What percentage of people have the capacity to stay in and excel in a monogamous relationship?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not looking for affirmation. It’s an anonymous board. I was simply trying to gauge how many people in the US are suffering from trauma to the point where they can’t live a virtuous monogamous life. I guess DCUM isn’t the best place. It was just a reflection after seeing how hard women and men had it in the past trying to start a life here that it seems odd we have people like Elon Musk who have everything and just have affair after affair. It really wasn’t anything related to me. I didn’t ask how much better I was than anyone. If anything I feel I fall short of my more perfect family members. I just wasn’t aware how much trauma others went through till I became an adult. You are right I was naive. But it is a symptom of a greater cutural failing if so many of our children are growing up in broken homes and we can’t seem to rise above the trauma ourselves as a society.

There was nothing wrong with your question. Some are just very sensitive to this issue

There certainly was something wrong with their question. OP clearly thinks they have the moral high ground, and that Christians are naturally inclined to “virtuous” monogamous marriages, which is bullshit. I’m a swinger, and there are so so so so so so so many Christians in the lifestyle, it’s not even funny. I spend most of my time trying to avoid them and find other godless heathens like myself.

I’m op and did not mean to really relate any of this to my own life other than to acknowledge that I’ve seen successful marriages. I mentioned Christianity because it specifically calls out a monogamous relationship with a man and woman. Other religions and the constitution do not. So I was referring to the dogma not specific groups of people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All men desire sex outside their marriage. If your question is how many of them can exercise self-control for 50 years, it's "not many." Find an introvert with a low sex-drive and your chances go up.

As do all women. The question is do people have the capacity to have a monagomous and healthy relationship. We all do have that capacity. Whether we put in the hard work or not is up to us.

We all have some capacity however like IQ I think people have different levels of ability.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not looking for affirmation. It’s an anonymous board. I was simply trying to gauge how many people in the US are suffering from trauma to the point where they can’t live a virtuous monogamous life. I guess DCUM isn’t the best place. It was just a reflection after seeing how hard women and men had it in the past trying to start a life here that it seems odd we have people like Elon Musk who have everything and just have affair after affair. It really wasn’t anything related to me. I didn’t ask how much better I was than anyone. If anything I feel I fall short of my more perfect family members. I just wasn’t aware how much trauma others went through till I became an adult. You are right I was naive. But it is a symptom of a greater cutural failing if so many of our children are growing up in broken homes and we can’t seem to rise above the trauma ourselves as a society.

There was nothing wrong with your question. Some are just very sensitive to this issue

There certainly was something wrong with their question. OP clearly thinks they have the moral high ground, and that Christians are naturally inclined to “virtuous” monogamous marriages, which is bullshit. I’m a swinger, and there are so so so so so so so many Christians in the lifestyle, it’s not even funny. I spend most of my time trying to avoid them and find other godless heathens like myself.

I’m op and did not mean to really relate any of this to my own life other than to acknowledge that I’ve seen successful marriages. I mentioned Christianity because it specifically calls out a monogamous relationship with a man and woman. Other religions and the constitution do not. So I was referring to the dogma not specific groups of people.

Hmmm...how many couples do you know OP?
Hundreds?
Thousands?
Tens of thousands?

You infer that you know so much about so many - have seen so many successful marriages but NONE OF THEM were polygamous relationships?

Hmmm...I find that hard to believe.
Unless of course you don't know as many people as you think you do.
That I firmly believe.

[Anonymous]

I didn't say that at all. I'm not commenting on whether OTHER relationships are healthy. I'm simply asking the percentage of humans that are capable of monogamous relationships and can not just stay in them but also grow as a couple and individually. It's not an either or comparison. I'm simply trying to get data on one type of relationship.

[Anonymous]

Furthermore entire countries and the state of Utah I'm told allow polygamy so obviously there are healthy polygamous relationships. But I'm not asking about those. Can you start your own thread on those? That is an interesting question as well, but just different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't say that at all. I'm not commenting on whether OTHER relationships are healthy. I'm simply asking the percentage of humans that are capable of monogamous relationships and can not just stay in them but also grow as a couple and individually. It's not an either or comparison. I'm simply trying to get data on one type of relationship.

Ridiculous query.
Anybody is capable of anything.
People are capable of being incredibly loving.
People are capable of being incredibly evil.
So 100% of humans are capable of monogamous relationships but not everybody is interested.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't say that at all. I'm not commenting on whether OTHER relationships are healthy. I'm simply asking the percentage of humans that are capable of monogamous relationships and can not just stay in them but also grow as a couple and individually. It's not an either or comparison. I'm simply trying to get data on one type of relationship.

Ridiculous query.
Anybody is capable of anything.
People are capable of being incredibly loving.
People are capable of being incredibly evil.
So 100% of humans are capable of monogamous relationships but not everybody is interested.

