wife refuses to mend relationship with brother

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like the breadwinner husband was going to bailout his brother (with his own hard-earned money), but wanted to loop in the wife. The wife said no, you're not spending "our" money on your brother.

I'd bet wife is a SAHM or makes peanuts, yet wears the pants in the relationship, otherwise it doesn't make sense. Brother wouldn't approach his brother unless he knew brother had the dough -- and he wouldn't become so unhinged unless he knew the non-working spouse (SIL) subverted the bailout. Brother took it as brother choosing wife over blood.

You’re acting like his wife blocked him from some fantastic opportunity. Even if he were single why should he bail out a grown man who seemingly has nothing wrong with him other than an inability to budget?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like the breadwinner husband was going to bailout his brother (with his own hard-earned money), but wanted to loop in the wife. The wife said no, you're not spending "our" money on your brother.

I'd bet wife is a SAHM or makes peanuts, yet wears the pants in the relationship, otherwise it doesn't make sense. Brother wouldn't approach his brother unless he knew brother had the dough -- and he wouldn't become so unhinged unless he knew the non-working spouse (SIL) subverted the bailout. Brother took it as brother choosing wife over blood.

You’re acting like his wife blocked him from some fantastic opportunity. Even if he were single why should he bail out a grown man who seemingly has nothing wrong with him other than an inability to budget?

What's with all the toxic masculinity BS here, PP? It's not wrong - legally, SAHM or making peanuts that IS 'their' money not just 'his', especially if it's just to give away to a thankless irresponsible person. I am sure, you have a warm and loving relationship with the women in your life.

[Anonymous]

From what I gather -

Your brother was irresponsible with his own money and then wanted yours.

You said no and refused to be an enabler, so he insulted you and your spouse.

He continues to insult and bad mouth your wife. You seem to be ok with that and still want to have a relationship with him.

He refuses to apologize for his previous misbehavior and continues to act like a brat, but you want your wife to have a warm relationship with him.

I fail to understand the question here. You are worried about the relationship between your wife and brother? I would worry about your relationship with your wife. You are showing zero respect and concern for her. Nobody can insult my spouse and continue to be close to me. I cut that shit out at the first instance. You seem to let him talk like that every time you guys interact. It also seems that one of the reasons he does this is because you are solely putting the responsibility of this on your wife instead of being a united front and saying you both don't agree to a reconciliation till he makes amends and behaves better in the future.

[Anonymous]

OP, your parents stirring the pot on this BS is offensive. They raised one bully entitled son and one wimpy go-along son. And they are still trying to be the puppet masters to keep you both in the roles that they established for you.

Unless you think marriage is a temporary thing (in which case, get divorced, move in with your brother and plan to pay all the bills) you need to get your priorities straight. Your marriage definitely comes before (shitty) brother. If you can't see that, it's time for serious therapy sessions. That will be cheaper than divorce.

[Anonymous]

OP, have you run away since you’re not getting the answers you want?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From what I gather -

Your brother was irresponsible with his own money and then wanted yours.

You said no and refused to be an enabler, so he insulted you and your spouse.

He continues to insult and bad mouth your wife. You seem to be ok with that and still want to have a relationship with him.

He refuses to apologize for his previous misbehavior and continues to act like a brat, but you want your wife to have a warm relationship with him.

I fail to understand the question here. You are worried about the relationship between your wife and brother? I would worry about your relationship with your wife. You are showing zero respect and concern for her. Nobody can insult my spouse and continue to be close to me. I cut that shit out at the first instance. You seem to let him talk like that every time you guys interact. It also seems that one of the reasons he does this is because you are solely putting the responsibility of this on your wife instead of being a united front and saying you both don't agree to a reconciliation till he makes amends and behaves better in the future.

That is because this is DH’s normal. He is used to the insults and then the next day it is “love you man.” Dysfunctional cray cray.

[Anonymous]

Please keep encouraging your wife.

Keep going until she finally snaps and leaves you.

You and your moocher brother can live in your bossy parents' basement. Your soon-to-be ex-wife would so much better off without all of you because she's never going to have peace as the only sane one in your family.