WWYD Son’s BFF had suicide attempt a few months ago mom wants me to have him at our house for a week

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister attempted suicide when I was a kid. Regardless of therapy, medication, etc, a few months is still a really risky period.

I have a lot of sympathy for everyone in that family (including the parents' potential need to get away and regroup), but I would not take this on as a friend. I might agree to a one night sleepover if the parents were also in town in case of emergency, but I wouldn't agree to this. It's not safe for the friend or your DS.

OP will have to be very careful about a suicide attempt/suicide and most people aren't equip to handle that.

[Anonymous]

Nope. No vacation mid-pandemic for parents of a suicidal kid.

Let them know you'll take him maybe 2 nights, they need to be IN TOWN - preferably a midnight car ride away, and that's it.

[Anonymous]

To posters who said kid should be hospitalized--the attempt was a few months ago. Psych units don't keep people very long and when they believe there is no acute risk they discharge. I don't like their approach of handing the kid over to you for a whole week while they go on vacation, seems self indulgent of them, and I'd think differently if there was a pattern of close involvement with them, as well as maybe some overnights before taking this step, but I'd venture to guess he'd be ok at someone else's house. I would ask them a lot of questions about how he's doing, ask if he has any appointments during the week, ask if he is currently doing therapy.

FWIW there are studies involving hospitals who make a point of periodic calls to someone after discharge to see how they are doing. The very step of reaching out has been shown to sharply reduce the likelihood of subsequent attempts. Once when I was experiencing an acute mental health issue, but not hospitalized, I nonetheless got a weekly evening call from a nurse at the hospital associated with the psychologist who was treating me. Only much later did I realize it was basically to gauge my risk level. This was 40 years ago, I have never heard of that being done with anyone I know in more recent years.

[Anonymous]

God forbid the kid kills himself in your home, in your son's bedroom. Is your son going to feel responsible? Is he ever going to be able to sleep in his bedroom again?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here vacation for the parents. They are 16 , the boys. He is close to me but I’m angry at them I guess I don’t want him to think it’s because of him

I understand your point. And maybe the boy feels more safe with your family than his own and maybe happy to get away from his house.

tough decision, I would be angry at the parents too (a whole week??? how dare they? I would be MAD too.)

Unless you are ready to take him in for a week unselfishly and provide a safe space for him and ready to provide some counseling/guidance (which is A LOT) I would say no.

What does your son think? I would worry about the boy's dark thoughts rubbing on my son. Make sure your son doesn't go down the same path.

A week is A LOT to ask for from anyone. Family or close friends period.

[Anonymous]

No. We are in a pandemic with a massive surge occurring. No one should be having sleepovers!

[Anonymous]

No. I probably wouldn't agree to this because of Covid -- and even if we were podding otherwise -- even if the kid was not suicidal. Too much responsibility in a COVID world, with hospitalizations spiking and possibly not easy to get medical care. Add in suicidal and absolutely not. Especially for a week. What if they can't get back quickly? Overnight, if they are in town, maybe 2 days, is the most I would agree to.

[Anonymous]

Terrible parents

If anything they should take him with them for goodness sakes and maybe let him bring a bring

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. We are in a pandemic with a massive surge occurring. No one should be having sleepovers!

This! His parents are horrible people, vacationing during a pandemic and leaving their suicidal child behind wtf??

[Anonymous]

Nope. I have a similarly aged teen with a troubled friend. I feel for the kid and the family but ineould not want to be responsible for (or make my son responsible for) a kid who’s that close to a life-threatening crisis. What selfish parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope. No vacation mid-pandemic for parents of a suicidal kid.

Let them know you'll take him maybe 2 nights, they need to be IN TOWN - preferably a midnight car ride away, and that's it.

OP can’t stop them from taking a vacation. She can only refuse the kid. Given the totality of the facts I, personally, would take him in. Not because I think the parents are right but because I know I can’t control them.

[Anonymous]

I have a son almost the same age and I think I would likely say yes, depending a bit on how close you and your son are to the boy. My thinking: parents are likely to go regardless, I can’t control that. Kid will be somewhere other than with his parents. Is my home a better place for him than the alternative? If he and my son are close, he knows me well, and I feel some level of confidence in my ability to be a good adult toward him, then I conclude my house is the right place for him given the choices, and I say yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At least you can honestly tell the kid that it’s not him, it’s his parents.

+1. I'm not sure what I would do but except in an emergency and only one parent should go, there are probably reasons why this kid is suicidal. I would only agree if he had gotten mental health treatment, on medication and I could take him to therapy (or make him do it online). This kid needs someone to love him. However, this is insane to leave your suicidal kid when he needs you the most. The kid probably should be hospitalized if he hasn't.

+2 I think you need to ask to speak with the kid's therapist as a condition of agreeing. You need to know what s/he advises regarding relating to this poor young man. I agree with another poster that with the parents he has he probably would welcome any port in the storm; however, you need to be sure that you don't hit any triggers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To posters who said kid should be hospitalized--the attempt was a few months ago. Psych units don't keep people very long and when they believe there is no acute risk they discharge. I don't like their approach of handing the kid over to you for a whole week while they go on vacation, seems self indulgent of them, and I'd think differently if there was a pattern of close involvement with them, as well as maybe some overnights before taking this step, but I'd venture to guess he'd be ok at someone else's house. I would ask them a lot of questions about how he's doing, ask if he has any appointments during the week, ask if he is currently doing therapy.

FWIW there are studies involving hospitals who make a point of periodic calls to someone after discharge to see how they are doing. The very step of reaching out has been shown to sharply reduce the likelihood of subsequent attempts. Once when I was experiencing an acute mental health issue, but not hospitalized, I nonetheless got a weekly evening call from a nurse at the hospital associated with the psychologist who was treating me. Only much later did I realize it was basically to gauge my risk level. This was 40 years ago, I have never heard of that being done with anyone I know in more recent years.

Never heard of that. Missed the part it was a few months ago. I'd worry if I didn't take him, where would he end up. really selfish of the parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here vacation for the parents. They are 16 , the boys. He is close to me but I’m angry at them I guess I don’t want him to think it’s because of him

Unfortunately he already knows it is him - I mean, what kind of parents basically abandon a vulnerable kid so they can take a vacation? So he gets it. But yes it would be crushing to have someone else abandon him, too. Wow, those parents sound like pieces of work. I feel really badly for the kid.