Jealous of friends who will receive inheritances

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

There is another side to the coin. I know people who have inheritance and safety nets and as the saying goes, nothing is really free. Everything has strings attached. Whether it's having to spend holidays or vacations with them or doing things out of obligation, it's payback.

There has been nothing, NOTHING sweeter than DH and I earning our own money and telling the whole world to go to hell if we want

I do know one family where the husband came from old money and his parents are paying for vacations, kids' private school and extracurricular activities and helped them with the house. But they'are also very controlling to the point of approving baby names when kids were born.

Exactly- know amount of money is worth that

Well....

"OK, I'll name the next boy Baxter Worthington Bottomtooth IV, and youll buy me the new Tesla model that comes out. Done, and done"

[Anonymous]

I will probably inherit upwards of 5 million dollars after my parents die. I'm an only child. It could be more...maybe up to 10 million? You wouldn't know it to look at my parents. My dad is incredibly frugal.
BUT...my parents don't really approve of how I turned out, so they won't tell me anything about their finances. I have to guess. And it's not like I'm a convict. They just don't think I'm serious enough as a person, and they believe that blood is thicker than water, so they won't tell my husband either. I got into a huge fight with my mother last year and she started making comments to my husband about how she would cut me out of the will. Sometimes I wonder if I would put up with some of their craziness if money wasn't a factor. For all I know, they might leave me nothing or, more likely, put it all in trusts (I know that some of it is in trusts for my child and even if my child had children) that I have no control over.

Sometimes I fantasize about the money. They really don't use any of it--and it's not that I think they should be squandering it--but they could get a little more enjoyment out of life with using some of it. But then I stop myself because I honestly never know if I'll really inherit it or not. My husband and I don't plan on it. We save for retirement as if we won't get anything.

But they did pay for my education and helped with a down payment on a house. They did not pay for my child's private school, and don't pay for any regular expenses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will probably inherit upwards of 5 million dollars after my parents die. I'm an only child. It could be more...maybe up to 10 million? You wouldn't know it to look at my parents. My dad is incredibly frugal.
BUT...my parents don't really approve of how I turned out, so they won't tell me anything about their finances. I have to guess. And it's not like I'm a convict. They just don't think I'm serious enough as a person, and they believe that blood is thicker than water, so they won't tell my husband either. I got into a huge fight with my mother last year and she started making comments to my husband about how she would cut me out of the will. Sometimes I wonder if I would put up with some of their craziness if money wasn't a factor. For all I know, they might leave me nothing or, more likely, put it all in trusts (I know that some of it is in trusts for my child and even if my child had children) that I have no control over.

Sometimes I fantasize about the money. They really don't use any of it--and it's not that I think they should be squandering it--but they could get a little more enjoyment out of life with using some of it. But then I stop myself because I honestly never know if I'll really inherit it or not. My husband and I don't plan on it. We save for retirement as if we won't get anything.

But they did pay for my education and helped with a down payment on a house. They did not pay for my child's private school, and don't pay for any regular expenses.

I don't know, but this really comes off as if you care more about their money than them. So, I can see why you think your parents might not approve of how you turned out. That's their fault though. Seriously, a convict is such a low standard to compare yourself.

Many people don't get a paid education and a down payment on a house. If it were me, I'd be very grateful that my parents covered those big ticket items. Did they contribute to your wedding as well? Private school and regular expenses are your expenses, so I don't see why your parents are being vilified for not contributing to those costs.

[Anonymous]

My prosperous, business-owning parents guilted all of us kids about any help they ever gave (strings were definitely attached) and tried to talk us out of going to college because it would make us left wing and godless.

As a result of a mediocre education (I was homeschooled till nearly age 18, which really meant not schooled; can't do math to this day), I've struggled through incredibly dangerous job assignments, bouts of unemployment, and put up with horrible on the job sexual harassment from a boss so I could make it in life. Meanwhile the parents have given hundreds of thousands of dollars to far-right, hate speech loving evangelical organizations and churches.

So yes, I am very jealous of friends who will receive inheritances and of anybody who had a 'helicoptering' parent who gave a damn about their education and helped them get ahead in life. Making it on your own is so overrated in a globalized, tech economy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My prosperous, business-owning parents guilted all of us kids about any help they ever gave (strings were definitely attached) and tried to talk us out of going to college because it would make us left wing and godless.

