for all the years you didn’t really try all that hard to see her and for making her leave the only home she knew. Go ahead divorce: But you will date again and the next woman will find you run into similar issues. It will be rinse and repeat. |
Anonymous
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Focus on your daughter right now. She needs you.
Child of divorce who was fortunate to have loving stepparents |
Anonymous
Nope. You are very wrong. |
Anonymous
| Divorce her. How is this a question? Your poor daughter. Hopefully she can escape all this dysfunction when she goes to college |
Anonymous
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She married you when you were essentially childless. She expected one life, and now she’s living in another. A divorce is probably the best thing you can give her now based on her actions.
For reference, my DH had a daughter that the mother took to another state (they were never married and the state that did the child support/custody agreement was not interested in helping him). He didn’t see her or have any communication between ages 8-11. Then, he finds a news article about them being homeless and living in a car while he’s continuing to pay $1000/month. After a drawn out legal battle, mom is deemed unfit and daughter is returned to him. There were 4 years between when we got married and when he got custody of her, so I had 4 years to be married to a man who had no child obligations beyond child support and we were planning to start our own family. Fortunately, I love kids and had always been open to fostering/adopting, and I never forgot that he was a dad and that this was a possibility. We now have a nice blended family and are doing well. So, get rid of the second wife, raise your daughter to adulthood while dating if you’d like, then consider getting remarried after daughter is grown. |
Anonymous
| Your daughter has to be number one in your life. Cut your second wife loose and don’t date until your daughter turns 18. Your daughter needs you. |
Anonymous
You are so disgustingly presumptuous. |
Anonymous
| You are the common denominator, OP. |
Anonymous
| Divorce |
Anonymous
| My father's 2nd wife didn't like me either, and that marriage didn't last long. I didn't live with them either. Your daughter comes first and it's got to be a huge turn off to see this woman this way towards your daughter. This just can't work. |
Anonymous
| You need to involve some really good psychologist(s). You have one broken marriage that end in total disaster, a completely broken relationship with your daughter, and your a suicidal daughter at that. You have now thrown your daughter, who is obviously unstable, into a very bad home situation. And you are heading toward another disastrous end to a marriage. You need to find out why you are a such a disaster with relationships, and perhaps the person who helps you (and your daughter) with that will help you figure out how to deal with your new wife. |