How do you tell a child they life they knew is over?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It won’t ever go back? Are you this dramatic in real life? Life will eventually go back to normal. That’s how you explain it.

It won’t. The half-life of antibodies is 36 days. There will never be an effective vaccine.

Not true about B cells and T cells. I hate armchair epidemiologists and immunologists who literally don’t understand how the immune system works. Immunity will be more durable than flu. Many promising vaccines and treatments so far—a few in phase 3. You only want to live in the negative. You need help. You are in a dark place.

As for your daughter, just be honest. Don’t tell her she will never do these things again because actually that’s patently false and of your own making. We are very honest with my 3.5 year old who missed school, friends, relatives, visiting special places. We say there are germs that are brand new that are making people, especially people grandma and grandpa’s age really sick. But luckily little kids like you don’t seem very effected. So to prevent spreading it you will see people in masks more including us, you will need to wear a mask sometimes, we wash hands when we come inside. Many places are closed so we need to have fun at home. One day you’ll go to school again! And one day we will have a great big party because this will all be over—what thing would you like to do first when that happens?

Because newsflash. This is going to end. It may take a year or two but it will get incrementally better. There will be a vaccine and therapies. Please do not tell your daughter that she will never do these things again. It is not based in reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD (6) thinks things will go back to normal soon. She obviously can't grasp the full impact of the situation yet, and thinks that one day she'll be able to see her grandparents, not a wear a mask, travel, hug friends, attend school. I've been very non-committal about the future because I don't want to negatively affect her mental health, but at some point she'll need to understand that things are different now and won't ever go back. I'm actually wondering if I'm doing her a disservice by putting it off, but I'm dreading it.

Anyway, how and when do you plan on having this conversation?

Listen - and I'm not being ironic here - you need help. Do you have a therapist you can talk to?
People freaking WILL (and some still do!) hug friends, attend school (some privates will be open as soon as this August), travel, and even ditch masks, eventually. A year from now, everything will be back to normal.
Reading some posts here, you'd think an asteroid hit the Earth and the surviving 50 humans all frequent DCUM. "Things are different now and won't ever go back". Geez.

Interesting. You've not heard the term "new normal" either? And you do realize the government never drops restrictions they institute, right?

I think you should go back to your social studies class. Seriously.

Right? I mean, I'm pretty sure at some point they lifted the rations they instituted during WWII. Or wait, do we still have to limit our use of butter? Maybe we do and I just forgot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids are resilient and will deal with it, just like we will.

Hi, this is actually not the case for permanent life changes.

Hi, so you don't think kids ever get over divorce, losing a limb, someone dying? Because they do, and those are definitely permanent life changes.

Not the pp and I don’t necessarily agree with their statement but I don’t agree with your examples either. I don’t actually think kids DO “get over” any of those things listed - they of course adapt, they grieve on and off over their life, they find ways to move through life and have a joyful one but it certainly affects how they see the world, always. Likely will be the same for our kids. Of course the majority of those kids with access to resources through this will be just fine - but the lens with which they see the world will be altered by this. And while kids are resilient, they are also particularly sensitive to trauma because of their developmental stages so it effects each kid differently depending on their developmental stage. That’s not to be doom and gloom about this - almost all kids will experience some large world events that will impact their world view at some point. This is one of those for our kids and I do think we have a role to play in helping them process these things. Kids are resilient IF they have the right supports.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, OP, you don’t know anyone who isn’t following strict precautions? I must know a bunch of rebels. I’m not condoning it, but you would be shocked at how many people are just going about like it was the summer of 2019.

I don't have local friends, so I'm not 100% sure what people are doing. My friends on social media are in hardcore lockdown mode, yes. And stores are becoming more restrictive with mask mandates and such. So...yeah. From where I sit, things are getting more restrictive.

You need to get out of the house. How do you have no local friends?!?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Meanwhile I'm planning our trip to Disney.

And I’m going to start rebooking our trip to southern France for next year.

Op, I’m also pretty restrictive with covid risk, but to think the government won’t lift the restrictions in place (25% capacity in restaurants, closed theatres, no concerts or large outdoor activities) is just ludicrous. If you truly feel this way, you really do need to see a therapist for anxiety.

WRT your daughter. I would say be honest. I tell my 7 year old there is no cure or treatment, but the doctors are working hard to help sick people and scientists all over the world are creating a vaccine. I say I don’t know when things will get back to normal but I’ve been honest that I don’t think it will be until next summer at the earliest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids are resilient and will deal with it, just like we will.

Hi, this is actually not the case for permanent life changes.

Hi, so you don't think kids ever get over divorce, losing a limb, someone dying? Because they do, and those are definitely permanent life changes.

Not the pp and I don’t necessarily agree with their statement but I don’t agree with your examples either. I don’t actually think kids DO “get over” any of those things listed - they of course adapt, they grieve on and off over their life, they find ways to move through life and have a joyful one but it certainly affects how they see the world, always. Likely will be the same for our kids. Of course the majority of those kids with access to resources through this will be just fine - but the lens with which they see the world will be altered by this. And while kids are resilient, they are also particularly sensitive to trauma because of their developmental stages so it effects each kid differently depending on their developmental stage. That’s not to be doom and gloom about this - almost all kids will experience some large world events that will impact their world view at some point. This is one of those for our kids and I do think we have a role to play in helping them process these things. Kids are resilient IF they have the right supports.