As a result of a mediocre education (I was homeschooled till nearly age 18, which really meant not schooled; can't do math to this day), I've struggled through incredibly dangerous job assignments, bouts of unemployment, and put up with horrible on the job sexual harassment from a boss so I could make it in life. Meanwhile the parents have given hundreds of thousands of dollars to far-right, hate speech loving evangelical organizations and churches.

So yes, I am very jealous of friends who will receive inheritances and of anybody who had a 'helicoptering' parent who gave a damn about their education and helped them get ahead in life. Making it on your own is so overrated in a globalized, tech economy.

I'm sorry that happened to you.

[Anonymous]

What is the minimum amount that is considered a sizable inheritance?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The friends who I thought were on the same playing field as us are suddenly receiving inheritances and it shows. They're using that money to buy investment properties, Peletons or what have you. I hate to admit but I am green with envy. Both DH and I come from poor stock.

You might want to rethink that envy. We know a couple who received a large sum when the husband's mother passed. The wife bought a high end new vehicle, made upgrades to the house, etc. She's still one of the unhappiest women we know. Monetary things do not equal happiness. If you're happy already then sure, money makes life easier in some ways. If you're the type of person who looks for happiness outside of yourself and is never really satisfied for long all of the money in the world isn't going to fix that. Shift your focus on what you do have--hopefully things like a good marriage, lots of friends, your health....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The friends who I thought were on the same playing field as us are suddenly receiving inheritances and it shows. They're using that money to buy investment properties, Peletons or what have you. I hate to admit but I am green with envy. Both DH and I come from poor stock.

You might want to rethink that envy. We know a couple who received a large sum when the husband's mother passed. The wife bought a high end new vehicle, made upgrades to the house, etc. She's still one of the unhappiest women we know. Monetary things do not equal happiness. If you're happy already then sure, money makes life easier in some ways. If you're the type of person who looks for happiness outside of yourself and is never really satisfied for long all of the money in the world isn't going to fix that. Shift your focus on what you do have--hopefully things like a good marriage, lots of friends, your health....

I respect the spirit of where this post is coming from, but I disagree strongly. Money does buy happiness; indeed it is absolutely essential (especially in America). What does it buy?
- a neighborhood your where your child can walk down the street without fear of being gunned down
- healthy, nutritious meals and fruits and vegetables
- alleviation of oppressive stress that you might lose your mortgage or not be able to make your rent payment and be kicked out in the street - just check out the surging homelessness in every expensive west coast city - many of those people simply lost their job and ended up in the streets or in an RV parked by the road
- peace of mind that your spouse's car won't break down on a dark street far from home as she is coming back from work, or all-wheel drive to get through the ice and snow
- quality end of life and - in general - health care for aging parents
- decent education for your children
- all the other things that make life worth living - leisure, ease, music and art (creating and enjoying), languages, foreign travel, time/travel to visit loved ones and grandparents
- preventative health care to maximize chances you can live a long life (mammograms, x-rays, physicals - catching cancer before it is advanced)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People's situations are complicated, with positive and negative aspects.

My parents paid for private high school and an expensive college for me. They gave DH and me $50K for our wedding, which became our down payment. They put $50K in a 529 for our daughter when she was very young, so it will likely be very helpful in paying for her college.

Unless something unexpected happens, I will inherit several million dollars from them.

I feel very lucky for all of that. However, my parents are also very difficult people to deal with in many ways. My relationship with them has gone through real ups and downs.

My husband has a chronic illness, which is very scary.

My point is just that people's lives are complicated and you never know the full story.

Now imagine dealing with all that but while being poor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Somewhat surprised at the defensive posts that are some version of, "how dare you! they only got that inheritance because someone they loved died!"

Like, you do know that we poors also have loved ones, and they also die?

My grandmother just died and my mom called to ask if her $10k life insurance would get seized by Medicare to reimburse for her end of life care. So, yeah. We have all the same pain as rich people and none of the upside (or even have to actually pay for the relatives in our family, who are bequeathing money in your family).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The friends who I thought were on the same playing field as us are suddenly receiving inheritances and it shows. They're using that money to buy investment properties, Peletons or what have you. I hate to admit but I am green with envy. Both DH and I come from poor stock.

