WWYD Son’s BFF had suicide attempt a few months ago mom wants me to have him at our house for a week

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're angry at them for asking?
This comes up all the time. Angry for being asked
Yes, this is an extremely unique situation, a situation you should decline
but DCUM is full of adults who don't seem capable of saying "no"
And instead just want to be mad that they were asked

I’m angry about the situation on several fronts. Long standing history of their ignoring their son and his mental health. I’ve always tried to help as best I can and don’t want to hurt him but I do think they should either take him or stay home. In terms of respite, that’s not the issue. They aren’t tuned in and “see no problem” that’s the issue.

I hate to say this but you aren't going to change them and he got the bad lot in parents which is probably part of the mental health issues. They should take him or stay home, no question but that's not the plan and they aren't going to change. So, if you say no, they go anyway, what happens to this kid. By taking him, you could do a life time of good. (but I would be very worried about liability if he tried it again).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m trying to imagine it from the parents’ perspective. Maybe they’re at their breaking point and simply need some time to come up for air. After all, many of us are exhausted by this pandemic experience let alone such a frightening and unrelenting worry.

Still, though, a week is too long, and this is something to ask a relative, not a friend.

I like the advice you got upthread - get medical POA, you hold onto the medications, check-ins with therapist every 2-3 days. I too would be afraid if I said no that this young man would be left alone or who knows. You’re a good person to consider doing this for him, OP.

No!!! WTF?!?!!

My sisters oldest ended up in-patient and they didn’t leave him alone for a long time. The last thing they would have felt like doing was going on vacation. Most normal loving parents would not abandon the kid.

Pp you responded to. There’s absolutely no way in hell I would ever do this if my kid were struggling with mental health issues. I was just trying to imagine what these people possibly could be thinking. Anyway OP has now clarified they don’t need respite, they just feel like going on a vacation. It’s harm to fathom.

This kid has mental health issues, partly because of the parents behavior. They aren't going to change. If someone doesn't agree, they will probably just leave him home alone. People like them are why this pandemic rages on and the reason why some kids struggle. Most kids don't have it turn into mental health issues, but they act up, party and other things as their needs are not met at home. I'd probably take the kid hoping to make a slight difference in their future but the risks really concern me. I wouldn't leave my teen or child at home for a parent vacation so I don't get why others do. Maybe if you had grandparents, but we don't have that.

[Anonymous]

It isn't the same thing, but I had a friend who attempted suicide, was diagnosed with BPD, and whose husband then filed for divorce and told her she couldn't return to their family home and could only see the kids with supervised visits. She had a ton of resources--all the therapies money could buy, a strong family behind her, but this was her husband's line in the sand and he would not relent.

At one point she begged me to let her move in with us--she was so lonely living alone, she said, and she just wanted the company. I turned her down because I realized as much as I sympathized, maybe even empathized with her situation, I didn't trust her not to jump out a window and I didn't want to expose my own child to the risk of that trauma.

It's a decision that will always haunt me because a year later she did kill herself. I don't think I could have stopped it--obviously--or even helped, but I might have had more time with my friend.

[Anonymous]

I have not read through the entire thread, but as the parent of a previously suicidal teen ( 3 years ago), I can say the emotions, while stronger/more intense than what we experience as an adult, are also fleeting; they do not last as long.

In adults, getting to the suicidal depressions can take months or more. In kids, who have a feeling of permanence of emotions (how I am feeling now is how I will always feel), they get there quicker. But it passes quicker.

That is a long way of saying it may not be a big deal. I would have a long talk with the parents, make sure you have legal rights to authorize medical treatment if required; etc. But the risk of action could be quite low. It is possible the week away from the parents will do him good.

[Anonymous]

PP upthread - his parents are likely mentally ill too since it runs in families. At the very least someone is a narcissist.

[Anonymous]

I would let him stay at your house. He's probably having a tough time with those parents. It could be life changing for him, even though it will be stressful for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would let him stay at your house. He's probably having a tough time with those parents. It could be life changing for him, even though it will be stressful for you.

+1 At first I was thinking THEY may need a respite but the more I read it seems like HE may need a respite.

[Anonymous]

I would call CPS and be done with them.

[Anonymous]

If you decline, they'll just find someone else to send him to, right? May as well be present for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would call CPS and be done with them.

How would that help?

[Anonymous]

If you are in the DC area, I highly recommend this group which could provide respite care. https://www.dccrcc.com/index.html
Capital Region's Children's Center

If it were me, I would say that it is just too soon. I would also challenge them by asking what does his psychiatrist say and why aren't they asking for he/she to arrange respite care for them. (I understand they are crazy, but this is too much.)

If they want a vacation, they need to be sure their son is safe and I would tell them that I would be willing to have him come over or visit, but they need to work with his doctor.

And if they don't make arrangements through the doctor, I would call the psychiatrist and report this request made to you. It will end the relationship, but they need to step up.

[Anonymous]

It's 7 months later, what ended up happening OP? What is the latest with all involved now and most importantly, how is your son's BFF doing?

[Anonymous]

No thanks. Thanks is she serious?