Teen Dating Age Gaps??
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Anonymous
+1 I dated a 18 year old who had just graduated HS when I was 14. My parents made me take a friend or younger sister with us when we went out. |
Anonymous
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I would tell his parents. I would want to know if my 17 year old was dating a 14 year old.
We would be having a long talk. No way would he be throwing away college and his future with potential legal trouble. Talk to them, they'll end it for you. |
Anonymous
Your parents failed you. |
Anonymous
| setting aside the how is this even possible (from a logistical standpoint during a pandemic), I think you should focus on where you are now. she has told you now so it seems likely to me that before now she felt like she could handle the situation/relationship and now she may be seeking some level of guidance/help. it may that she was ready for the relationship up to now, but it may be about to progress to a level she isn't comfortable with. can you talk to her about why she told you now, how she is feeling about the boy, how she is feeling about the relationship, etc. he may in fact be a great kid (see me trying to reserve judgment), but she may just not be ready for things he is ready for, etc. and may on some level want to end the relationship because of that and doesn't know how to do so. if you don't think you can handle this conversation without backing her into a corner, etc. (which, in all honesty, I am not sure I would be able to do so with my 14 year old), can you suggest having her do 1-2 sessions with a counselor? again, I would couch it as -- checking in with an adult you can trust, but who won't necessarily have the same automatically negative reactions that you may have . . . just an idea. This is a tough situation. I would not be comfortable with the middle school to high school gap, but unfortunately given where you are, I am not sure automatically ending things through parental intervention gets you to the healthiest long term outcome . . . |
Anonymous
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Not couple not 18, I would get in touch with the other parents. For an ordinary age-gap it's just to introduce yourselves. You have the young man over for dinner. That is often a deal-breaker for a young man. It's a simple thing but they won't do it. They'd rather break-up than do it. Even if the evening was going to be very relaxed, without any kind of pressure. They don't know that and it freaks them out. And it often ends it.
Re other parents, of course you might find parents who won't talk to you, but that wasn't our experience. We were loosely in touch - had each other's cell numbers. We appreciated that they shared info such as parents going out of town, teenager left at home alone. In your case Op, it's an immediate concern. His family ought to be concerned re: the near-illegality of this relationship, if after a few more monthe, it goes too far. |
Anonymous
You're a terrible human being so your parents failed YOU. Or maybe you failed them. |
Anonymous
I don't encourage minors to date adults and encourage people to bring younger siblings around adults who date children. Your parents failed in this situation. Maybe you got out unscathed but you should not be encouraging parents to allow their 14 year olds to date 18 year olds. |
Anonymous
What's with the "three beautiful children" business. What if they had three ugly children? Would it be a less successful union then? |
Anonymous
Hell, no. That age gap is too big for those particular ages. If he turns 18 than your daughter is a minor and he could be in big trouble if they have sex. |
Anonymous
I trust my kids, its the other kids I don't trust. |
Anonymous
| When I was a (young) freshman, I dated a junior. Two years to the day older than me. My parents were extremely strict but let us date (this was in the 90’s). We ended up together for 6 years through most of college so I’m sympathetic to OP’s daughter. However the middle school factor is the issue for me. I wouldn’t be comfortable with my daughter dating someone in high school when she is in middle school. Same for my son if roles were reversed. |
Anonymous
| Guess what folks this isn't the 80s or the 90s anymore. Laws have changed and are a lot more strict. Your kid's future could be damned because you think it's cute for a 17/18-year-old to date a 14 year old because you did it in 1992. |
Anonymous
Would you feel the same if she was a 14 yr old freshman dating a 17 yard old junior? |
Anonymous
| If they are in Virginia, the 17 year old would be committing statutory rape if he had sex with a 14 year old because he is more than 2 years older. Once over 18, anyone under 18 is off limits. |
Anonymous
Your kid having sex or not has nothing to do with you trusting them. The legal trouble your kid could be in has nothing to do wit you trusting them. |