Reply to How to deal with ptsd related to infidelity

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here. When I tell him that I’m sad about what happened he says I am “playing games to make him feel bad” and that it’s cruel to keep asking him to go to a place that makes him feel shame. [/quote]

Wow. Do yourself a favor and leave now.[/quote]

DaRVO - Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender. It’s a classic abuse tactic.  He’s not the bad guy for cheating - you’re the bad guy for making him feel bad about it.

Has he said, “I already told you I’m sorry; what else do you want from me?”  That’s a classic! [/quote]

Yes she needs to divorce him.  Get some therapy only for herself to get the courage and self esteem to get rid of this guy.

[/quote]

OP -- I decided to stay after my husband's year long affair.  However, he understood the pain he caused me, owned his shame, went to couples counseling and I had a therapist of my own.  He did a lot of reading.  He has shown me his remorse.  Our relationship is in an entirely different place than when we started.  But WE started.  That's not what it sounds like is going on here.  Yes, my DH gets frustrated sometimes when I want to talk about it -- I still get triggered from time to time and that sucks but would also happen if I weren't in the relationship anymore.  But we address that frustration, too, calmly and together.

You can take steps to help you understand what you're feeling.  Maybe it gives you new tools for communicating your feelings differently to your husband.  It will certainly give you tools to better understand the environment and relationship you are in.  And in time, it will give you the tools to make a more informed decision about whether you want to stay or go.  And that will be your decision, and one to be proud of. [b] FWIW, right now it sounds like your decision is more to keep the peace, rather than a reflection of the relationship you think you have or that you want and deserve.[/b][/quote]

I posted elsewhere in this thread about not leaving after the first D-Day, which I deeply regret. This sentence sums up my state of mind back then so perfectly. [/quote]

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