How to deal with ptsd related to infidelity

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. How can my husband help me in this? He doesn’t want to discuss anything and just wants to move on. He shuts me out and ignores my pleas for a discussion.

That unfortunately is a big red flag. I know because I've been there. If he can't be there for you now when you're so vulnerable then ....

If you divorce and even if it gets nasty, a couple of years post divorce, you'll feel better. Seems like a long time away now but that time comes. If you meet the right man and remarry that seems to help too. I didn't but those who have seem very happy.

+1 your husband is selfish AF.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. When I tell him that I’m sad about what happened he says I am “playing games to make him feel bad” and that it’s cruel to keep asking him to go to a place that makes him feel shame.

Wow. Do yourself a favor and leave now.

DaRVO - Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender. It’s a classic abuse tactic. He’s not the bad guy for cheating - you’re the bad guy for making him feel bad about it.


Has he said, “I already told you I’m sorry; what else do you want from me?” That’s a classic!

Yes she needs to divorce him. Get some therapy only for herself to get the courage and self esteem to get rid of this guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. When I tell him that I’m sad about what happened he says I am “playing games to make him feel bad” and that it’s cruel to keep asking him to go to a place that makes him feel shame.

Wow. Do yourself a favor and leave now.

DaRVO - Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender. It’s a classic abuse tactic. He’s not the bad guy for cheating - you’re the bad guy for making him feel bad about it.


Has he said, “I already told you I’m sorry; what else do you want from me?” That’s a classic!

Yes she needs to divorce him. Get some therapy only for herself to get the courage and self esteem to get rid of this guy.

OP -- I decided to stay after my husband's year long affair. However, he understood the pain he caused me, owned his shame, went to couples counseling and I had a therapist of my own. He did a lot of reading. He has shown me his remorse. Our relationship is in an entirely different place than when we started. But WE started. That's not what it sounds like is going on here. Yes, my DH gets frustrated sometimes when I want to talk about it -- I still get triggered from time to time and that sucks but would also happen if I weren't in the relationship anymore. But we address that frustration, too, calmly and together.

You can take steps to help you understand what you're feeling. Maybe it gives you new tools for communicating your feelings differently to your husband. It will certainly give you tools to better understand the environment and relationship you are in. And in time, it will give you the tools to make a more informed decision about whether you want to stay or go. And that will be your decision, and one to be proud of. FWIW, right now it sounds like your decision is more to keep the peace, rather than a reflection of the relationship you think you have or that you want and deserve.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. When I tell him that I’m sad about what happened he says I am “playing games to make him feel bad” and that it’s cruel to keep asking him to go to a place that makes him feel shame.

Wow. Do yourself a favor and leave now.

DaRVO - Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender. It’s a classic abuse tactic. He’s not the bad guy for cheating - you’re the bad guy for making him feel bad about it.


Has he said, “I already told you I’m sorry; what else do you want from me?” That’s a classic!

Yes she needs to divorce him. Get some therapy only for herself to get the courage and self esteem to get rid of this guy.

OP -- I decided to stay after my husband's year long affair. However, he understood the pain he caused me, owned his shame, went to couples counseling and I had a therapist of my own. He did a lot of reading. He has shown me his remorse. Our relationship is in an entirely different place than when we started. But WE started. That's not what it sounds like is going on here. Yes, my DH gets frustrated sometimes when I want to talk about it -- I still get triggered from time to time and that sucks but would also happen if I weren't in the relationship anymore. But we address that frustration, too, calmly and together.

You can take steps to help you understand what you're feeling. Maybe it gives you new tools for communicating your feelings differently to your husband. It will certainly give you tools to better understand the environment and relationship you are in. And in time, it will give you the tools to make a more informed decision about whether you want to stay or go. And that will be your decision, and one to be proud of. FWIW, right now it sounds like your decision is more to keep the peace, rather than a reflection of the relationship you think you have or that you want and deserve.