But science doesn't seem to back that up. There was a reference to monogamous animals still having 30% of their population as non-monogamous. There are entire societies that allow polygamy. Why? Obviously it is something that is also desirable. IQ for instance predicts success in certain areas of life. It's very possible that certain behavioral and environmental factors affect the ability for people to have monogamous and successful monogamous relationships.

[Anonymous]

Obviously everyone is capable, but is definitely more desirable and easier for some people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't say that at all. I'm not commenting on whether OTHER relationships are healthy. I'm simply asking the percentage of humans that are capable of monogamous relationships and can not just stay in them but also grow as a couple and individually. It's not an either or comparison. I'm simply trying to get data on one type of relationship.

Ridiculous query.
Anybody is capable of anything.
People are capable of being incredibly loving.
People are capable of being incredibly evil.
So 100% of humans are capable of monogamous relationships but not everybody is interested.

Very obtuse, and incorrect. Medical and clinical physicians in a position to determine capability and capacity have proved otherwise. You can supplement disabilities to raise the bar and normalize, in some cases.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't say that at all. I'm not commenting on whether OTHER relationships are healthy. I'm simply asking the percentage of humans that are capable of monogamous relationships and can not just stay in them but also grow as a couple and individually. It's not an either or comparison. I'm simply trying to get data on one type of relationship.

Ridiculous query.
Anybody is capable of anything.
People are capable of being incredibly loving.
People are capable of being incredibly evil.
So 100% of humans are capable of monogamous relationships but not everybody is interested.

Very obtuse, and incorrect. Medical and clinical physicians in a position to determine capability and capacity have proved otherwise. You can supplement disabilities to raise the bar and normalize, in some cases.

Gimmie a link to the research paper stating that some people cannot be monogamous even if they want to because they don't have the capability.
Gimmie a link to the scientific study stating that some people cannot be monogamous even if they want to because they don't have the capability.

Take your time.

[Anonymous]

OP here. found one with a quick google search. My question actually has a theory name. Life History Theory.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6985779/

Life history theory (LHT) is a framework for understanding individual variation in sexual, reproductive, parental, familial, and social behaviors across the lifespan [reviewed in Figueredo et al. (2006); see also Del Giudice et al., 2015]. It predicts that organisms vary adaptively in how they allocate limited time and resources toward growth and reproduction. This variation can be meaningfully divided into two predominant strategies: a slow life history, whereby individuals delay sexual development and reproduction (i.e., invest more in relatively fewer offspring) and a fast life history, in which individuals experience earlier sexual maturity and produce a greater quantity of offspring (i.e., invest less in relatively more offspring). Each strategy prepares an organism to extract value from its environment according to the physical and social challenges that it experiences throughout development. In relatively more stable environments (e.g., high socioseconomic status, low mortality rate), delayed and restricted reproduction allows resources to be channeled into a few offspring likely to survive. In unpredictable environments, accelerated reproduction hedges the risk of investing too deeply into a single child when that investment is unlikely to pay off.

[Anonymous]

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/men/thinking-man/are-men-hardwired-to-be-less-monogamous-than-women/

[Anonymous]

My question is how would you ever truly know if your spouse has been faithful throughout the course of your marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't say that at all. I'm not commenting on whether OTHER relationships are healthy. I'm simply asking the percentage of humans that are capable of monogamous relationships and can not just stay in them but also grow as a couple and individually. It's not an either or comparison. I'm simply trying to get data on one type of relationship.

Ridiculous query.
Anybody is capable of anything.
People are capable of being incredibly loving.
People are capable of being incredibly evil.
So 100% of humans are capable of monogamous relationships but not everybody is interested.

Very obtuse, and incorrect. Medical and clinical physicians in a position to determine capability and capacity have proved otherwise. You can supplement disabilities to raise the bar and normalize, in some cases.

Gimmie a link to the research paper stating that some people cannot be monogamous even if they want to because they don't have the capability.
Gimmie a link to the scientific study stating that some people cannot be monogamous even if they want to because they don't have the capability.

Take your time.

OH...and I almost forgot - please break down some of the idiosyncrasies surrounding people presumably incapable of monogamy (serial cheaters, high sex drive freaks, etc)
How is it that so many of them who never stay faithful in relationships magically *SWITCH UP* when they find their special someone and are capable of sustaining a monogamous relationship for years and years despite their infamous history?
What's up with that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My question is how would you ever truly know if your spouse has been faithful throughout the course of your marriage?

The question is more about whether people have a proclivity for a productive monogamous relationship based on their brain and environment. So if Person A gets married and has no trauma from past relationships related to monogamy and has a brain that favors monogamy, their likelihood of being able to maintain a positive relationship is higher than others who don't have that same brain and environment.