Neighbors daughter peed on my couch :(

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

If a 6 year old makes a huge mess at someone’s house the age appropriate thing to do is to tell an adult. Really.

This girl did two things that are completely age inappropriate. First was peeing on the couch. Second was not telling anyone and getting help.

To be that says she’s so used to peeing herself that it didn’t even register as something big. Even my 3 year old understands that he needs to tell a grown up when he has an accident AND he notices that he’s become soiled and wants clean clothes. This girl is 6 and she either didn’t notice or didn’t care that she was soiled. This is a huge red flag. I would be very weary of hosting this girl inside my house.

Wary. The word you want is wary. Weary = tired. Wary = cautious about potential danger/problem

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

If a 6 year old makes a huge mess at someone’s house the age appropriate thing to do is to tell an adult. Really.

This girl did two things that are completely age inappropriate. First was peeing on the couch. Second was not telling anyone and getting help.

To be that says she’s so used to peeing herself that it didn’t even register as something big. Even my 3 year old understands that he needs to tell a grown up when he has an accident AND he notices that he’s become soiled and wants clean clothes. This girl is 6 and she either didn’t notice or didn’t care that she was soiled. This is a huge red flag. I would be very weary of hosting this girl inside my house.

Wary. The word you want is wary. Weary = tired. Wary = cautious about potential danger/problem

Thank you Caryn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t say anything. I don’t see the point.

Honestly has your couch never been peed on or puked on before? Just clean it and air out the room.

Next time the girl is over (if you have her again- your choice of course) remind her to use the restroom regularly.

Just the type of stuff that happens with small kids IMO

NP here. I have two kids ages 9 and 12, and neither of them has ever peed or puked on a couch. I don't think this is that unusual. I cannot believe that a) a six year old peed on a couch and b) said nothing to anyone. Appalling.

Mom of 3 and I agree that this is pretty strange. No pee or puke on couches here.

Same here. I have 3 young children, so I’m no stranger to cleaning up messes. That said, I cannot believe someone would get to the point where pee and puke on a couch is considered normal? That’s bizarre.

My oldest child is 5 years. She has never peed on my couch and neither have any of her friends. I can’t imagine a situation where a kid makes that big of a mess and doesn’t tell anyone. This is basic hygiene!!!

You can't imagine a situation? How about because she's 6 and mortified because she knows it's not age-approriate. Judging by some of the reactions here she would be valid in that thinking. For the love of God, people want her to go back to diapers (pull ups)??

Pull ups are for kids who have accidents still. It’s not a shame thing. It’s called using a tool for that very purpose. Grown adults use depends/adult diapers when they have incontinence issues. Same thing

[Anonymous]

What the heck is with all these don’t tel the parents responses?!?! Makes no sense. Schools send home a letter if a child has an accident so you know. Similar should
Happen here

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand all the “say nothings.” I would definitely want to know if one of my kids had a substantial accident all over someone’s couch.

Same! "Hi, Julia's had two accidents at my house this week. Since I'm sure you deal with this often, do you have any suggestions for my couch? Also, do you want to send some pull-ups she can wear while she's here, or ... what has your ped or the urologist said is the best way to handle this?"

+1

Ugh, no. That sounds completelty obnoxious. Just remind her to use the bathroom or keep her on hard surfaces or outside. This shouldn't be that big of a deal.

[Anonymous]

I have a child who still accidents past the age of 6. First, while a small percentage, this issue is more common than you realize. So the posters who are being rude have no idea. The mom gave a warning, so clearly she is aware. We have taken my child to many specialists, who do not want her back in pullups. It is harder to have the awareness of being wet or dry when in a pull up. There are entire clinics at some of the big hospitals dedicated to this exact issue. For some children, the issue does not resolve until puberty, as a pp said. The child did not say anything because they were either too embarrassed ( a common reaction for kids like this) or with small accidents they really are sometimes unaware (neurologically the need to go and fact they went does not always register- also not uncommon for someone who has accidents past age 5).

As a parent of a child like this, I probably would not have started a pod without giving the host mom more guidance. However, shaming the child or talking to the parent like they have no idea is not right either. Your options, OP, are you can either say nothing, but since you are starting a pod this may happen again. Or, you can say "Larla had an accident our house the other day. I know you had mentioned this happens sometimes. Since we will be spending a lot of time together in this Pod, do you have any suggestions of what I can do help? I am happy to give bathroom reminders every so often or keep a change of clothes for her at our house." Both the girl and the mom are probably already feeling badly about this issue in general.

I want to emphasize- This issue is not one of bad parenting or a kid who is "not potty trained" or being bad. More kids than you realize really do have this issue. I have literally cried over this with my child and done everything I possibly can, but I still have a 9 year old with accidents.

[Anonymous]

Get some Nature's Miracle and follow the directions for any future accidents. It'll take care of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t say anything. I don’t see the point.

Honestly has your couch never been peed on or puked on before? Just clean it and air out the room.

Next time the girl is over (if you have her again- your choice of course) remind her to use the restroom regularly.

Just the type of stuff that happens with small kids IMO

NP here. I have two kids ages 9 and 12, and neither of them has ever peed or puked on a couch. I don't think this is that unusual. I cannot believe that a) a six year old peed on a couch and b) said nothing to anyone. Appalling.