DP here, but can you say how you found a good therapist for dealing with this kind of situation? Did you have the same therapist for couples counseling and for your individual therapy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. When I tell him that I’m sad about what happened he says I am “playing games to make him feel bad” and that it’s cruel to keep asking him to go to a place that makes him feel shame.

Wow. Do yourself a favor and leave now.

DaRVO - Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender. It’s a classic abuse tactic. He’s not the bad guy for cheating - you’re the bad guy for making him feel bad about it.


Has he said, “I already told you I’m sorry; what else do you want from me?” That’s a classic!

Yes she needs to divorce him. Get some therapy only for herself to get the courage and self esteem to get rid of this guy.

OP -- I decided to stay after my husband's year long affair. However, he understood the pain he caused me, owned his shame, went to couples counseling and I had a therapist of my own. He did a lot of reading. He has shown me his remorse. Our relationship is in an entirely different place than when we started. But WE started. That's not what it sounds like is going on here. Yes, my DH gets frustrated sometimes when I want to talk about it -- I still get triggered from time to time and that sucks but would also happen if I weren't in the relationship anymore. But we address that frustration, too, calmly and together.

You can take steps to help you understand what you're feeling. Maybe it gives you new tools for communicating your feelings differently to your husband. It will certainly give you tools to better understand the environment and relationship you are in. And in time, it will give you the tools to make a more informed decision about whether you want to stay or go. And that will be your decision, and one to be proud of. FWIW, right now it sounds like your decision is more to keep the peace, rather than a reflection of the relationship you think you have or that you want and deserve.

I posted elsewhere in this thread about not leaving after the first D-Day, which I deeply regret. This sentence sums up my state of mind back then so perfectly.

[Anonymous]

OP - you out there? Bumping for an update.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. How can my husband help me in this? He doesn’t want to discuss anything and just wants to move on. He shuts me out and ignores my pleas for a discussion.

You cannot stay together and have a healthy relationship like this. I'm sorry. You need to bolt.

+ 1000 This does not sound like it will end well for you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - you out there? Bumping for an update.

Bump

[Anonymous]

Yu lost me at, PTSD.

[Anonymous]

We know little about op. Are there kids? Etc.
But the fact that the husband doesn’t seem to care about the damages he’s done tells me that he’ll do it again at some point.
I’m a guy. I’ve Cheated and been cheated on and I can say that if you act like nothing has happened then there are no consequences and it’s just gonna happen again.
Good luck

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. How can my husband help me in this? He doesn’t want to discuss anything and just wants to move on. He shuts me out and ignores my pleas for a discussion.

This is the root of your problem. Husband is a d?@k! This is on him, not you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - you out there? Bumping for an update.

Bump

What kind of update do you expect? She’s going to stay with him and let him sweep this under the rug.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please don’t call it PTSD. That terms is incredibly overused and it minimizes the seriousness of the disorder.

Just proving you have no grasp of how PTSD is defined by the psychologists and psychiatrists who practice in the profession. Infidelity absolutely can trigger PTSD.

YOU need to get educated, and stop preaching to others until you do!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please don’t call it PTSD. That terms is incredibly overused and it minimizes the seriousness of the disorder.

+1. This should be reserved for victims of violence and atrocities. You’re sad, anxious, and depressed. But NOT suffering from PTSD.

WRONG! You are clearly NOT a professional working in the field of psychology. Stop lecturing people about things you clearly have no understanding about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please don’t call it PTSD. That terms is incredibly overused and it minimizes the seriousness of the disorder.

+1. This should be reserved for victims of violence and atrocities. You’re sad, anxious, and depressed. But NOT suffering from PTSD.

It’s clinically recognized as PTSI/D. It’s real. Post-traumatic stress from Infidelity is recognized by the psych community.

Please don’t belittle what you do not know about.

+1,000,000

These nasty witches belittling other people’s trauma and lecturing about psychology when they clearly haven’t paid attention to anything in the field from the last 3-4 decades! Just making yourselves look ignorant, ‘ladies.’