WWYD Son’s BFF had suicide attempt a few months ago mom wants me to have him at our house for a week

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it could be fine depending on what kind of treatment he's gotten and how he's doing. I am assuming the parents would not ask if the kid were in crisis.

For comparison my kid and my friend's kid both had mental health crises a few months ago and both kids have been in treatment, are on medication, and are doing OK now. It just depends.

The parents display a total lack of judgement to A. be traveling long distance on vacation during a pandemic and B. leaving their recently suicide attempting child so they can go on vacation during a pandemic.

So no, your assumption is extremely faulty.

This.

If they want to go on vacation, they do so separately. One of them stays with the kid or within an emergency trip away. For the people insisting the OP deal with a non-family member's hospitalization because the kid's own parents won't - hell no.

Call CPS if they're so neglectful.

I have a child with a life-long incurable disease that requires 24/7 care. His disease is not simple to manage so despite having actual respite care provided by insurance we don't leave home without him.

Why would mental health issues be any different?

[Anonymous]

I cannot believe the selfishness. I have a teen with mental health concerns we would never dream of doing this. Not to mention the pandemic. I feel terrible for the young boy. You sign up for the very hard with kids sometimes. It’s just what good parents do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:God forbid the kid kills himself in your home, in your son's bedroom. Is your son going to feel responsible? Is he ever going to be able to sleep in his bedroom again?

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would take him and keep them at home, with a close eye and lots of love. A few months is pretty big in terms of suicide risk. I would require a medical power of attorney and rights to speak with the therapist.

And the kid needs to check in with his therapist every 2-3 days, just to make sure it’s okay.

This and you hang on to all medications.

Belts are non-prescription.

OP, do not agree to this. If they need support and respite you can do that for X hours at a time. What they are asking is unthinkable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here vacation for the parents. They are 16 , the boys. He is close to me but I’m angry at them I guess I don’t want him to think it’s because of him

Have you discussed the suicide attempt openly with the parents?

They are asking you to take on parental duties for a week for a kid that may or may not be actively ill. Think of it that way. If the kid had mono, or cancer under treatment, or Type I diabetes, you'd want to know exactly what was expected of you. (And maybe the conversation would jolt the parents into reality).

I guess I wouldn't say no outright. I'd ask them to meet to talk about it and start the meeting with, "We are very concerned about Larlo's suicide attempt 3 months ago and need a lot more information before we make a decision."

[Anonymous]

You're angry at them for asking?
This comes up all the time. Angry for being asked
Yes, this is an extremely unique situation, a situation you should decline
but DCUM is full of adults who don't seem capable of saying "no"
And instead just want to be mad that they were asked

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're angry at them for asking?
This comes up all the time. Angry for being asked
Yes, this is an extremely unique situation, a situation you should decline
but DCUM is full of adults who don't seem capable of saying "no"
And instead just want to be mad that they were asked

I’m angry about the situation on several fronts. Long standing history of their ignoring their son and his mental health. I’ve always tried to help as best I can and don’t want to hurt him but I do think they should either take him or stay home. In terms of respite, that’s not the issue. They aren’t tuned in and “see no problem” that’s the issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So the parents can go out of town. The boy is close to us but still seems like a lot to take on. This isn’t first issue either. Thoughts?

No, you and your son are not equipped to address what this boy needs. His parents should handle his next steps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a son almost the same age and I think I would likely say yes, depending a bit on how close you and your son are to the boy. My thinking: parents are likely to go regardless, I can’t control that. Kid will be somewhere other than with his parents. Is my home a better place for him than the alternative? If he and my son are close, he knows me well, and I feel some level of confidence in my ability to be a good adult toward him, then I conclude my house is the right place for him given the choices, and I say yes.

This! I would never forgive myself if this kid were left home alone or in a space he didn’t feel safe. If he feels safe with you, it’s likely better than the alternative.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At least you can honestly tell the kid that it’s not him, it’s his parents.

+1. I'm not sure what I would do but except in an emergency and only one parent should go, there are probably reasons why this kid is suicidal. I would only agree if he had gotten mental health treatment, on medication and I could take him to therapy (or make him do it online). This kid needs someone to love him. However, this is insane to leave your suicidal kid when he needs you the most. The kid probably should be hospitalized if he hasn't.

+2 I think you need to ask to speak with the kid's therapist as a condition of agreeing. You need to know what s/he advises regarding relating to this poor young man. I agree with another poster that with the parents he has he probably would welcome any port in the storm; however, you need to be sure that you don't hit any triggers.

I think you would need to meet with both the parents and the therapist beforehand, and then separately with the therapist and friend to make a plan.

[Anonymous]

No. Hell. No. Reason? You don't want to house him, and you're asking Internet strangers for a way out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:God forbid the kid kills himself in your home, in your son's bedroom. Is your son going to feel responsible? Is he ever going to be able to sleep in his bedroom again?

This.

The kid won’t do that at his BFF’s house. However, his depression will be negatively impacted if he is rejected by his BFF’s family from staying with them. It is definitely crappy of the parents to leave him for a week and also expect someone else to care for him during a pandemic. OP should talk to the parents about the concerns.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m trying to imagine it from the parents’ perspective. Maybe they’re at their breaking point and simply need some time to come up for air. After all, many of us are exhausted by this pandemic experience let alone such a frightening and unrelenting worry.

Still, though, a week is too long, and this is something to ask a relative, not a friend.

I like the advice you got upthread - get medical POA, you hold onto the medications, check-ins with therapist every 2-3 days. I too would be afraid if I said no that this young man would be left alone or who knows. You’re a good person to consider doing this for him, OP.

No!!! WTF?!?!!

My sisters oldest ended up in-patient and they didn’t leave him alone for a long time. The last thing they would have felt like doing was going on vacation. Most normal loving parents would not abandon the kid.

Pp you responded to. There’s absolutely no way in hell I would ever do this if my kid were struggling with mental health issues. I was just trying to imagine what these people possibly could be thinking. Anyway OP has now clarified they don’t need respite, they just feel like going on a vacation. It’s harm to fathom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:God forbid the kid kills himself in your home, in your son's bedroom. Is your son going to feel responsible? Is he ever going to be able to sleep in his bedroom again?

This.

The kid won’t do that at his BFF’s house. However, his depression will be negatively impacted if he is rejected by his BFF’s family from staying with them. It is definitely crappy of the parents to leave him for a week and also expect someone else to care for him during a pandemic. OP should talk to the parents about the concerns.

He absolutely could end up doing that at a friend’s house. It’s a whole week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:God forbid the kid kills himself in your home, in your son's bedroom. Is your son going to feel responsible? Is he ever going to be able to sleep in his bedroom again?

This.

My high school DD’s friend committed suicide and several kids were negatively impacted. Be careful about agreeing OP, very careful.