Wife not accepting my daughter how can I handle this situation

[Anonymous]

2nd marriage (she isn't an AP...) I was single for about 5 years after the divorce before I met 2nd wife. Married 2nd wife 7 years after the divorce. At the time I was estranged from my daughter because 1st wife wouldn't follow court ordered parenting agreement (I'd show up at appointed time and she wouldn't answer door, and court and police would not enforce the order). Eventually everything I told the judge would happen did happen (daughter tried suicide and hospital wouldn't let her go home to mom) so I got a different judge to give me full custody (it took that extreme situation for the court to listen).

Daughter moved in last year and 2nd wife has turned into a raging monster towards me and has given my daughter the silent treatment the whole time. Daughter is doing much better with me even with 2nd wifes behavior. 2nd wife seemed to be jealous of my daughter but that has turned into outright anger towards me. I'm considering divorce over it. I've spoken to daughter therapist about it and he says to dump the 2nd wife.

It is such an old trope (evil step mom) and I don't understand why she can't (doesn't want to be nice) to my kid. She is irrational about it at times and says crazy stuff like "this was your ex's plan all along to keep me from being happy"

Is there anyone out there who can explain where this crazy comes from? I guess I'd prefer to "fix" the problem rather than go through what I'm sure will be a nasty second divorce.

[Anonymous]

Divorce her

[Anonymous]

A friend of mine went through this. Turns out she had a personality disorder and really went downhill. Alcoholic, broke things in the house, tried to harm people, attempted suicide, had to call the cops multiple times.

You can try counseling but honestly anyone who is jealous of a child has major issues. Divorce now before it gets worse.

[Anonymous]

I think we're in fairytale land again.

[Anonymous]

There seems to be a pattern of your own making here, OP. Why do keep marrying monsters?

Tell your wife that your daughter will always come first, no matter what. That she is free to leave you or stay, but if she stays, she has to love and nurture your child.

Also, how is your daughter doing, OP?

[Anonymous]

You seem to have terrible taste in women. Divorce this one and don't get into another serious relationship until your daughter is healthy, stable, and out of the house.

[Anonymous]

Divorce. Be glad you see her true colors so soon. Why do you keep getting involved with these types of women? I would find a therapist to talk through it.

[Anonymous]

Dump your wife. She's revealed who she really is. Relationship with DD paramount

Do it fast, and as surgical and drama free as.possible.

[Anonymous]

Kick the 2nd wife out and never remarry again. Do this ASAP. And I'm just curious as to how young your 2nd wife is?

[Anonymous]

Do you and your Second wife have kids?

IF not it doesn't have to be messy.

Just to quibble, Give her whatever she wants, for the health and safety of your daughter.

I also agree that you need to get into therapy and avoid relationships for a long time.

[Anonymous]

as others have said, it seems to you marry horrid POS. first time could be a mistake but 2 out of 2 is not. I would divorce and then find a therapist who can help you understand your behavior so you don't end up with POS #3. or maybe next time live together without marriage

[Anonymous]

Same reason some step dads are more likely to mistreat or abuse step children. No blood connection, no emotional bond. Obviously not true for all but definitely a factor in remarriage and seems very likely in your case.

Add other personality or moral issues and you have the situation you find yourself in. I'd guess you didn't vet her ability to love and accept children who aren't hers before you married her did you.

[Anonymous]

If you are for real, you separate.

[Anonymous]

I think marriage is a big deal and don’t think divorce is frequently the right answer. But your situation? Divorce right away. Your wife sounds selfish and mean. This is not salvageable (nor should you want to stay with someone who is further traumatizing your daughter who has already been through so much). How old is your daughter?

You might also think about therapy for you and why you keep picking total disasters for life partners.

[Anonymous]

OP I am so sorry you are going through this.

Your daughter comes first. Truly. As a parent if I had a suicidal child I would know that. I am assuming your wife has no children. As a mother of 3 I know that.

That your wife does not see this is the deciding issue.
She is not a kind person.

Any normal person would see this.