How to deal with ptsd related to infidelity

[Anonymous]

My husband cheated on me last year. We have decided to stay together. My husband wants to move on however I am struggling with random crying spells, inability to sleep and panic attacks.

How can I move forward?

[Anonymous]

Same here.

I’m looking into EMDR therapy.

I have read really hopeful things about it, particularly for this.

[Anonymous]

You don't. How nice if HIM to want to move on.

[Anonymous]

EMDR is great. What is your DH doing to help you heal? Sweeping this under the rug is not the answer. Has he read How to Help Your Spouse Heal from An Affair? Also, counseling for you to help deal with the trauma and counseling for him to figure out why helge thought it was ok to betray his family is a must.

[Anonymous]

You need a trauma counselor. My bestie is one and there are an unbelievable number of women going thru this.

As my friend said, it's about 90% women.

[Anonymous]

Cut.him.loose.

You will never trust him again.

[Anonymous]

Look, I'm 13 years out, and I don't regret at all staying to work things out.

For me, it's just time. Doing the time so that it recedes and new memories are built. It still comes back, sometimes, but nothing like that first year. That said, I might cry sometimes, and have a little insomnia, but nothing as intense as you have described.

My husband never once suggested we move past it - he was an open book. However, I also wasn't too intense around him.

It also really helped me to think of CHOOSING a future. I chose to stay with him, and in making that choice, I also had to do the work to make the future brighter. It wasn't easy, but it also wasn't panic attack inducing for me.

So I would suggest individual therapy.

[Anonymous]

Please don’t call it PTSD. That terms is incredibly overused and it minimizes the seriousness of the disorder.

[Anonymous]

I couldn’t. I’m divorcing and much more at peace.

[Anonymous]

Op here. How can my husband help me in this? He doesn’t want to discuss anything and just wants to move on. He shuts me out and ignores my pleas for a discussion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please don’t call it PTSD. That terms is incredibly overused and it minimizes the seriousness of the disorder.

+1. This should be reserved for victims of violence and atrocities. You’re sad, anxious, and depressed. But NOT suffering from PTSD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please don’t call it PTSD. That terms is incredibly overused and it minimizes the seriousness of the disorder.

Studies show the effect is similar - insomnia, invasive thinking, outbursts of anger, depression, emotional numb. Relationships with a spouse go to the core of our security. When one discovers that relationship was a lie and their world was a lie, the revelation is a trauma.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. How can my husband help me in this? He doesn’t want to discuss anything and just wants to move on. He shuts me out and ignores my pleas for a discussion.

You cannot stay together and have a healthy relationship like this. I'm sorry. You need to bolt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please don’t call it PTSD. That terms is incredibly overused and it minimizes the seriousness of the disorder.

Studies show the effect is similar - insomnia, invasive thinking, outbursts of anger, depression, emotional numb. Relationships with a spouse go to the core of our security. When one discovers that relationship was a lie and their world was a lie, the revelation is a trauma.

A trauma, perhaps. But not every trauma causes PTSD. Not every panic attack or depressed thought is PTSD. Again, some of us have been through years of starvation, physical danger, homelessness. I am not trying to minimize that OP is feeling terrible and that she is going through a difficult situation, but let’s not self diagnose and minimize serious disorders.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please don’t call it PTSD. That terms is incredibly overused and it minimizes the seriousness of the disorder.

+1. This should be reserved for victims of violence and atrocities. You’re sad, anxious, and depressed. But NOT suffering from PTSD.

Agree. If the biggest trauma and upset that ever happens in your life is your husband cheating on you, you need to work on becoming more resilient. Life is full of ups and downs for every single person. In the big picture this is small potatoes.