Jealous of friends who will receive inheritances

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The friends who I thought were on the same playing field as us are suddenly receiving inheritances and it shows. They're using that money to buy investment properties, Peletons or what have you. I hate to admit but I am green with envy. Both DH and I come from poor stock.

To make you feel better OP, I am an immigrant and have a very poor family (mother, stepfather, grandmother, grandfather and a 32 year old brother) who constantly ask me to wire them money. They are always struggling and think I am rich because I live in USA. It is very hard. I do not need any inheritance ( and obviously will never get any). All I want is to be left along!

I'm not an immigrant but I have a similar situation anyway. It blows my mind when people are sad they aren't getting money from my parents while I'm sending money out to me family. So busy looking up toward the peak of the mountain you don't even realize most of us are down here on the valley while you're up on a high cliff, close enough to see that peak.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The friends who I thought were on the same playing field as us are suddenly receiving inheritances and it shows. They're using that money to buy investment properties, Peletons or what have you. I hate to admit but I am green with envy. Both DH and I come from poor stock.

To make you feel better OP, I am an immigrant and have a very poor family (mother, stepfather, grandmother, grandfather and a 32 year old brother) who constantly ask me to wire them money. They are always struggling and think I am rich because I live in USA. It is very hard. I do not need any inheritance ( and obviously will never get any). All I want is to be left along!

I'm not an immigrant but I have a similar situation anyway. It blows my mind when people are sad they aren't getting money from my parents while I'm sending money out to me family. So busy looking up toward the peak of the mountain you don't even realize most of us are down here on the valley while you're up on a high cliff, close enough to see that peak.

*their parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I inherited a lot. I am jealous you have your parents.

+1

Me too. It's bittersweet to inherit your parents' wealth. I wish they were able to spend more of it before they passed it on.

+1. I received a small inheritance, enough to buy a modest first home. But I would have preferred to have my parents live long enough to spend it themselves and meet their grandchildren instead.

[Anonymous]

I think the poster who described the safety net is spot on. I would have taken more risks in my education and career if I I had a safety net or more financial support. It took my husband whose family is dirt poor (his parents literally never had a back account) and I years to pay off student loans, pay for infant care, and then finally a down payment on a house.

I was thinking of retiring at 60 from my job that has a pension but now I am determined to work until I can at least give each of my 2 kids a 100k each for a down payment on their houses to get them started. All my friends whose parents helped them buy houses are doing better financially even though we all make around the same amount of money.

[Anonymous]

You're envious, not jealous.

Envious--the feeling of wanting what someone else has:
I'm envious of my friends who have an inheritance.

Jealous--the feeling of being threatened by someone else who might cause you to lose someone/something you care about:
I'm jealous of my spouse's secretary: He hangs on her every word while he barely looks up when I'm talking.

[Anonymous]

It’s nice to get a safety net from your parents but you don’t need millions. My parents paid for college and my wedding and contributed to my first downpayment. Total about $300k. That’s enough. I hope they live long and happy/healthy lives and use up all of their retirement funds to travel the world. DH and I are hardworking and self-sufficient and can provide for ourselves and our children without further boost.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s nice to get a safety net from your parents but you don’t need millions. My parents paid for college and my wedding and contributed to my first downpayment. Total about $300k. That’s enough. I hope they live long and happy/healthy lives and use up all of their retirement funds to travel the world. DH and I are hardworking and self-sufficient and can provide for ourselves and our children without further boost.

This amount really is life changing. I didn't get that from my parents but I hope to give that amount to my kids when they want to buy a house.

[Anonymous]

There is another side to the coin. I know people who have inheritance and safety nets and as the saying goes, nothing is really free. Everything has strings attached. Whether it's having to spend holidays or vacations with them or doing things out of obligation, it's payback.

There has been nothing, NOTHING sweeter than DH and I earning our own money and telling the whole world to go to hell if we want

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I inherited a lot. I am jealous you have your parents.

+1

Me too. It's bittersweet to inherit your parents' wealth. I wish they were able to spend more of it before they passed it on.

I inherited debts - and I also rather my parents are here esp to see our children grow up

[Anonymous]

Grow up, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d rather be a silver spooner who makes my own way.

And I am.

Don’t underestimate the value of a familial safety net- it’s huge. I didn’t do anything to earn mine but the only people who say they would NOT want to have financial security in the way of family money are consoling themselves into accepting what they can’t have anyway. Then they act like that’s a superior choice- the choice to not use money they didn’t have.

It’s an interesting phenomenon.

My parents offered to pay for college but I chose to join the Army and pay for it myself. There's a certain feeling of pride you get when you've paid your own way.

I’m PP and I agree my parents did not pay for my college. I agree with you, and still have family money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s nice to get a safety net from your parents but you don’t need millions. My parents paid for college and my wedding and contributed to my first downpayment. Total about $300k. That’s enough. I hope they live long and happy/healthy lives and use up all of their retirement funds to travel the world. DH and I are hardworking and self-sufficient and can provide for ourselves and our children without further boost.

This amount really is life changing. I didn't get that from my parents but I hope to give that amount to my kids when they want to buy a house.

+1 lol. I know

1st PP is so clueless about how much $300,000 (especially early on!) really is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I inherited a lot. I am jealous you have your parents.

+1

Me too. It's bittersweet to inherit your parents' wealth. I wish they were able to spend more of it before they passed it on.

I inherited debts - and I also rather my parents are here esp to see our children grow up

You cannot inherit debts.

[Anonymous]

I’m always astonished by the rich people on here’s who tick they aren’t rich. $300,000!!!! Even $3,000 just out of college would have been life changing for me, to have the cushion of an emergency fund.

ANd then people are commenting that they’d rather have their parents alive than have all of their millions. Well, duh! But what HUGe privilege you had while they write alive yo never have to worry about money! To never have to fear you couldn’t get surgery you needed, or couldn’t fix the car that got you to work and would then lose your job and home.

I have clawed my way up to the middle class after grow No up with addict parents in poverty. My parents didn’t live to see my kids, either, but their elderly years were triple stressors for me because I had to financially care for them in retirement, too. They had nothing but soxiabsecirity (and I know that even that makes us privileged compared to many.) I burned through my whole life savings in my 30’s because we couldn’t afford assisted living for my dad. I’m now in my Kate 40’s with a young child, a good solid government job, and we have enough at the end of every month to get to take a vacation each year at a state park and go on some long weekends together camping and hiking. He has never worried about food or money. We are SO lucky. But we have almost no savings and there is no older generation to bail us out if I lose my job or get disabled. You guys have NO idea how lucky you are.

So yeah, I’m envious, too, OP. I have lived my whole life with financial stress. My whole childhood was fear of eviction, fear that the food would run out before the end of the month. I know I’ve made a huge leap forward in one generation and I’m proud. But I’m still envious. I’m sure my life has been significantly shortened by chronic stress , while so many DCUM people have no idea what real stress is. I am acutely aware, too, that I am still SO vastly privileged compared to the rest of the humans on the planet. I have never had acute food insecurity for a ling time and have always had a home of some kind.

Yeah, sometimes the envy burns. Especially as it is so unfair. There is no merit to rich inheritors, and so, so many horrible rich people out there.

[Anonymous]

This is what we can do for our kids also and I tell them to take risks as they have a safety net their parents (DH and I) did not have. We are immigrants and from very poor families. So I tell them to fly!