Jealous of friends who will receive inheritances

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m always astonished by the rich people on here’s who tick they aren’t rich. $300,000!!!! Even $3,000 just out of college would have been life changing for me, to have the cushion of an emergency fund.

ANd then people are commenting that they’d rather have their parents alive than have all of their millions. Well, duh! But what HUGe privilege you had while they write alive yo never have to worry about money! To never have to fear you couldn’t get surgery you needed, or couldn’t fix the car that got you to work and would then lose your job and home.

I have clawed my way up to the middle class after grow No up with addict parents in poverty. My parents didn’t live to see my kids, either, but their elderly years were triple stressors for me because I had to financially care for them in retirement, too. They had nothing but soxiabsecirity (and I know that even that makes us privileged compared to many.) I burned through my whole life savings in my 30’s because we couldn’t afford assisted living for my dad. I’m now in my Kate 40’s with a young child, a good solid government job, and we have enough at the end of every month to get to take a vacation each year at a state park and go on some long weekends together camping and hiking. He has never worried about food or money. We are SO lucky. But we have almost no savings and there is no older generation to bail us out if I lose my job or get disabled. You guys have NO idea how lucky you are.

So yeah, I’m envious, too, OP. I have lived my whole life with financial stress. My whole childhood was fear of eviction, fear that the food would run out before the end of the month. I know I’ve made a huge leap forward in one generation and I’m proud. But I’m still envious. I’m sure my life has been significantly shortened by chronic stress , while so many DCUM people have no idea what real stress is. I am acutely aware, too, that I am still SO vastly privileged compared to the rest of the humans on the planet. I have never had acute food insecurity for a ling time and have always had a home of some kind.

Yeah, sometimes the envy burns. Especially as it is so unfair. There is no merit to rich inheritors, and so, so many horrible rich people out there.

I really connect to you. Honestly I think many people whose parents were upper or even middle class cannot understand the anxiety of no safety net and a childhood raised like that. I am my parent’s safety net and despite having money now I am close to panic attacks over what is happening to our economy. Maybe that is the reason I feel a need to open up - so many policy makers and media types have always been ok and assume they always will be in their bones vs me drinking too much and generally freaked.

[Anonymous]

I am the $300k poster and $160k of that was college. I do think parents are responsible for paying their children’s college fees.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the $300k poster and $160k of that was college. I do think parents are responsible for paying their children’s college fees.

What you think and what is done are not the same. The vast majority of parents can't pay for a year of state school much less $160K. Many feel fortunate to cover 2 years of community college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

There is another side to the coin. I know people who have inheritance and safety nets and as the saying goes, nothing is really free. Everything has strings attached. Whether it's having to spend holidays or vacations with them or doing things out of obligation, it's payback.

There has been nothing, NOTHING sweeter than DH and I earning our own money and telling the whole world to go to hell if we want

Np: Not all families are like that. Nothing I receive from my parents comes with strings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

There is another side to the coin. I know people who have inheritance and safety nets and as the saying goes, nothing is really free. Everything has strings attached. Whether it's having to spend holidays or vacations with them or doing things out of obligation, it's payback.

There has been nothing, NOTHING sweeter than DH and I earning our own money and telling the whole world to go to hell if we want

Np: Not all families are like that. Nothing I receive from my parents comes with strings.

This. Your family has issues if you feel relieved you don’t need to satisfy a quid pro quo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Me too but I’d rather be self made then be a silver spooner

Lol! Yea sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Me too but I’d rather be self made then be a silver spooner

Honestly, there is good in both. I did start with nothing, infact support my old parent now but the value of self-worth, confidence, pride and prestige in doing on your own is priceliess. I am not that aggressive towards a lot of things these days(39 year old) but still have confidence in getting into any kinds of unexpected situation and be able deal with it.

Wish I had more money when I didn't have basic things -yes, but that would have taken the fire away to get them on my own. I guess there is no right or wrong answer and overall we expect that our kids come out ok, regardless of whatever situation we put them in.

[Anonymous]

I recall my best friend during college casually got $200,000 cash when her grandpa died. Her mom let her buy a new car (~ $20,000 VW) and then had her transfer most of the rest left to the mom because the grandpa gave less to her mom than her other two siblings (my friend's 2 uncles). My friend was essentially coerced but didn't seem to mind. Back story was dead grandpa figured my friend's mom and dad were "rich" thus far better off than her middle class siblings, and didn't need the money. The estate was a couple million dollars.

[Anonymous]

We have no inheritances.. I came to this country with about $2000 in travelers checks that was a loan from a bank back home at 22% interest rate secured by my father's one-bedroom apartment. That money stayed in the bank for 2 years of grad school as a safety net while I worked hourly jobs paying $4.25..way more than the allowed 20 hours and an assistantship.
Assuming nothing seriously goes wrong (economy, jobs, health, normal longevity for us, etc) My kids will probably inherit at least a couple of millions each. My plan is to put that in a trust and have them get a certain percentage each year as opposed to a windfall. I'd advise them to do the same when they are ready to think about these things for their kids. I raise them to (hopefully) understand the value of money.. question every expense, etc. They know we are not rich but can afford to spend on things that have long-term value (e.g. go to a private college if it's a T10).