Mom of 3 and I agree that this is pretty strange. No pee or puke on couches here.

Same here. I have 3 young children, so I’m no stranger to cleaning up messes. That said, I cannot believe someone would get to the point where pee and puke on a couch is considered normal? That’s bizarre.

My oldest child is 5 years. She has never peed on my couch and neither have any of her friends. I can’t imagine a situation where a kid makes that big of a mess and doesn’t tell anyone. This is basic hygiene!!!

An expert with toddler kids . Pity having 3 kids did not give you more empathy. Mine have never peed on couch either but I would never judge a parent or child having this embarrassing issue. By the grace of God you go your kids do not have issues so far.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since you've formed a pod, let them know. Don't make a big deal about it,she is six. But they should know if she got excited or anxious and lost control.

I’m with you. Since this little girl is going to be in your life daily, kindly ask her parents what is the best way to handle. Maybe she just needs reminding till she outgrows it. Obviously don’t talk to the girl or embarrass her, but get some guidance from her parents.

+1. I think speaking to them from a place of empathy and asking what you can do to help when she's at your house -i.e, - does there need to be a potty break every hour or two? - is fine. They are aware it's an issue if they've mentioned she has accidents. If I were the girl's parent, I'd be embarrassed but I'd want to know. I would offer to pay for the cleaning, but I admit I'd be a little taken aback if you took me up on it but not enough to reconsider the friendship. Cognitive dissonance, I know.

[Anonymous]

Why is no one mentioning the fact that a 6 year old is pering everywhere. There's a much larger issue here that needs to be addressed. A very occasional accident...sure! On floors and couches...in other people's homes, and the parents acknowledge this as something that "happens?"

No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a child who still accidents past the age of 6. First, while a small percentage, this issue is more common than you realize. So the posters who are being rude have no idea. The mom gave a warning, so clearly she is aware. We have taken my child to many specialists, who do not want her back in pullups. It is harder to have the awareness of being wet or dry when in a pull up. There are entire clinics at some of the big hospitals dedicated to this exact issue. For some children, the issue does not resolve until puberty, as a pp said. The child did not say anything because they were either too embarrassed ( a common reaction for kids like this) or with small accidents they really are sometimes unaware (neurologically the need to go and fact they went does not always register- also not uncommon for someone who has accidents past age 5).

As a parent of a child like this, I probably would not have started a pod without giving the host mom more guidance. However, shaming the child or talking to the parent like they have no idea is not right either. Your options, OP, are you can either say nothing, but since you are starting a pod this may happen again. Or, you can say "Larla had an accident our house the other day. I know you had mentioned this happens sometimes. Since we will be spending a lot of time together in this Pod, do you have any suggestions of what I can do help? I am happy to give bathroom reminders every so often or keep a change of clothes for her at our house." Both the girl and the mom are probably already feeling badly about this issue in general.

I want to emphasize- This issue is not one of bad parenting or a kid who is "not potty trained" or being bad. More kids than you realize really do have this issue. I have literally cried over this with my child and done everything I possibly can, but I still have a 9 year old with accidents.

I'd be ok if the parents were taking steps with Drs, but this doesn't seem to be the case. I think the way you suggest bringing it up works. It does have to be brought up. It's either a medical issue that needs to be addressed, or a psychological issue that also needs to be addressed, or even an abuse issue that needs to be looked into ( no PP, I am not insinuating that your daughter has an abuse issue.)

Regardless, let's not tiptoe around it without problem solving. And no, we don't ever need to enbarrass the child, but let's get this worked on.

[Anonymous]

If you don’t say anything, the kid will use your couch as a toilet during pod time. She needs to know to try to go to the bathroom several times a day. Mention this to all kids at once when they arrive for pod class. Make it no big deal..just a reminder.

[Anonymous]

..also, her parents should know. She could have a UTI.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand all the “say nothings.” I would definitely want to know if one of my kids had a substantial accident all over someone’s couch.

Same! "Hi, Julia's had two accidents at my house this week. Since I'm sure you deal with this often, do you have any suggestions for my couch? Also, do you want to send some pull-ups she can wear while she's here, or ... what has your ped or the urologist said is the best way to handle this?"

+1

Ugh, no. That sounds completelty obnoxious. Just remind her to use the bathroom or keep her on hard surfaces or outside. This shouldn't be that big of a deal.

Sure that works now. What about on a rainy day? Or what happens if all the other kids are watching a movie? Do you risk another accident on your couch? What?

This kid needs to be wearing pull-ups when she’s at other people’s houses. It’s too much to ask friends parents to potty train a 6 year old. Cleaning up urine from a 6 year is above and beyond what is expected of parents hosting their children’s friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:..also, her parents should know. She could have a UTI.

Her parents know. Her parents told OP that the girl has frequent accidents. (If the girl was 2 or 3 we would rightfully say she wasn’t potty trained. This is consider “shaming” for a 6-year old, so they don’t even provide pull ups for her.)

Her parents don’t care and expect OP to tolerate frequent urination on her furniture and carpet...