Jealous of friends who will receive inheritances

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

There is another side to the coin. I know people who have inheritance and safety nets and as the saying goes, nothing is really free. Everything has strings attached. Whether it's having to spend holidays or vacations with them or doing things out of obligation, it's payback.

There has been nothing, NOTHING sweeter than DH and I earning our own money and telling the whole world to go to hell if we want

Both of those are possible either way. Anyone can say go to hell to their inheritance. Also, people with no money can ave difficult parents who tug on emotional strings.

Not necessarily. If your parents are still alive, it can be held over your head of where you got that money from. This can come from them, other family members and anyone who knows. People also judge you differently when you've made the money on your own versus inheritance.

Of course people can have parents that are difficult whether they have money or not- the money makes a difference thou

+1

[Anonymous]

Well of course, who isn’t?

Who wouldn’t want to receive a multimillion dollar windfall?

Lol, it’s kind of like saying water is wet. Everyone would like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hear you, OP. We're not jealous per se - I experienced poverty growing up and am very thankful to be where I am in life. But the lifestyle difference has definitely distanced us from them.

I am hesitant to invite them into our modest home - theirs cost twice as much and is furnished with antiques, while we have old mismatched furniture that's decades old and are buying new furniture one piece at a time. They vacation at family properties in upscale locations, and occasionally invite us along - but we know we will never be able to return the invite.Their kids will be going to elite private schools and ours are public school-bound.

Not saying we can't be friends, but they are on a different path in spite of earning similar money and it's hard to ignore.

This never makes sense to me. Presumably these friends understand that I am not independently wealthy so what difference does it make if they come to my modest home and see that it is modest? Either they are friends or they aren’t and real friends won’t care.

[Anonymous]

That probably means that someone they loved died.

Think of it that way and don't be jealous.

[Anonymous]

The Daily episode today, about a Sudanese orphan who works in a meat packing plant for $18/hr and sends money home to support her relatives in Sudan, would be a good reality check for a lot of the envious posters in this thread.

Life isn't a inheritance/no inheritance dichotomy, it's a spectrum from having relatives need your help to being able to only worry about yourself/family to the very select few who are majorly helped by the previous generation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The friends who I thought were on the same playing field as us are suddenly receiving inheritances and it shows. They're using that money to buy investment properties, Peletons or what have you. I hate to admit but I am green with envy. Both DH and I come from poor stock.

OP, DH has a childhood friend, J., who was from a wealthy family - his father owned a couple of businesses. Not many millions, but well off. J. was the beneficiary - he inherited businesses form his dad (which he ran into ground), his mom left everything when she died, his aunt left him everything when she died. I'm sure, overall, he got a couple of millions at least.

Long story short, last month his only car got repossessed for missing payments. The moral is not how much you get, but how you spend it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

There is another side to the coin. I know people who have inheritance and safety nets and as the saying goes, nothing is really free. Everything has strings attached. Whether it's having to spend holidays or vacations with them or doing things out of obligation, it's payback.

There has been nothing, NOTHING sweeter than DH and I earning our own money and telling the whole world to go to hell if we want

I do know one family where the husband came from old money and his parents are paying for vacations, kids' private school and extracurricular activities and helped them with the house. But they'are also very controlling to the point of approving baby names when kids were born.

[Anonymous]

My parents passed away when both were over 90. I was 63 and didn’t need the inheritance so I was able to have it go to my adult children who could definitely use it. They are smart enough to save it and invest it and not blow it on expensive toys. They will inherit a lot from me but I hope it won’t be for many years!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

There is another side to the coin. I know people who have inheritance and safety nets and as the saying goes, nothing is really free. Everything has strings attached. Whether it's having to spend holidays or vacations with them or doing things out of obligation, it's payback.

There has been nothing, NOTHING sweeter than DH and I earning our own money and telling the whole world to go to hell if we want

I do know one family where the husband came from old money and his parents are paying for vacations, kids' private school and extracurricular activities and helped them with the house. But they'are also very controlling to the point of approving baby names when kids were born.

