Anonymous wrote:I have found myself in the role of caregiver for my paternal uncle whom I met when I was 48 years old (found thru DNA) and learned I am his closest living relative ( I have other siblings thru my bio father that I found around the same time, all geographically distant to my uncle and most younger than me). He has little or no interest in knowing most of my siblings or their children, especially if they are male. I have a younger sister he has known her whole life but they have never been close. My bio father died when I was 8 and we never knew each other, so I didn't know my uncle or their family. Grandparents are deceased, there were only the two sons, my bio father and uncle. He and his family are apparently financially well off. I have worked my whole life and my husband and I are comfortable with our lives. We have two teenage sons at home.
My uncle is VERY sexist, misogynistic and self centered. Very different then how I was raised, to help others when you can.
My uncle takes advantage of this in every possible way without regard to my husband, my sons, my job or me. He expects that I be his committed caregiver regardless of the cost to my family "because he's making arrangements to take care of me when he's gone." Great. Where dies that leave my family today?
He claims to not be able to hire professional cleaning at his home but will spend 15k on a classic car (he owns dozens) and has bought no less than 6 in the short time I have known him. He expects me to clean his home for the promise of what's to come, and at the expense of my own income.
He is disrespectful of my marriage; he asks me to join him for dinner and I tell him my husband also would like dinner and the invitation is withdrawn until I alone can go. If I bring my sons to meet him for a meal he makes the server split their meals off the bill and will pay for his and mine.
He insists on wearing only his underwear in my presence all the while exclaiming how cold he is.
He tells all his medical staff he is capable of taking care of himself but expects me to wait on him hand and foot. He tells people we are "playing husband and wife" when I accompany him for medical visits out of town that require overnight stays. He asks me to have romantic dinners with him, in those words. He once (one time only) invited my whole family out for a meal, to celebrate his closing of a business transaction. We all joined him and had an enjoyable meal at a reasonable restaurant. After the meal, my husband stepped away to the restroom and my uncle leaned into me and told me to consider the meal as a down-payment for a service I had already told him we couldn't do.
He really sets me on edge and I am very resentful. He refuses to accept a no from me and is indignant and petulant if I don't play along with the twisted antics and his very inappropriate jokes. He is less colorful in front of my husband, but he has no qualms when my husband is not present.
This is completely insane. Why are you even in contact with this person? Are you so greedy that you’re willing to be base level degraded hoping he will pay out?
Guess what? He’s not going to give you a dime.
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