What percentage of people have the capacity to stay in and excel in a monogamous relationship?

[Anonymous]

OP ~ it is not difficult for an emotionally healthy person to have a loving, monogamous marriage/relationship

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd say 100% of people *have the capacity* to be faithful and monogamous. I'd say people may not have the desire to do so, however. It is a choice.

Sexless marriage == 0% desire to be faithful
So OP's question actually depends just us much on the spouse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd like to see actual stats on how many people (especially men) have been "monogamous" throughout marriages over the last 200 years (or 150). We have a very modern idea of "love" marriages, and forget that until very very recently, women really didn't have a whole lot of financial or social power in marrying. And that divorce was actually hard to do.

The OP seems to have a very naive perception of marriage and a very narrowly defined concept of "relationships." Staying married only requires that one doesn't get divorced - it doesn't mean the relationship is good or that there is even an active sex life between the spouses.

Well I did also say excel. That wasn't defined but it was meant to be a relationship where two people stayed together and actually grew as couples and individuals in a positive manner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd say 100% of people *have the capacity* to be faithful and monogamous. I'd say people may not have the desire to do so, however. It is a choice.

Sexless marriage == 0% desire to be faithful
So OP's question actually depends just us much on the spouse

Obviously. The question was about capacity.

[Anonymous]

Denial is so powerful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Reading these threads makes me wonder why there are so many dysfunctional people who can't do well in relationships. My entire extended family just doesn't have these issues although we each acknowledge we have many faults of our own that we work on daily. We work hard, we save our money, we listen to and forgive others, and we try to be decent Christians and human beings that don't take more than we give and don't overpower anyone. We start and continue relationships with the plan to make it through life with its ups and downs. Is it just our society that offers too many temptations or do people have more mental issues than before? What is the source of the dysfunction? I'm seeing it in friends, in the news. Everywhere.

And?
What's that got to do with your relationship?
If your shit is straight be happy and smile.
What you stressing about other folks personal lives for?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP ~ it is not difficult for an emotionally healthy person to have a loving, monogamous marriage/relationship

+1. There are a ton of threads in this biased pool of anonymous posters that also discuss what they did to break a chain of emotional pain in the past to do just that. The work for some people is easier depending on so many factors, including the partner and what they come with.

[Anonymous]

I wonder if certain personality types are better at this than others.

[Anonymous]

And the 25% who can't stay married, what should society recommend for them? Is it better for them and for society to just have a stable single or open relationship?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if certain personality types are better at this than others.

I think so. Also if they are partnered with someone that has a similar personality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not looking for affirmation. It’s an anonymous board. I was simply trying to gauge how many people in the US are suffering from trauma to the point where they can’t live a virtuous monogamous life. I guess DCUM isn’t the best place. It was just a reflection after seeing how hard women and men had it in the past trying to start a life here that it seems odd we have people like Elon Musk who have everything and just have affair after affair. It really wasn’t anything related to me. I didn’t ask how much better I was than anyone. If anything I feel I fall short of my more perfect family members. I just wasn’t aware how much trauma others went through till I became an adult. You are right I was naive. But it is a symptom of a greater cutural failing if so many of our children are growing up in broken homes and we can’t seem to rise above the trauma ourselves as a society.

There was nothing wrong with your question. Some are just very sensitive to this issue

There certainly was something wrong with their question. OP clearly thinks they have the moral high ground, and that Christians are naturally inclined to “virtuous” monogamous marriages, which is bullshit. I’m a swinger, and there are so so so so so so so many Christians in the lifestyle, it’s not even funny. I spend most of my time trying to avoid them and find other godless heathens like myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Reading these threads makes me wonder why there are so many dysfunctional people who can't do well in relationships. My entire extended family just doesn't have these issues although we each acknowledge we have many faults of our own that we work on daily. We work hard, we save our money, we listen to and forgive others, and we try to be decent Christians and human beings that don't take more than we give and don't overpower anyone. We start and continue relationships with the plan to make it through life with its ups and downs. Is it just our society that offers too many temptations or do people have more mental issues than before? What is the source of the dysfunction? I'm seeing it in friends, in the news. Everywhere.

Most Christians don't care about infidelity. You do realize Donald Trump aka Stormy Daniels paramour and grab em by wherever fame is the most popular politician in memory among religious conservatives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not looking for affirmation. It’s an anonymous board. I was simply trying to gauge how many people in the US are suffering from trauma to the point where they can’t live a virtuous monogamous life. I guess DCUM isn’t the best place. It was just a reflection after seeing how hard women and men had it in the past trying to start a life here that it seems odd we have people like Elon Musk who have everything and just have affair after affair. It really wasn’t anything related to me. I didn’t ask how much better I was than anyone. If anything I feel I fall short of my more perfect family members. I just wasn’t aware how much trauma others went through till I became an adult. You are right I was naive. But it is a symptom of a greater cutural failing if so many of our children are growing up in broken homes and we can’t seem to rise above the trauma ourselves as a society.

Trauma is not a hard indicator. I had substantial childhood trauma and have an extremely happy and stable life today. But of course its an indicator.

I think two things can be true, OP you can be kind of a self righteous naive person (because no matter what you say you do not know what goes on behind closed doors unless you have cameras in all these peoples houses in which case, there is something screwed up happening anyway!). And monogamy can be a relationship style specifically suited to not everyone and the people who find each other who are well matched and good at monogamy are pretty lucky.

Most people are trying their best to be happy. Its good to have grace when viewing their lives from the outside.

[Anonymous]

All men desire sex outside their marriage. If your question is how many of them can exercise self-control for 50 years, it's "not many." Find an introvert with a low sex-drive and your chances go up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All men desire sex outside their marriage. If your question is how many of them can exercise self-control for 50 years, it's "not many." Find an introvert with a low sex-drive and your chances go up.

As do all women. The question is do people have the capacity to have a monagomous and healthy relationship. We all do have that capacity. Whether we put in the hard work or not is up to us.