Hopefully this will allow them to do what they really want to do, take some risks, but not sit on their asses and do nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m always astonished by the rich people on here’s who tick they aren’t rich. $300,000!!!! Even $3,000 just out of college would have been life changing for me, to have the cushion of an emergency fund.

ANd then people are commenting that they’d rather have their parents alive than have all of their millions. Well, duh! But what HUGe privilege you had while they write alive yo never have to worry about money! To never have to fear you couldn’t get surgery you needed, or couldn’t fix the car that got you to work and would then lose your job and home.

I have clawed my way up to the middle class after grow No up with addict parents in poverty. My parents didn’t live to see my kids, either, but their elderly years were triple stressors for me because I had to financially care for them in retirement, too. They had nothing but soxiabsecirity (and I know that even that makes us privileged compared to many.) I burned through my whole life savings in my 30’s because we couldn’t afford assisted living for my dad. I’m now in my Kate 40’s with a young child, a good solid government job, and we have enough at the end of every month to get to take a vacation each year at a state park and go on some long weekends together camping and hiking. He has never worried about food or money. We are SO lucky. But we have almost no savings and there is no older generation to bail us out if I lose my job or get disabled. You guys have NO idea how lucky you are.

So yeah, I’m envious, too, OP. I have lived my whole life with financial stress. My whole childhood was fear of eviction, fear that the food would run out before the end of the month. I know I’ve made a huge leap forward in one generation and I’m proud. But I’m still envious. I’m sure my life has been significantly shortened by chronic stress , while so many DCUM people have no idea what real stress is. I am acutely aware, too, that I am still SO vastly privileged compared to the rest of the humans on the planet. I have never had acute food insecurity for a ling time and have always had a home of some kind.

Yeah, sometimes the envy burns. Especially as it is so unfair. There is no merit to rich inheritors, and so, so many horrible rich people out there.

Good post.
I'm proud of you PP!

[Anonymous]

Uh, we will receive some money from my parents and my husband's parents when they die...

...but I'd rather have them ALIVE than have a Peloton or a nice vacation.

WTF, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have no inheritances.. I came to this country with about $2000 in travelers checks that was a loan from a bank back home at 22% interest rate secured by my father's one-bedroom apartment. That money stayed in the bank for 2 years of grad school as a safety net while I worked hourly jobs paying $4.25..way more than the allowed 20 hours and an assistantship.
Assuming nothing seriously goes wrong (economy, jobs, health, normal longevity for us, etc) My kids will probably inherit at least a couple of millions each. My plan is to put that in a trust and have them get a certain percentage each year as opposed to a windfall. I'd advise them to do the same when they are ready to think about these things for their kids. I raise them to (hopefully) understand the value of money.. question every expense, etc. They know we are not rich but can afford to spend on things that have long-term value (e.g. go to a private college if it's a T10).

Hopefully this will allow them to do what they really want to do, take some risks, but not sit on their asses and do nothing.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

There is another side to the coin. I know people who have inheritance and safety nets and as the saying goes, nothing is really free. Everything has strings attached. Whether it's having to spend holidays or vacations with them or doing things out of obligation, it's payback.

There has been nothing, NOTHING sweeter than DH and I earning our own money and telling the whole world to go to hell if we want

Both of those are possible either way. Anyone can say go to hell to their inheritance. Also, people with no money can ave difficult parents who tug on emotional strings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

There is another side to the coin. I know people who have inheritance and safety nets and as the saying goes, nothing is really free. Everything has strings attached. Whether it's having to spend holidays or vacations with them or doing things out of obligation, it's payback.

There has been nothing, NOTHING sweeter than DH and I earning our own money and telling the whole world to go to hell if we want

Both of those are possible either way. Anyone can say go to hell to their inheritance. Also, people with no money can ave difficult parents who tug on emotional strings.

Not necessarily. If your parents are still alive, it can be held over your head of where you got that money from. This can come from them, other family members and anyone who knows. People also judge you differently when you've made the money on your own versus inheritance.

Of course people can have parents that are difficult whether they have money or not- the money makes a difference thou

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d rather be a silver spooner who makes my own way.

And I am.

Don’t underestimate the value of a familial safety net- it’s huge. I didn’t do anything to earn mine but the only people who say they would NOT want to have financial security in the way of family money are consoling themselves into accepting what they can’t have anyway. Then they act like that’s a superior choice- the choice to not use money they didn’t have.

It’s an interesting phenomenon.

Except for the codependent part. No thanks.