Exactly- know amount of money is worth that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

There is another side to the coin. I know people who have inheritance and safety nets and as the saying goes, nothing is really free. Everything has strings attached. Whether it's having to spend holidays or vacations with them or doing things out of obligation, it's payback.

There has been nothing, NOTHING sweeter than DH and I earning our own money and telling the whole world to go to hell if we want

I do know one family where the husband came from old money and his parents are paying for vacations, kids' private school and extracurricular activities and helped them with the house. But they'are also very controlling to the point of approving baby names when kids were born.

We stand to inherit a lot from my IL's and they are very generous with annual gifts, 529 funding and they gave us a very large downpayment for our house. They never ask for anything in return and almost seem embarrassed when we thank them. I know I'm lucky.

[Anonymous]

Somewhat surprised at the defensive posts that are some version of, "how dare you! they only got that inheritance because someone they loved died!"

Like, you do know that we poors also have loved ones, and they also die?

[Anonymous]

I hear you, OP. It's not a jealousy that consumes me or that I spend a lot of time thinking of, but it's there nonetheless.

I grew up "middle class" in a very poor region. Didn't go hungry as a kid, but expensive extracurriculars, vacations other than one week at the closest beach town, and my parents paying for college were not even a remote possibility. And my dad's financial troubles resulted in a bankruptcy that I am certain accelerated his untimely demise by at least a decade.

Mom's doing ok, but there's not going to be any estate to speak of. My spouse came from even poorer stock than I, relying on a carousel of local churches for several meals a week.

We are proud of ourselves, quietly, for "making it." And it's great to be able to provide fully -- great vacations, fancy summer camps, private schools, any medical treatment the kids could need (knock on wood), any unexpected home repair, clothes that aren't from Goodwill -- for our kids. But in a way it's that stuff that hits hardest, because it drives home what I didn't have. My jealousy is more for all that than it is for the real estate and cars that our wealthy-upbringing friends are able to buy with their inheritances.

For the most part I think DC is a fairly meritocratic place so I've never felt much judgment from people who know my background. Usually people are actually fascinated with my flyover state creds. Once or twice I've felt like there was a "lingo" that I didn't have ("Um, no, Jackson Hole is in *Wyoming*" or "it's pronounced *Bowdoin*"). And one drunk b*tch at a party "complimented" me for "being new money but not coming across like new money, you know?" But otherwise I don't feel like I don't belong in the PTA or whatever.

So, yeah, it would be nice to have the big inheritance to count on. But I know what some of those people will never know, which is what I was capable of when I had no safety net and no help.

[Anonymous]

I probably won't receive much from my parents. However, I know my dad is set to receive at least 100 grand from his father, and I know my dad will use it for my kids future. It's nice, but nothing like millions or something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The Daily episode today, about a Sudanese orphan who works in a meat packing plant for $18/hr and sends money home to support her relatives in Sudan, would be a good reality check for a lot of the envious posters in this thread.

Life isn't a inheritance/no inheritance dichotomy, it's a spectrum from having relatives need your help to being able to only worry about yourself/family to the very select few who are majorly helped by the previous generation.

That is so true. If you aren't helping to support family members, you have a giant leg up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The friends who I thought were on the same playing field as us are suddenly receiving inheritances and it shows. They're using that money to buy investment properties, Peletons or what have you. I hate to admit but I am green with envy. Both DH and I come from poor stock.

To make you feel better OP, I am an immigrant and have a very poor family (mother, stepfather, grandmother, grandfather and a 32 year old brother) who constantly ask me to wire them money. They are always struggling and think I am rich because I live in USA. It is very hard. I do not need any inheritance ( and obviously will never get any). All I want is to be left along!

I'm an immigrant myself as well. Not only had no help from my family whatsoever, the expectation is that I need to help them financially. I worked hard to earn my own money and make $100,000 a year at the age of 40. Luckily, I married a husband, whose parents also were immigrants and were very hard working and have some money, because they bought properties in 60's and are now renting them. So I can consider myself an upper middle class with our income, but in this area I feel rather poor ( our combined annual income is $160000). We only have $60000 mortgage left on a house that's worth $880000.
I can't even imagine how nice it would be to receive a lump sum of money ( like inheritance). That would be just so awesome.