You might want to rethink that envy. We know a couple who received a large sum when the husband's mother passed. The wife bought a high end new vehicle, made upgrades to the house, etc. She's still one of the unhappiest women we know. Monetary things do not equal happiness. If you're happy already then sure, money makes life easier in some ways. If you're the type of person who looks for happiness outside of yourself and is never really satisfied for long all of the money in the world isn't going to fix that. Shift your focus on what you do have--hopefully things like a good marriage, lots of friends, your health....

I respect the spirit of where this post is coming from, but I disagree strongly. Money does buy happiness; indeed it is absolutely essential (especially in America). What does it buy?
- a neighborhood your where your child can walk down the street without fear of being gunned down
- healthy, nutritious meals and fruits and vegetables
- alleviation of oppressive stress that you might lose your mortgage or not be able to make your rent payment and be kicked out in the street - just check out the surging homelessness in every expensive west coast city - many of those people simply lost their job and ended up in the streets or in an RV parked by the road
- peace of mind that your spouse's car won't break down on a dark street far from home as she is coming back from work, or all-wheel drive to get through the ice and snow
- quality end of life and - in general - health care for aging parents
- decent education for your children
- all the other things that make life worth living - leisure, ease, music and art (creating and enjoying), languages, foreign travel, time/travel to visit loved ones and grandparents
- preventative health care to maximize chances you can live a long life (mammograms, x-rays, physicals - catching cancer before it is advanced)

I agree with your points but most of them have to do with well being of family rather than the purchase of something that is going to give you a temporary focus shift and will fade pretty quickly so you need to purchase the next distraction.

[Anonymous]

I have found that I cannot be close friends with people who have a lot of financial help from wealthy parents. I have tried and it just bothers me too much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have found that I cannot be close friends with people who have a lot of financial help from wealthy parents. I have tried and it just bothers me too much.

If it's obvious they're getting help from parents then they're doing it wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The friends who I thought were on the same playing field as us are suddenly receiving inheritances and it shows. They're using that money to buy investment properties, Peletons or what have you. I hate to admit but I am green with envy. Both DH and I come from poor stock.

You might want to rethink that envy. We know a couple who received a large sum when the husband's mother passed. The wife bought a high end new vehicle, made upgrades to the house, etc. She's still one of the unhappiest women we know. Monetary things do not equal happiness. If you're happy already then sure, money makes life easier in some ways. If you're the type of person who looks for happiness outside of yourself and is never really satisfied for long all of the money in the world isn't going to fix that. Shift your focus on what you do have--hopefully things like a good marriage, lots of friends, your health....

I respect the spirit of where this post is coming from, but I disagree strongly. Money does buy happiness; indeed it is absolutely essential (especially in America). What does it buy?
- a neighborhood your where your child can walk down the street without fear of being gunned down
- healthy, nutritious meals and fruits and vegetables
- alleviation of oppressive stress that you might lose your mortgage or not be able to make your rent payment and be kicked out in the street - just check out the surging homelessness in every expensive west coast city - many of those people simply lost their job and ended up in the streets or in an RV parked by the road
- peace of mind that your spouse's car won't break down on a dark street far from home as she is coming back from work, or all-wheel drive to get through the ice and snow
- quality end of life and - in general - health care for aging parents
- decent education for your children
- all the other things that make life worth living - leisure, ease, music and art (creating and enjoying), languages, foreign travel, time/travel to visit loved ones and grandparents
- preventative health care to maximize chances you can live a long life (mammograms, x-rays, physicals - catching cancer before it is advanced)

NP: Money that keeps you out of poverty is crucial to happiness. Money beyond poverty-level can enrich your life to a certain point. Studies have found that money up to 75k-95k/ year steadily increases happiness worldwide (both day to day and including the long-term aspects PP mentions) but there's little correlation between income (including income generated by assets) and happiness above that level. In fact, there's sometimes an inverse because people think "I have this money, I have nothing to complain about, I SHOULD be happier." I'm not sure I buy the numbers perfectly and think they vary by COL and I think they need to investigate more how stable that income is, and other factors etc. but I do think there's something to the broad findings.