Armchair shrinks: Why does my MIL never, ever call us?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just want to add (I'm the PP with a MIL that is no pressure) that some people are just wired differently when it comes to relationship.

As a human I really don't like talking on the phone that much and all my best friends are people who I can not see or talk to for years and then when we see each other it is like no time has passed. My calling or lack of calling is not a reflection of how much I care and honestly I can't manage relationships with people who need a lot of individual attention that well because it just isn't my forte.

I really don't get this mindset. What are you busy doing with your time? I can see someone who is toxic and draining being hard to manage, but checking in with a pal doesn't really require management?

[Anonymous]

Growing up and up until more recently, my parents were always too busy to deal with any of their children. Now that they are older they want all of us to call them regularly, check in, make sure they don't need anything, but never call us, or even call us back if we have to leave a message. And if we then don't call them back soon after they haven't returned our calls, they say things like: Oh, so good to hear from you. It's been awhile. Drives me nuts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is afraid of imposing.

Just accept this and be nice. In the scheme of in-law problems it ranks far below meddling.

+1

My late mom was like this. Afraid of imposing and (more to the point), believed that she was not lovable or of value to other people.

That's sad. The people I know who seem to avoid the phone are simply too busy. They don't talk about how busy they are (because obviously, that is not busy), but they are constantly on the run with their family.

[Anonymous]

My husband’s mother is too busy with her other adult kids and other grandchildren to bother checking on us.
They all live close to her and we do not. She speaks to them several times a day, but won’t call us for months. She visits once a year and spends most of that time on the phone with other family members.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband’s mother is too busy with her other adult kids and other grandchildren to bother checking on us.
They all live close to her and we do not. She speaks to them several times a day, but won’t call us for months. She visits once a year and spends most of that time on the phone with other family members.

Are the kids she spends so much time with and talking to daughters? I find a huge difference between my mother and her daughters and my mother and her sons.