WWYD Son’s BFF had suicide attempt a few months ago mom wants me to have him at our house for a week

[Anonymous]

OP you mention this isn't the first issue and without knowing what else is going on with this teen I'd say no. The boys would be together a lot without other kids around and not going out to be social due to covid (I assume anyway) and it sounds like the parents are going away-away (flying? driving? close? far?) and won't be readily available in an emergency. It sounds like this is a longer term issue with their family apart from the suicide attempt and they should instead focus on their family, their son and therapy vs. vacationing.

I would be concerned about taking on responsibility for this child. Do you have experience with troubled teens? Warning signs? Are they going to have a medical letter notarized to give you the ability to seek treatment/doctor care if something happens? Is there medication involved?

[Anonymous]

I would take him and keep them at home, with a close eye and lots of love. A few months is pretty big in terms of suicide risk. I would require a medical power of attorney and rights to speak with the therapist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you mention this isn't the first issue and without knowing what else is going on with this teen I'd say no. The boys would be together a lot without other kids around and not going out to be social due to covid (I assume anyway) and it sounds like the parents are going away-away (flying? driving? close? far?) and won't be readily available in an emergency. It sounds like this is a longer term issue with their family apart from the suicide attempt and they should instead focus on their family, their son and therapy vs. vacationing.

I would be concerned about taking on responsibility for this child. Do you have experience with troubled teens? Warning signs? Are they going to have a medical letter notarized to give you the ability to seek treatment/doctor care if something happens? Is there medication involved?

You aren't going to get parents like that to change or put an effort into their child's needs. I would be concerned about covid as well. However, if OP says no who knows where this kid will end up and the week with them could make a difference in his life.

[Anonymous]

I think it could be fine depending on what kind of treatment he's gotten and how he's doing. I am assuming the parents would not ask if the kid were in crisis.

For comparison my kid and my friend's kid both had mental health crises a few months ago and both kids have been in treatment, are on medication, and are doing OK now. It just depends.

[Anonymous]

Are you friends with the parents? If so, can you ask them point blank, why going away now is a good idea under circumstances? If not, I would try to find out more about his treatment plan and if parents are supposed to even be leaving him alone. If not, I would contact school counselor and have them deal with parents or social services department if necessary since it is child neglect. And no, there is enough stress for your own son without bringing a very troubled child into your house. His friend belongs with his parents unless they are incapable of being parents or abusive etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would take him and keep them at home, with a close eye and lots of love. A few months is pretty big in terms of suicide risk. I would require a medical power of attorney and rights to speak with the therapist.

And the kid needs to check in with his therapist every 2-3 days, just to make sure it’s okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would take him and keep them at home, with a close eye and lots of love. A few months is pretty big in terms of suicide risk. I would require a medical power of attorney and rights to speak with the therapist.

And the kid needs to check in with his therapist every 2-3 days, just to make sure it’s okay.

This and you hang on to all medications.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it could be fine depending on what kind of treatment he's gotten and how he's doing. I am assuming the parents would not ask if the kid were in crisis.

For comparison my kid and my friend's kid both had mental health crises a few months ago and both kids have been in treatment, are on medication, and are doing OK now. It just depends.

Depends on the family asking. Some minimize the issues. You would be a good choice as you know how to handle the situation and have experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a son almost the same age and I think I would likely say yes, depending a bit on how close you and your son are to the boy. My thinking: parents are likely to go regardless, I can’t control that. Kid will be somewhere other than with his parents. Is my home a better place for him than the alternative? If he and my son are close, he knows me well, and I feel some level of confidence in my ability to be a good adult toward him, then I conclude my house is the right place for him given the choices, and I say yes.

This! I would never forgive myself if this kid were left home alone or in a space he didn’t feel safe. If he feels safe with you, it’s likely better than the alternative.

[Anonymous]

You’d need to lock up all your meds and sharps and keep his meds locked up as well. You would also need a medical power of attorney.

I think providing respite care for the parents would be a gift. Two nights max. They might need to “put their masks on.” I have a teen with an eating disorder and I would give anything for a short break, especially it that would mean she was getting loved on by her BFF and family.

But I would never want to be separated from her for more than a weekend. Not fair to the other family and not fair to DD.

I would counter propose a weekend. Let them know that under the circumstances, you are more comfortable with the shorter period of time.

Btw, even with a healthy kid and no pandemic, I wouldn’t ask for such a long stay - seems so presumptuous!

[Anonymous]

My kid has attempted suicide. I am flabbergasted that the parents would make this request. A few months after the suicide attempt my son was still in very intensive treatment.

I often have other kids staying with us for a week or two at a time - we have a vacation home and my kids bring friends all the time. So having friends around is ok with me. But I don’t think I’d say yes to this ask. It’s too much work and I just wouldn’t want to be responsible for a kid who has such significant needs.

[Anonymous]

So, the only way I would consider this is if:
1. Your son is already interacting inside with this kid
2. This was a planned family getaway (I will assume to somewhere safe) and the boy has a strong reason for not going and suggested staying with a friend.

I still do not think it’s a great idea, but perhaps the kid needs a break from his parents.

[Anonymous]

No way. The parents are ridiculous to ask. No way no how. He needs to be monitored and you could permanently ruin your child's life by having him witness an attempt regardless of whether it is successful. You say "no."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid has attempted suicide. I am flabbergasted that the parents would make this request. A few months after the suicide attempt my son was still in very intensive treatment.

I often have other kids staying with us for a week or two at a time - we have a vacation home and my kids bring friends all the time. So having friends around is ok with me. But I don’t think I’d say yes to this ask. It’s too much work and I just wouldn’t want to be responsible for a kid who has such significant needs.

It is pretty shocking given its a vacation, not emergency but this may be part of the issue with the child's mental health issues. Most kids don't have parents like you who are monitoring it and getting them help. There is a difference from you inviting them and them asking to stay with you, especially during COVID.

[Anonymous]

No. I don't believe that it is safe for the child to be left behind by his parents and I wouldn't want to be a willing participant in that arrangement.