I'm the PP who gave those examples and I should have used the exact wording of the first post which is that kids "will deal with it." You agreed that they certain "deal with" those things by adapting, but the second PP argued that kids never deal with permanent life changes, and that is false.

[Anonymous]

Just say, “DD. I am here to inform you that life as you know it is over.” And then to back to eating your cream of wheat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you’re either trolling or need therapy

Not trolling. Just very concerned about her mental health when she finds out the things she's looking forward to aren't going to happen.

But they are. You need therapy to be able to see that. We have been seeing grandparents all along, will go to camp next week, are at the beach now. Calm down and adapt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, OP, you don’t know anyone who isn’t following strict precautions? I must know a bunch of rebels. I’m not condoning it, but you would be shocked at how many people are just going about like it was the summer of 2019.

I don't have local friends, so I'm not 100% sure what people are doing. My friends on social media are in hardcore lockdown mode, yes. And stores are becoming more restrictive with mask mandates and such. So...yeah. From where I sit, things are getting more restrictive.

You need to get out of the house. How do you have no local friends?!?

Also how is mask wearing restrictive? Just wear a damn mask and go about your life. It’s not a big deal.

[Anonymous]

OP is obviously a troll. I can't believe you all fell for it. "The government never relaxes restrictions once they're in place" was the tell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So... mine is 6 too. We talk about it a lot, but in a certain way. Factual but light...we set the tone, they adopt it. "yeah this might be one really weird school year! but one out of life isnt that bad right? at least we get to hang out!" "Its so awesome we have zoom to talk to grandpa during the germ problem, imagine if we didnt!" and I tell them we do not know if a vaccine will come for years, but, the scientists are working and will probably find some good treatments and things will ease up in a year. We have sprinkled these comments throughout the last few months adn it has helped. At first they thought it would be better by summer, but now they know its taking longer and we all just float on.

Problem is, DH is telling her we can go see people next summer without masks. This is super irresponsible since we all know the restrictions won't ever be lifted, but I'm the one who'll get to comfort a crying child when she finds out he lied, so what does he care?

No, we don't "all know the restrictions won't EVER be lifted." If you know that, PP, you know something most people don't. Should we listen to you? Are you in some real position to know this or you just an everyday ninny who is scared of her own shadow?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean it sucks to lose school and not see grandparents as a kid, but her life is in no way over. My kids and those of my friends are having a totally fine summer. It’s patched together, as the school year will be, but they’ve learned to wear masks at camp and in public and it’s increasingly NBD.

It helps that DH and I don’t have a lot of anxiety of our own about COVID-19, so our kids don’t witness it or have any of their own. They’re 7, 4, 2.

Exactly. The new normal. Thank you for proving my point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So... mine is 6 too. We talk about it a lot, but in a certain way. Factual but light...we set the tone, they adopt it. "yeah this might be one really weird school year! but one out of life isnt that bad right? at least we get to hang out!" "Its so awesome we have zoom to talk to grandpa during the germ problem, imagine if we didnt!" and I tell them we do not know if a vaccine will come for years, but, the scientists are working and will probably find some good treatments and things will ease up in a year. We have sprinkled these comments throughout the last few months adn it has helped. At first they thought it would be better by summer, but now they know its taking longer and we all just float on.

Problem is, DH is telling her we can go see people next summer without masks. This is super irresponsible since we all know the restrictions won't ever be lifted, but I'm the one who'll get to comfort a crying child when she finds out he lied, so what does he care?

They won’t EVER be lifted? Op you sound dramatic and pathetic, get a grip!

Huh? How am I being dramatic and pathetic? Voters don't WANT them lifted. Shoppers don't WANT them lifted. My friends are all freaking. New normal, remember?

They don't want them lifted *right now,* you flippin' moron.

[Anonymous]

I say things are different right now and sometimes that’s hard - but the important thing is that we have each other - we are together through all of this & it’s not all bad.
We have a lot more time together, you have more time to do these other things you enjoy (Legos) etc. and we made a list of summer activities that we want to do together and we are getting through them. We can use this opportunity to do things we didn’t do before - explore different local parks etc.

Here’s where we got the summer activity list idea:
https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.cnn.com/cnn/2020/05/22/health/100-things-to-do-this-summer-wellness-trnd/index.html

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids are resilient and will deal with it, just like we will.

Hi, this is actually not the case for permanent life changes.

Hi, so you don't think kids ever get over divorce, losing a limb, someone dying? Because they do, and those are definitely permanent life changes.

Cut the dramatics! I fear for the mental health of your kid if you are their role model.

Your kid does not have a life altering disease, which does change life as they know it, but you know what, they adapt.

Yes life will be different for a while and may even change slightly in the long run, but life as they know it is not over.

I think I need to step away from the nutjobs on here.